Ex issues

LegacyUser

My boyfriend and I have been together for approx 6 months, we are both 26. When we first started seeing each other, I knew from a mutual friend that he had had a rough break-up about 3 months previously. I know also from the mutual friend that he and the ex are now friends and speak to each other but he and I have never spoken about her. I don't want to pry into it so I've always just left it.

Yesterday I was using his laptop and downloaded something and when I went into his downloads folder to find it, I saw that he had recently downloaded about 5+ photos of him and his ex. I almost had a heart attack when I saw them but he was sitting across from me and I didn't say anything. What do I do now? He clearly still thinks about her and is possibly still in love with her. I have fallen in love with him but I don't want to be second best. Help please!

NicoleL88

agh345 wrote: »

I didn't say anything. What do I do now?

Say something.

alias06

You say you have fallen in love with him. Has he given any indication that he feels the same way about you?

Merkin

NicoleL88 wrote: »

Say something.

This is your only option really and then decide where to take it from there. Keeping this to yourself and letting it consume you isn't an option tbh is it?

December2012

You're six months into your relationship - you could try speaking with him about how you each think the relationship is going.

Kashkai

You owe it to yourself to find out where his heart lies, with you or his ex. If he's still in love with her, then he's just using you. If that's the case, don't be afraid to walk away if he doesn't wise up. Letting go of ex's is hard, especially if it was a long term/passionate relationship. However if he wasn't ready to let go of his ex, then it was unfair to hook up with you and effectively lead you on while his thoughts and feelings were for someone else.

LegacyUser

Let it go. He was with her then but he's with you now. Having said that I think you should be a little cautious with your feelings. He had only broken up with her three months before he started seeing you? Not a long time if he was in a serious relationship with her. He's probably still going through the healing process.

One way of looking at it, which is based purely on my own behaviour, if I was looking at pictures of my ex it would mean one of two things
(i) I was still in love with them ... or
(ii) I was finally healing and had got to a stage where I could look back over pictures with fond memories.

Hopefully for you it is the latter.


Talk to him about it, not necessarily the downloads folder but how he is feeling about you and whether he is ready to be in a new relationship.

pookie82

By any chance were they downloaded from FB? It’s quite possible that he sensed maybe she was about to delete some photos of hers that they were both in and wanted copies himself before they were gone forever. If they’re still in touch it could be a conversation they’d had where she warned him she was going to “clean her page” as many ex couples eventually do ... I know it’s a long shot, but he could just have thought to himself “she might/will delete these soon, for the sake of our time spent together and good memories I’d like to keep them”. Doesn’t have to mean he’s still in love ...

You’ll only know if you check. Just tell him what you saw and ask what the story is.

ShaShaBear

How do you know if they are recently downloaded? My partner's laptop has pictures in his downloads folder of pictures from him in cadet training in the army three years ago that he downloaded off Bebo before he deleted his page.