should i ring / text him?

countryliving

ah romance does'nt get any easier as you get older.i had taken a break from the scene in the last few mths.last saturday i had a day out with a v.good friend of mine who never goes out anymore as she has a child.i wanted her to enjoy herself have a few chats with guys etc.turns out i met a guy l like a lot so we chat away.i didnt think he was into me until we were going home and he suggested going on further in the nite.i drove my friend home.im 39 never married no kids from the country he is 46 separated 4 3 years,no kids.we had a great nite ended up in mcdonalds 4 coffee.finally he kissed me and i went bk to my place to sort my friend out.we chatted all nite exchanged life stories.later that afternoon he dropped into my apt and we watched the match.great physical attraction and we got on great then he had to headaway to mind his mother.but- i have'nt heard from him 3 days.id hav expected a text/phone call.its so disappointing.i know he is heading away tomorrow 4 holiday until monday and hes a stag the following wkend.was i just dreaming! im considering getting in touch but in all my years i believe if a guy is into you he'll come chasing.its rare you meet a guy u like but i'd probably make an eijid of myself getting in touch.i know this same email has been written a hundred times in this forum. what do i do?

judgefudge

Why wouldn't you get in touch? If you like him get in contact. Then if he doesn't reply or is cold then you have your answer. He's probably busy if he's going away. Besides which there's absolutely no reason that he should get in touch first, just because he is the guy. That's pretty old fashioned view.

There's nothing to be ashamed of about getting in touch first.

CaraMay

Op sorry but if a guy in his 40's is interested then he will contact you. Been there, worn the T shirt.

MagicMarker

You're 39 yet you sound like a teenager.

Just text him.

Jack Kyle

My gut instinct tells me that this guy is not separated.

When I hear "separated with kids", dashing off to "mind his mother", holidays, weekends away and long periods of non contact, I get very suspicious...

I hope that I'm way off the mark.

LegacyUser

Hey I totally know where you're coming from, yes it may seem old fashioned but I think most women know that if a guy likes you he'll get in contact, he has no reason to think you don't like him!
And I know that if I do get in contact with the guy first, more than likely he will reply and be happy to meet up, but you have this worry then that it will set the pattern of him knowing you will be the one getting in contact and you will always wonder if he really wants to, or just meeting up for something to do, because sure why wouldn't he!
I know it's not cool or 21st century to think like that, but if you have a history of the guys that were really into you always being the ones to call, then it will feel weird of forced to be the one doing the chasing.
I'd give him 1 text over next few days and see how that goes. If he's not doing everything to meet up again, then I wouldn't bother.

countryliving

Jack Kyle wrote: »

My gut instinct tells me that this guy is not separated.

When I hear "separated with kids", dashing off to "mind his mother", holidays, weekends away and long periods of non contact, I get very suspicious...

I hope that I'm way off the mark.

no he has'nt got kids he was out in dublin with his twin brother...he'd hardly be out pulling if he was not single but some men and women are not honest.id be able to find out easily if he was married we know people in common.but he told me his ex wife has moved to the states and she keeps in touch.i dont mean to sound like a teenager! wondering should i get in touch with him but i feel we only live once and we got on great.what a nite.on the otherhand i feel he'd be in touch if he was into me.ah! the scene doesnt get easier...i had taken a step back as ive other major priorities going on he was a breath of fresh air! thanx 4 ur help fello boards

ElleEm

You feel that if he was interested he would contact you, so what if he thinks the same?

Ring him!!!!

countryliving

ElleEm wrote: »

You feel that if he was interested he would contact you, so what if he thinks the same?

Ring him!!!!

yeh would love a chat all rite with him.text him 15 mins ago.no response!

MagicMarker

countryliving wrote: »

yeh would love a chat all rite with him.text him 15 mins ago.no response!

It's been 15 mins, and it's after midnight.

IrishEyes19

countryliving wrote: »

yeh would love a chat all rite with him.text him 15 mins ago.no response!

you'll be fine. Just relax now, there's nothing you can do. If you let your mind get carried away, you will come across as paranoid and clingy. Dont be too hard on yourself either, you are getting back into the throws of dating and its a horrible place when you aren't used to the back and fro of the dating world. Its all changed now. its texting, meeting up, sometimes facebook orientated and that can be so overwhelming when you were previously used to being with someone who was committed and you knew where you stood.

but the important bit is this. this should be fun, enjoyable, not a series of "does he like me. why hasnt he texted." if you find yourself going that way, you might need to sit back until you are more secure in yourself, or else its possible he just doesnt want what you want, and thats ok too. Just be good to yourself. you know you are worth a healthy happy relationship, so dont settle for less, but dont sabotage it either, its early days! best of luck

Merkin

countryliving wrote: »

yeh would love a chat all rite with him.text him 15 mins ago.no response!

You can't be serious? You texted him at seven minutes to midnight on a weeknight and you're wondering why he hasn't responded within fifteen minutes? :eek:

You really need to relax. If you want my honest opinion though, a guy who is interested will always arrange to see you again before letting you go. You were right to text him but if he doesn't respond then just leave it.

countryliving

hello everyone - just to give you an update.
Yes i think if a guy is interested he will invite you out before he leaves you and he will make plans to meet again. I think if a guy interested he will do the initial making the effort to meet.
i had a magical time with this fello - to spend all night chatting and hanging out like you can't beat that.
i found out for definite that he is not married via a friend who works in the hotel industry. i was very relieved to find that information out as it would be just too hurtful after sharing life stories to find that he was married id be gutted as i would hate that...i want to meet a single guy - yeh fair enough maybe separated with kids but in a position for a girlfriend not a mistress.
it is exceptionally hard these days on the romantic scene. i find over the last 20 years i have been going out and how many times have i met a guy out on the scene and you kiss him have a laugh and they never ring you again. it is soul destroying. now i don't know what i do wrong.
i did text the lad i met last sat night harmless text and he never came back to me and im gutted. it is so hard. one of my friends said ah you shouldnt have stayed out all night with him play a bit harder to get...i kissed the guy didnt have sex and we met the next day to watch the match. it was harmless and i enjoyed every minute. but - no wonder i gave the scene a break over the last year cause i go out meet someone and they never call.it is tough.im not desperate, normal and easy going. thank you everyone. we will keep going.

Merkin

Aw I know it is so hard and I do sympathise. It's really tough when you think you may have made some kind of connection with someone and then for them not to follow up on it or pursue anything. You're left scratching your head wondering what the hell just happened there and if you actually imagined things.

By the same token, he has not led you a merry dance and that is good. You had a nice time with this guy, you snogged, hung out and had lots of fun. Maybe an experience like this is actually good for you insofar as it has allowed you to open your heart up a little bit after being closed off to dating for so long.

My only advice is to take each date or encounter in your stride. Try and shut down that inner voice going "is this the one", "I wonder does he like me" "I wonder will he ask me out again" because all of that is just white noise which ultimately stops you from enjoying things in the moment. It also stops you from being the one in control and deciding if you want to actually see him again. See where I'm coming from? Expect nothing. Take some control back. Keep an open mind and try where possible to take things as they come and dating will be far more enjoyable for you.

countryliving

thanks Merkel that is sound advice. appreciate your thoughts. your email says exactly how i feel.
its hard. when you get hope like that when you go out and you just think cor this could be a runner and then it just diminishes and you get down by it yet again another kick in the teeth. as i said i just closed off for a long time. i have been hurt a few times in the past - no more than anyone else but i guess ive also a few other stuff going on with jobs and financials so my lack of a love life is highlighted..