i need someone in my corner

too proud

hi all, i guess i'm posting here because i just need some objective advice. i'm 36, male and have found myself living alone unemployed and turning to drink for comfort again. i finished college a three years ago and a lot has happened since. I was in a gigging band for a while. I made some new friends I was happy for a while. i fell out with a few friends of twenty years. i am alone. i didn't know how to reconnect. I joined some clubs and am proud of myself for getting out there. i planned all last year to go abroad. i saved hard for a year and one night i booked my flight. i was short a small bit of money but my older sister had said she would help me out. " you have no life" she said. They were hard words to hear. she was right. My sister said she couldn't loan me the money. My parents wouldn't help. My mother said she was afraid for me. I went abroad for two weeks only. I was in suc a good mood when i came back but everything has gone backwards. all my plans. I have a work visa wasting away in my passport now. i needed their financial help this one time. i needed someone in my corner. i just wanted to get off the dole and start afresh for a year. I needed their help. I have never asked them for money. I feel so let down for myself. I was too proud to ask the three of them for a small loan of a couple of hundred each. now my mother is back to her patronising me saying how easy it to go abroad. but she wouldn't help me when she had the chance. I am so angry about the whole thing. My counsellor is glossing over everything with "oh so how do you you feel". Man if I hear that phrase i more time. i feel better now for writing things down. i just never get to say my side of the story. It was my time to go abroad for a while. my friends and family aren't there for me. i can't even get the courage to tell them what i really think. i'm alone. i'm up and down all day.

NicoleL88

Hi, I'm a bit confused reading this. You say you were too proud to ask for money but then say that they wouldn't help you by giving you money. How were they supposed to know that you needed some when you didn't ask?

Could you clarify OP?

too proud

i know i was on a bit of a rant there. just when i couldn't get help directly from my sister she also said not to be relying on other people. i had told my mother how i needed financial help. i just feel let down. i know it's not for other people to help me. but i helped my mother when she went abroad for a year. i was paying her bills. looking after her house.

too proud

i was too proud to ask my father or my uncle for help. after asking my sister and mother i was afraid i'd get no help from them.

heretochat

Well you wouldn't know whether they would help you out unless you asked.

Bit of a rant of a post really. I was finding it a bit hard to follow if I am honest.

Paddy Cow

I don't understand what you are ranting about? You planned to go abroad for a year yet once you booked your ticket you had no more money and expected your family to finance you? I don't know why anyone would spend all their savings on a ticket if they couldn't afford set up costs. Could you not have waited another few months until you had saved the money yourself?

I'm kinda confused by your post. At first I thought you were going to Australia but then you said you were back in two weeks. Then you said you have a visa wasting in your passport. The only detail your op seems to be clear on is that you are p!ssed off with your family for not giving you money. That's ridiculous. At 36 you should be mature enough to pay for your own year working holiday.

December2012

Do you ever tell your counsellor how you feel? About them asking how you feel? Counselling is a safe place to rant and vent - the aim is that this talking out loud and onside ring the truth of your feelings puts you in a stronger place.

What are you doing to help yourself?

Do you spend your dole on drink?