How do you know when your long-distance relationship is doomed?

Over_the_waves

This is a question I have been asking myself over the past few days, not fun as you can imagine.

Some context: I have been going out with my girlfriend for the past two years, happiest years I ever spent, truth be told. For her too, I think. We recently went on holiday and everything was really good.

However, here's the thing: I have been living in a different city to her for the past year. I had to go due to work commitments, and we both made a huge effort to make it work: visits every two to three weeks, constant skyping, messaging, email etc. And before anyone jumps on it, I have offered more than once to come back to where she's based, to take a lower position than my qualifications, and she always aaid no, that I can't sacrifice that for her, that I have to get back there with a decent job.

She was always the most cheerful, sweet, selfless woman I ever met. But in recent weeks, there's been a noticeable change in demeanour. Even though I'm working on returning to her city, she's not happy with me being away. I offered to come back to her city immediately, just for her, but she point blank refused. And when I tell her I love her these days, she doesn't say it back any more.

I feel like confronting the issue, because I can feel this slipping away from me, and I am not sure what I can do to make it work any more. Any words of advice?

Amirani

When you catch her getting the ride on the webcam.

beertons

There's another cock in there.

Amirani

In seriousness though, you'll get less dickish answers if you post here: http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/forumdisplay.php?f=1174

anncoates

If she's refusing you moving back then it sounds pretty bad, sorry.

I did 3 years LD with my now wife and the overriding desire was always to try and find somewhere we could both work and live which we now do so that situation sounds a bit dodgy to be honest.

You might get more serious answers in Personal Issues by the way, but the ones here will at least make you laugh.

Oregano_State

Sounds like you've answered your own question there, mate. Definitely talk to her about it. Also, this probably isn't the best place to post if you're looking for serious responses.

humbert

When there's a noticeable change in demeanour. Even though you're working on returning to her city, she's not happy with you being away. When you offer to come back to her city immediately, just for her, but she point blank refuses. And when you tell her you love her and she doesn't say it back any more.

That'd be when.

lkionm

Send her a picture of your willy with a winky face.

Bitches love winky faces, and sonnets

Over_the_waves

NiallSparky wrote: »

In seriousness though, you'll get less dickish answers if you post here: http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/forumdisplay.php?f=1174

Aye, most probably. Cheers.

Joe10000

Doesn't sound good fella but you have to confront it sooner then later.

lkionm

NiallSparky wrote: »

In seriousness though, you'll get less dickish answers if you post here: http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/forumdisplay.php?f=1174

You wrecked my midnight fun.

FearDark

Someone else is ridin' the back off her.

Twiggy69

I would gird my loins for some bad news...By all means raise it with her, oossibly before you visit her again. Be prepared for the worst, and if you get positive re-assurance, then motor on.

Best of luck with it. You might let us know it turned out

T

Birneybau

She works on the International Space Station?

humbert

NiallSparky wrote: »

In seriousness though, you'll get less dickish answers if you post here: http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/forumdisplay.php?f=1174

It's worth remembering that the answers you get there will be from people who spend their time reading forums like that.

Dyr

Yeah another jockey is in the saddle, deffo.

keith16

anncoates wrote: »

I did 3 years LD with my now wife

Ann Coates! A bloke! Well colour me fucking shocked!

Or maybe you're a lezzer? Cos that's cool too. And less shocking.

anncoates

keith16 wrote: »

Or maybe you're a lezzer? Cos that's cool too. And less shocking.

I'm an Axminster Chewer. Our big day was in San Fran.

Cee-Jay-Cee

Unfortunately it sounds bad. Talk to her about it, ask her out straight and tell her exactly what you told us. Then report back here, ata boy...

anncoates

That's what I love about AH by the way.

It's like everybody just arbitrarily/randomly decided to show respect to the thread just because they can.

Perhaps try to be spontaneous and plan something different?

I am in a long distance relationship too and it does take it's toll sometimes. 2 months apart and 1 week together where family and friends also want to be around. It becomes mundane.

Don't contact her for a couple of days, see if she contacts you. You'll know if she's missing you or not. If she is, surprise her with something different to what you've been doing so far. Hope things work out for ya

BillyMitchel

When she sends you a photo of someone else's penis in her mouth saying #SORRY

Over_the_waves

Well, thanks for the responses! Been colourful if nowt else.

cullen167

In long distance myself, my advice would be to tell her you're going back rather than asking. Much easier to judge from that reaction rather than asking her if she agrees to you giving so much when she might not do the same for you. Just from what you're saying it seems like you're not expecting her to move for you.

Over_the_waves

cullen167 wrote: »

In long distance myself, my advice would be to tell her you're going back rather than asking. Much easier to judge from that reaction rather than asking her if she agrees to you giving so much when she might not do the same for you. Just from what you're saying it seems like you're not expecting her to move for you.

Yeah, that would be right, even though it would be easier for her to move, as it happens.

Aidric

Over_the_waves wrote: »

She was always the most cheerful, sweet, selfless woman I ever met. But in recent weeks, there's been a noticeable change in demeanour. Even though I'm working on returning to her city, she's not happy with me being away. I offered to come back to her city immediately, just for her, but she point blank refused. And when I tell her I love her these days, she doesn't say it back any more.

I feel like confronting the issue, because I can feel this slipping away from me, and I am not sure what I can do to make it work any more. Any words of advice?

Same thing happened a Swedish mate of mine recently who was here on a 1 year project. He saw his missus twice a month and everything was going well until 3 weeks before he was due to return home and she said she wanted a break.

My gut feeling was that she was getting rode sideways by another bloke but I held that back from my mate as he was pretty broke up about it. He refused a break and asked her to wait for him to return home and piece things together. They are now seemingly happy but I still have my suspicions.

Moral of the story: If your bird makes a sudden drastic change in direction she is getting poleaxed. Cut her loose.

Royal Irish

Break up with her before she breaks up with you.

Legs.Eleven

Hmmm. It could be that she's not sure how she feels with the distance. As someone said, I'd try testing her and tell her you're moving back. Insist on it and see her reaction.


Or ask her what the craic is straight out.

BNMC

*insert dickish answer here*

cml387

I was told that smartphones and the social media (whatver that is) would fix this.

Sems like they was wrong

donegal__road

in the immortal last words of the great Seamus Heany... 'Dont be afraid'

Miss Mayhem

She might be reluctant and scared to ask you to move back in case you end up resenting her for it. The best way to figure out if she's still interested in you is to check your all sent/received mail, call log, etc, and work out the ratios of who's contacting who. If it's relatively 50/50 then I'd say she still has feelings for you. But if it's mostly you doing all the phoning, texting, etc than she's probably moved on and seeing someone else. I'm sorry if this is the case xx

jimbobaloobob

If it takes more energy than you get from it then thats telling you something about the effect it will have for the future

Canis Lupus

You is due to be single soon OP. (sorry, sucks to be you).

stateofflux

BillyMitchel wrote: »

When she sends you a photo of someone else's penis in her mouth saying #SORRY

class....:pac: