How would you deal with a mile long penis?

Mr Benevolent

I've been wondering about this. A mile long penis would a major advantage. Women would queue up to date you, farmers would ask you to lasso their calves, you could rappel down glaciers and bungy jump for free. But there could be disadvantages too. You'd need a truck to cart it to work, winter would pose challenges and someone could step on your knob a mile away without knowing it.

So, fellow AHers, would you be happy with a mile long penis?

shopaholic01

No woman would be interested in a mile long penis.

kneemos

People would certainly see you coming.

Dravokivich

You'd need a thousand women to get a hands job. And some kind of pump to help get the jizz through. Man, that'll be too high maintenance for me.

mlumley

I'm not cutting mine in half for anyone.

Ush1

shopaholic01 wrote: »

No woman would be interested in a mile long penis.

Balls the size of space hoppers however...

Spring Onion

Mr Benevolent wrote: »

I've been wondering about this. A mile long penis would a major advantage. Women would queue up to date you, farmers would ask you to lasso their calves, you could rappel down glaciers and bungy jump for free. But there could be disadvantages too. You'd need a truck to cart it to work, winter would pose challenges and someone could step on your knob a mile away without knowing it.

So, fellow AHers, would you be happy with a mile long penis?

Why would they? How much penis do you think a woman can take?
She could start giving you a blowjob and then be hanging on for dear life as she is erected towards the clouds. She wouldn't even hear your warning.

Why did I bother replying? Losing it...

shopaholic01

Ush1 wrote: »

Balls the size of space hoppers however...

Still a no.

Lingua Franca

I think it was a snake and I'd hit it with a rake.

The Backwards Man

I'd slide on it all the way bback to my hotel

Smidge

I doubt there would be many women queuing up to become a human shish-kebab. :eek:

Irishbob

Never mind a mile long, if mine was that extra inch longer, i cud go F*#k myself....

IvaBigWun

You sir win thread title of the week

Starscream25

I'd wrap it around the spire and take a picture and upload to facebook

Czarcasm

Spring Onion wrote: »

Why would they? How much penis do you think a woman can take?
She could start giving you a blowjob and then be hanging on for dear life as she is erected towards the clouds. She wouldn't even hear your warning.

Why did I bother replying? Losing it...

You'd pass out before you even got a semi in fairness with the amount of blood it'd take to get hard! :pac:

All honesty OP, since you never mentioned girth, no girl or even a guy would be interested in a mile long pencil dick!

Bungee jumping would also be problematic, the weight of your body falling from a mile height you'd rip your own nuts off.

Christ the physics of it would be just, no! :pac:

Zaph

Mr Benevolent wrote: »

bungy jump for free

Leaving aside the practical considerations of how elastic the human penis is in comparison to bungee cord, I'd imagine that this would be something you'd only try once as you'd end up as a red puddle on the ground after you realised too late that the drop is a lot shorter than your penis.

Idle Passerby

Would it have a girth to match or would it be like a giant strand of cooked spaghetti?

Czarcasm

I'm praying nobody starts a parody thread about dealing with a mile wide vagina...

MadsL

1 mile of pennies would be worth about six....


oh.

Gummy Panda

I would ask to be employed as barrier at crossings or into compounds.

Gummy Panda

I would ask to be employed as barrier at crossings or into compounds.

Mickey H

Mr Benevolent wrote: »

I've been wondering about this. A mile long penis would a major advantage. Women would queue up to date you, farmers would ask you to lasso their calves, you could rappel down glaciers and bungy jump for free. But there could be disadvantages too. You'd need a truck to cart it to work, winter would pose challenges and someone could step on your knob a mile away without knowing it.

So, fellow AHers, would you be happy with a mile long penis?

How would you carry it around? A fire hose reel?

rolliepoley

You'ed be the second comming thats for sure.

Liamario

Cut it down to size you want.

goz83

I could pee into the sea from my house a mile away.

But how to avoid traffic running over it at several junctions might pose a problem.

Might also need a mile long sock, or be done for indecent exposure.

No. I will keep my needle d1ck thank you very much.

RobbingBandit

Drink a gallon of whiskey and Ride Mary Harney, she would be the only one it would fit in,either side might I add.

harney

Gummy Panda wrote: »

I would ask to be employed as barrier at crossings or into compounds.

Yea, school compounds...............ya dirty fecker :eek:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7iPC_HhGfAI

nocoverart

I'd finally not suck at Golf or Tennis.

peekachoo

first thing I think of:

"he'll be comin' round the mountains when he comes" :rolleyes:

Corvo

Would be like Independance Day, tons of fighter jets trying to destroy it. One last jet would fly straight into the jap eye, causing a massive explosion.














I have thought too much into this

Mickey H

Corvo wrote: »

Would be like Independance Day, tons of fighter jets trying to destroy it. One last jet would fly straight into the jap eye, causing a massive explosion.














I have thought too much into this

Indeed you have my good man.
Still funny though.

Mr. CooL ICE

Reminds me of this. NSFW

pharmaton

if you cut it in half it would grow a new head and you would have two half mile long penises

Mr Tibbs

How would you deal with a mile long penis.

I'd bend mine in half.

Gbear

MadsL wrote: »

1 mile of pennies would be worth about six....


oh.

I was curious.

If we're talking 1 cent pieces it would be €9636.77.

BBDBB

Gbear wrote: »

I was curious.

If we're talking 1 cent pieces it would be €9636.77.

that'd be grand.........well nearly 10 grand

NuckingFacker

Gbear wrote: »

I was curious.

If we're talking 1 cent pieces it would be €9636.77.

Stacked, or laying edge to edge? Variables dude, variables.. also a mile long dick would take a lot of pulling behind you. Kinda like a reverse game of snake.

BBDBB

NuckingFacker wrote: »

Stacked, or laying edge to edge? Variables dude, variables.. also a mile long dick would take a lot of pulling behind you. Kinda like a reverse game of snake.

It would be terrible, you'd be pulling out into traffic and your dick would be stuck at the lights three streets back

from_atozinc

U cud do Fook all practical **** with a mile long dick. You cudnt even give yourself a harry John.

I'd prefer a foot long thomaseen Sean rua

Roger_007

Mr Tibbs wrote: »

How would you deal with a mile long penis.

I'd bend mine in half.

There was an old man from Kent,


Whose dick was terribly bent,


So, to save himself trouble,


He put it in double,


And instead of coming he went.

Gbear

NuckingFacker wrote: »

Stacked, or laying edge to edge? Variables dude, variables.. also a mile long dick would take a lot of pulling behind you. Kinda like a reverse game of snake.

Stacked.
End to end would be roughly 1/10th the amount.

johnayo

When you'd get a boner, would you automatically be a member of the mile high club?.:cool:

Sofiztikated

Czarcasm wrote: »

You'd pass out before you even got a semi in fairness with the amount of blood it'd take to get hard! :pac:

All honesty OP, since you never mentioned girth, no girl or even a guy would be interested in a mile long pencil dick!

Bungee jumping would also be problematic, the weight of your body falling from a mile height you'd rip your own nuts off.

Christ the physics of it would be just, no! :pac:

You'v never heard the phrases

Long and thin, goes all the way in.
Short and thick, does the trick?

redtapestyl

BBDBB wrote: »

It would be terrible, you'd be pulling out into traffic and your dick would be stuck at the lights three streets back

Never thought of that, puts an interesting perspective on the thread

Sinfonia

If anyone ever asks "What's AH about then?" point to this thread.

Conway635

You'd need planning permission for it for a start.

C635

crazygeryy

id take it out on the long mile road.

brandon_flowers

They'd need two cameras to take a photo of it.

Mr Benevolent

Zaph wrote: »

Leaving aside the practical considerations of how elastic the human penis is in comparison to bungee cord, I'd imagine that this would be something you'd only try once as you'd end up as a red puddle on the ground after you realised too late that the drop is a lot shorter than your penis.

The solution, as you've already realised, is to wrap the penis AROUND the mountain.

Claasman

mile long?? What's that in new money?

gubber

I think bungee jumping using an elongated penis as a rope would be incredibly painful.