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Is coffee ever just coffee?

  • 12-09-2013 8:51pm
    #1
    Freiheit
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,783 ✭✭✭


    Hi exchanged phone numbers today with an interesting guy I met through work. He's older than me (I'm 30, he's probably over 50), seem's intellectual, mature and we seemed to connect. So coffee was suggested and later arranged. I'm wondering though whether this is ever just coffee,stand alone? or is it a de facto date or an audition for one? Is coffee between a guy and a girl ever just coffee?.

    I am 30 but a very inexperienced dater and feels like I'm starting again so apologies for apparent naievety.

    Thanks
    K


Comments

  • #2
    HalloweenJack
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,334 ✭✭✭HalloweenJack


    It really is hard to know. Only he himself will have the answer.

    I know some people will use "coffee" as a less threatening word for a date, though it also depends on how the other party understands it. I know I myself have gone for a "coffee" with a girl I really liked only to later find out she genuinely believed it to be an innocent coffee.

    He could be innocent or he could be trying to relieve some of the pressure.

    How do you feel about it? Do you want a date or just a coffee? If the latter, maybe you should text him saying you don't want anything more than a coffee and see how he responds to that.


  • #3
    m'lady
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,859 ✭✭✭m'lady


    As the previous poster said only the man in question knows the answer to that! Personally I would go, regardless of whether you just want coffee or a date, reading through your post I think it's the latter, but I could be wrong!?

    Go and have a coffee and then u will know quick enough what the story is.. I wouldn't go telling him that you don't want anything other that coffee before meeting(if that's the case)- you could end up with egg on your face if he replies with a 'I just wanted a coffee' kind of response!


  • #4
    Stheno
    Moderators, Business & Finance Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 51,690 Mod ✭✭✭✭Stheno


    I'm in my early (just a month over forty) forties, and go for coffee with people all the time, and yes it is just coffee!

    It's a networking thing for me :)


  • #5
    joeguevara
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,167 ✭✭✭joeguevara


    It's what you make it. Like asking is dinner just dinner or something more. Or is going for a cigarettes just a cigarette. Can be as little or as much as you make it. Have a coffee, and a chat and take it from there!


  • #6
    Frank Black
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,296 ✭✭✭Frank Black


    Given his age the phrase 'going for coffee' is for him, most likely associated with the Nescafe adds from the 1980's, so yes, he does want to date you and eventually have sex with you.


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  • #7
    Merkin
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,230 ✭✭✭Merkin


    Would you not just take it at face value? As in he invited you for a coffee as he liked talking to you at work?

    He might want to get you into bed. He might want to discuss a business proposal. He might have enjoyed talking to you and would like to get to know you better. He might be lonely. Who knows? Trying to read his mind his futile. If you liked his company and sitting down for a coffee doesn't seem like a terrible prospect then go and go with an open mind rather than trying to analyse his reasons.


  • #8
    heretochat
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 533 ✭✭✭heretochat


    I agree with the posters who encourage you to take this guy at face value and meet him for a coffee if you want to..

    Not all of us men use a coffee date as a springboard to sexual conquest and he may well just enjoy talking to you and want to meet face to face..

    You should be able to guage his intentions fairly quickly and if you are not comfortable you can always make your excuses and leave.


  • #9
    desbrook
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,847 ✭✭✭desbrook


    The obvious thing to do is to ask him straight out but of course you run the risk that it's not a date and never was and you'll look foolish and like you have a poor opinion of him etc etc etc ....hmmmm

    Just tell him that you were thinking of inviting a mutual friend along too .."must see if she's free " . You MIGHT even throw in the old " it's not like it's a date or anything " with a laugh . Believe it or not men do pick up on hints especially when it suits us and this guy sounds like one who would ;)


  • #10
    Freiheit
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,783 ✭✭✭Freiheit


    Thanks all, yes will go for coffee and just enjoy his company. He did send a mildly flirtatous text but it was amusing. I think he's probably a gentle guy and a good soul. I know almost nothing about him, but hey, nothing to loose by sharing an hour or two of my time, with someone who seems interesting. For a few reasons I feel somewhat vulnerable, in the relationship sense, but will take him at face value and try to enjoy.


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