Am I burying my head in the sand?

sdcork999

I am looking for some advice as I don't know who I can talk to without a biased opinion. I am having doubts about my boyfriend of 5 years. We are happy most of the time but I've always known deep down we've got different outlooks on many things.
To give a background, when we got together 5 years ago, it was shortly before I was moving away for a new job. We really liked each other so he decided to follow me. After only 6 weeks together we actually ended up moving in together (yes not the brightest idea ever but financially it made sense and we were young and probably a bit stupid). Living together after such a short time knowing each other was stressful and we did have some blazing rows. Since then, we moved to another country and lived apart. Things were much better but when we argued it was still pretty full on. This is the way it always is with us; and still is to this day - we're either ridiculously happy or screaming at each other. The thing is, I have been in relationships in the past where I never got into arguments. I'm not saying this is all my boyfriend's fault but he is quite quick tempered. He doesn't come from the happiest / most secure upbringing and I feel he is repeating learned behaviours.
I know we've been together a long time but we are getting to the stage / age where marriage and settling down is on the cards in the next year or so and I really want to be sure before making any commitments.
The other issue I have is his work ethic. We moved back to Cork some months back and I know the job situation is a disaster in Ireland at the moment but he has made little effort to look for work. He hates being on social welfare but is a disaster when it comes to looking for work. He just doesn't have enough self motivation. He was doing volunteer work but I found it for him and if I hadn't he'd probably be still sitting around doing nothing. He recently started a college course which is great but there's no guarantee of work at the end of it. My fear is when he finishes the course he will struggle to find work and then what?
I worry that I will be the one having to provide for us financially which would be fine - modern world and all that - he could be a stay at home Dad except there is still the issue of volatility within our relationship.
I worry will he be a good husband / father. He is a good person and I know he adores me but I just don't know. I can't work out whether I'm being harsh on him / making excuses for him / just panicking at the thoughts of settling down.

Any advice / thoughts would be greatly appreciated.

freshpopcorn

It's hard to know to be honest. Do you love the guy?
If so your relationship would have a good chance. Does your boyfriend have anger issues? He possible go to see a counselor to deal with issues from his up bringing if they were the root of his anger problem. If you find him hard living together in the past this may be a problem if ye were to survive in the future.

Was he good to work abroad? If he was good to work abroad his work ethic mightn't be that bad. Since he's started a college course it does show he want to better himself. A lot of courses now a days mightn't have great prospects at the end of them but who knows what the economy will be like in a few years.
It is important tough that he does a course that he likes/enjoys. If you force somebody to do a course that they'd hate just because they might get a job at the end of it. They'd resent it and might resent the person that encouraged them to do it.
As for the volunteer work, I know people who wouldn't like this because they feel they should be getting paid. If they had to do a bit of charity collecting or something they'd do it no bother but if it's something they have a good bit they would feel their working for nothing.

DangerMouse27

Its so difficult to get a read on this Op..

After six weeks of knowing him, you both decided to live together, yet..
"Since then, we moved to another country and lived apart"
What made moving to a different country, make you then live apart?

"but we are getting to the stage / age where marriage and settling down is on the cards in the next year or so"
It sounds like you both have already talked bout this or why would anything be on the cards.
You shouldnt put time frames like that on yourself, it will just lead to stress.

You also mention different outlooks on life? whatever does that mean? Are you compromising all of the time?

Regards.