How do you know when your long-distance relationship is doomed?

Over_the_waves

Made the mistake of posting this in after hours initially oh well ...


How do you know when your long-distance relationship is doomed?
This is a question I have been asking myself over the past few days, not fun as you can imagine.

Some context: I have been going out with my girlfriend for the past two years, happiest years I ever spent, truth be told. For her too, I think. We recently went on holiday and everything was really good.

However, here's the thing: I have been living in a different city to her for the past year. I had to go due to work commitments, and we both made a huge effort to make it work: visits every two to three weeks, constant skyping, messaging, email etc. And before anyone jumps on it, I have offered more than once to come back to where she's based, to take a lower position than my qualifications, and she always aaid no, that I can't sacrifice that for her, that I have to get back there with a decent job.

She was always the most cheerful, sweet, selfless woman I ever met. But in recent weeks, there's been a noticeable change in demeanour. Even though I'm working on returning to her city, she's not happy with me being away. I offered to come back to her city immediately, just for her, but she point blank refused. And when I tell her I love her these days, she doesn't say it back any more.

I feel like confronting the issue, because I can feel this slipping away from me, and I am not sure what I can do to make it work any more. Any words of advice?

NicoleL88

Over_the_waves wrote: »

I feel like confronting the issue

Then do that. Ask her if her feelings have changed or if anything is bothering her. You're a couple, you need to discuss these things together.

Over_the_waves

Yeah, have the feeling that it's all over bar, tbh. People don't have sudden mood swings like that unless there's something up, and I think it's a bad sign if you offer to drop everything and get a FU.

NicoleL88

That's not entirely true.

She may not want you to sacrifice your livelihood for her, that would make her feel guilty. My OH was the same when I was offered a year in Japan teaching. He told me he'd be extremely upset if I turned it down just for him. I turned it down in the end anyway :P

But anyway, you really need to discuss it with her. You may have a feeling that it's over but at least find out why things are going the way they are before calling it a day.

Over_the_waves

Yeah, true enough. I can't help feeling that it's impossible if the person won't let you come to them and is unhappy with you being away, though. And her moving city was never broached, even though it would be easier for her...

NicoleL88

Maybe now is the time to broach it?

Over_the_waves

I already have, not much the wiser, actually

NicoleL88

Eeek.

Well I guess I'll step out here as I don't seem to be of much help. I can only advise that you talk things through with her. If it's something that you both want then you'll find a way to make it work again.

Best of luck to you OP.

Over_the_waves

NicoleL88 wrote: »

Eeek.

Well I guess I'll step out here as I don't seem to be of much help. I can only advise that you talk things through with her. If it's something that you both want then you'll find a way to make it work again.

Best of luck to you OP.

Ok, appreciate your advice!

Best Wishes,

Over the Waves.