Got myself into a situation

LegacyUser

Back story: I was Friends with Benefits with a guy for a few months. We'll call him Jack. I was the one who stopped it, as i started to fall for him. I didnt want to get hurt because tbh i didnt think there was a hope of him liking me as more than a fcuk buddy. I never gave him the reason why we had to stop, i didnt want him to know. We were really good friends too, we could talk about anything.

Present Day: A few months ago, i met this guy, so down to earth, really nice, got along like a house on fire. And his name is David. We started going out. At first it was fine, we went on a few dates and then we did have sex. Now it just seems to be just sex with him, he keeps suggesting things to me that im not comfortable with, when i say no he gets mad and doesnt talk to me for a few days. He only seems to text me when hes horny aswell lately. Its bugging me to no end. There is a certain thing i despise, its a deal breaker for me, he did it (i would like to stress it is NOT a physical thing done towards me, in case anyone is wondering) and i told him to stop. But he just said if i want to be with him then ill have to put up with it.

Anyway, ex fwb got back in touch with me. We were talking for a while and had a big conversation about what happened between us and how we were. I told him that i was seeing someone and told him how things changed. Turns out Jack did like me but was afraid to say it. My heart skipped a beat, no matter how long its been i have always always still liked him. He had the same idea as me, we just have fun and thats it but we grew closer and we started to like each other. He said that he does want to be with me, he wants to do it right that we wont jump straight into sex, we will go on dates and get to know each other again.

I want to be with Jack but im afraid to be with him. Im kind of stuck between two guys. I just dont want to hurt David. Regardless of what he is like now, he is lovely and i do like him. I havent seen him in a while because we have both been busy so our schedules have been all over the place. I would also like to point out, i will not cheat on David. I wont go do anything at all be it physical or emotional with any other man while im with another.

My head is absolutely wrecked from it. I can barely sleep, i can barely eat or else i stress eat like a whale. I just feel so guilty if i text Jack in anyway, he makes me feel good about myself, i can actually talk to him, not like with David where i get a "I wanna bang you" conversation.


Im not good with any of this relationship stuff when it comes to myself. Grand when it comes to other people.

Can anyone give a few words of wisdom? Or help me make sense of everything? Right now im just exasperated with it running through my head over and over again.

Thank you.

miamee

It sounds to me like David is just another FWB rather than a boyfriend. It doesn't sound like a relationship really so no matter how nice a person he is, he will get over no longer seeing you if you tell him it's over.
If you are hankering after someone else there is no real point in continuing to see him for sex anyway, is there??

You need to clear the way to see if anything can come of the situation with you and Jack. Regardless, the situation with David sounds unhealthy and something you'd be best off out of, in my opinion.

strandroad

David sounds like a jerk who's using you. I'd dump him regardless of whether you end up with Jack or someone else entirely.

LegacyUser

Sorry but if that was me I would say toodles to David and see how things go with Jack..

You say he's nice and lovely, but it doesn't really sound like that to me if I'm honest, he seems to push you for sex and then also doesn't talk to you for a few days after you deny doing things he wants to do... Really wouldn't impress me at all!!

If you think you have a good shot with Jack then I would go for him if I was in your position!

ted1

mhge wrote: »

David sounds like a jerk who's using you. I'd dump him regardless of whether you end up with Jack or someone else entirely.

As above

maria34

I would tell that David to go and find someone else to bully.

wirelessdude01

The David guy sounds like he has begun to play with your head/emotions. Fcuk that. Give it a go with the other guy. You have nothing to lose after that chat. Just keep in mind though that the other guy might have just been saying what he thinks you want to hear so that he can for want of a better thing, get back in your pants.

LegacyUser

OP Here.

Thank you all so much for all your responses. I very much appreciate it.

I know i have to dump David, and you have all confirmed it. I just have no idea how to go about it. I've never dumped someone before.

@wirelessdude01. That has been playing in my mind about Jack, thats why im afraid of going for it with him. Ill proceed with caution.

Thank you again.

Chara1001

OP, David doesn't sound very nice- manipulative and a bit of a bully.

I think you should dump him and don't feel bad about it, there's someone else out there for you and maybe its Jack:)

beks101

I'd give David the heave-ho and proceed with caution with Jack if it was me.

Just bear in mind the nature of the relationship you had with Jack before - purely physical and not emotionally fulfilling. You ended it for a reason. It would be very, VERY easy to go back to that again with this guy and to be honest, lots of guys will tell you what you want to hear to get the leg over.

So give him a chance, but leave sex off the table for a while until things are more solid.

stargazer 68

beks101 wrote: »

I'd give David the heave-ho and proceed with caution with Jack if it was me.

Just bear in mind the nature of the relationship you had with Jack before - purely physical and not emotionally fulfilling. You ended it for a reason. It would be very, VERY easy to go back to that again with this guy and to be honest, lots of guys will tell you what you want to hear to get the leg over.

So give him a chance, but leave sex off the table for a while until things are more solid.

This! Make it clear to Jack that you are starting fresh and you are going to have to 'date' properly rather than just picking up where you left off.

njs030

Like other people have told you I would also suggest you tread very carefully where Jack is concerned.

Hopefully it will work out for you but don't get too involved until its clear what he's looking for.

Best of luck!!

cletus van damme

Dovies wrote: »

This! Make it clear to Jack that you are starting fresh and you are going to have to 'date' properly rather than just picking up where you left off.

bit harsh there - you have to take jack at his word that he is genuine without giving ultimatums.

Moomoo1

awfullyconfused1111 wrote: »

I never gave him the reason why we had to stop, i didnt want him to know.

honesty is really the best policy... communicating back then would have avoided this whole situation. Whatever you do, you have to proceed carefully and let everyone know exactly where they stand.