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I gave the missus a dig last night.

  • 05-09-2013 09:29AM
    #1
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,045 ✭✭✭✭


    I was dreaming last night that someone was insulting me and pushing me around (no idea who or why) and I reacted and hit them a box.

    As happens sometimes, we carry out the physical action that we dream and I lashed out my fist and gave herself a right dig in the back. She woke up with a roar asking me what the jaysus I was up to and needless to say she was fairly pissed off after getting a slap at 4 o'clock in the morning. This is course led to whispered grovelling and apologies on my part and although I don't remember I was told this morning that there were a few snorts of laughter from me after.

    Anyone else every done anything stupid in their sleep or heard anyone saying weird stuff when talking in their sleep?


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Comments

  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,808 ✭✭✭FatherLen


    ha sneaky back punch!


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 11,217 ✭✭✭✭m5ex9oqjawdg2i


    My ex girlfriend thought I was a sandwich, she took a massive bite out of what was in fact my back. I wasn't sure what was happening, woke up in a panic trying to get away from this crazy lady in my bed.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,700 ✭✭✭ThirdMan


    gramar wrote: »
    she was fairly pissed off

    My girlfriend was 'fairly pissed on' one night if you get what I mean. I was on the soup all the day. 15 pints to the good. She woke up and I was kneeling on the bed. Pissing on to her neck.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 3,407 ✭✭✭lkionm


    My ex girlfriend thought I was a sandwich, she took a massive bite out of what was in fact my back. I wasn't sure what was happening, woke up in a panic trying to get away from this crazy lady in my bed.

    Mine once got a craving for sausage in the middle of the night.


    That was a good night.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2,039 ✭✭✭force eleven


    Buy 2 single beds. Problem solved.


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 14,163 ✭✭✭✭danniemcq


    All The F*cking Time,

    She has kicked me (pretty sure its why my knee isn't healing properly) a heap and i've given her the odd dig too. We constantly do that jerk (thanks evolution) when you are just about to fall asleep and because of the way we sleep there is usually elbows going into chins and knees into places they shouldn't.

    Knee to the balls is by far the worst way you can possibly wake up


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 12,045 ✭✭✭✭gramar


    ThirdMan wrote: »
    My girlfriend was 'fairly pissed on' one night if you get what I mean. I was on the soup all the day. 15 pints to the good. She woke up and I was kneeling on the bed. Pissing on to her neck.

    Is that you Paddy Hogan?

    http://www.independent.ie/irish-news/courts/hogans-brother-had-about-15-pints-before-crash-court-told-29549860.html


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 710 ✭✭✭mad turnip


    ThirdMan wrote: »
    My girlfriend was 'fairly pissed on' one night if you get what I mean. I was on the soup all the day. 15 pints to the good. She woke up and I was kneeling on the bed. Pissing on to her neck.

    ah come on like, can't hold your drink for ****.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 3,407 ✭✭✭lkionm


    ThirdMan wrote: »
    My girlfriend was 'fairly pissed on' one night if you get what I mean. I was on the soup all the day. 15 pints to the good. She woke up and I was kneeling on the bed. Pissing on to her neck.

    Hahahahaha that is fantastic


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,324 ✭✭✭BillyMitchel


    Do you always hit people that take the piss?! We got a bad ass over here.

    Should of donkey punched her instead! She won't be moaning then.


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,389 ✭✭✭mattjack


    After watching Saving Private Ryan and a day of cider , I tried to strangle Mrs Mattjack that night in the bed, how was I to know she wasn't in the German Light Infantry.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 10,967 ✭✭✭✭Zulu


    lkionm wrote: »
    Mine once got a craving for sausage in the middle of the night.


    That was a good night.
    Why doesn't she have any teeth? :eek:


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,005 ✭✭✭irelandrover


    The night before a match i often dream about playing, which leads to me kicking a lot. Very often this means I end up kicking the missus in the middle of the night.

    She doesnt really like me playing sports anymore


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 3,407 ✭✭✭lkionm


    Zulu wrote: »
    Why doesn't she have any teeth? :eek:

    She wanted a knuckle sandwich the previous night.

    I obliged


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 14,163 ✭✭✭✭danniemcq


    I guess though if you want to take it one step further...

    I also hit her sqaure in the face with a screaming monkey toy from about 10ft (just enough time for her to hear the scream and turn her head to get it perfect) and there was the time in the toy shop when I found an airzooka. accurate up to 25ft if not further and called her name.

    The blast of air made her look like Medusa or a really angry ghost witch creature with her hair blown everywhere and a face that made me think she might kill me.

    Both incidents i did the decent boyfriend thing and had to sit down i was laughing so hard


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,906 ✭✭✭EGriff


    ThirdMan wrote: »
    My girlfriend was 'fairly pissed on' one night if you get what I mean. I was on the soup all the day. 15 pints to the good. She woke up and I was kneeling on the bed. Pissing on to her neck.

    You were so drunk you missed her face?


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,446 ✭✭✭Corvo Attano


    One night after watching The Fly when I was younger, I had a temperature and was having vivid nightmares. As I was sleeping I apparently hoped up as if I was going to make a run and to stop me hitting a wall my father grabbed my arm to which in my head was me being attacked and I replied with a hefty box to the chest :o


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 36,110 ✭✭✭✭Penn


    When I was about 14, I was having a dream that I was in Science class. The teacher asked me a question, and I said "I don't know, Miss". She said "Is that because you don't have your pillow?"

    I woke up, sat upright in the bed very confused. Thought it was a strange dream. Put my head back down to go to sleep and realised my pillow was gone. Used the light on my watch (back before everyone had mobile phones and an illuminated digital watch was really high-tech) to look around the room and couldn't see my pillow anywhere. Ended up pulling my duvet up to act as a pillow. Found my actual pillow in the hall the next morning.

    Having breakfast, I told my father that I found my pillow in the hall but couldn't remember putting it there. He said "Yeah, I was thinking you were sleepwalking". I asked what he meant. He said "Well, I was on my way down to bed when you came out of your room, handed me your pillow and said 'Give that to my secretary in the morning'"


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 14,380 ✭✭✭✭Banjo String


    In an old job, I remember our forklift driver came in and told us about his mementos weekend him and the wife had in England...

    He was on the gargle the day before they were due to fly out, and he got up in the middle of the night and pissed right into the wide open suitcase full of their neatly pressed weekend away clothes.

    We called him slash from then on.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 13,925 ✭✭✭✭anncoates


    Kicked the wife out of bed (in my sleep) before. Well not so much a kick (apparently and thankfully) more like a robust shove with my feet that resulted in her falling out on to the floor.

    The resultant short-term effect on my sex life was akin to that of Chernobyl on Pripiyat.


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 571 ✭✭✭Manzoor14


    Woke my girlfriend early one morning by asking "So do you have many games in Europe this year?"

    Her: Eh?
    Me: Yeah sure you're in the Europa league next season yeah?
    Her: What are you talking about?
    Me: Sorry, I thought you were a Spurs fan?

    I rolled over and went back to sleep!


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 458 ✭✭chainsawman


    Remind me of myself in the late seventies , Was having a nightmare having beaten up by christian Bothers whom i was at boarding school in Dublin. Was beating up the wall which i thought was a Christian Brother, My Aunt woke me up in the middle of the night when she heard the punching on the wall, The blood was all over the wall paper. Knuckles was bruises with blood . It was only two months after I left boarding school to start new working life in Waterford where i was born.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,281 ✭✭✭donegal_road


    Remind me of myself in the late seventies , Was having a nightmare having beaten up by christian Bothers whom i was at boarding school in Dublin. Was beating up the wall which i thought was a Christian Brother, My Aunt woke me up in the middle of the night when she heard the punching on the wall, The blood was all over the wall paper. Knuckles was bruises with blood . It was only two months after I left boarding school to start new working life in Waterford where i was born.

    the Christian brothers were no better than the Black and Tans


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,786 ✭✭✭KungPao


    My ex girlfriend thought I was a sandwich, she took a massive bite out of what was in fact my back. I wasn't sure what was happening, woke up in a panic trying to get away from this crazy lady in my bed.

    Once I woke up and my missus was attempting to eat my thumb like a chicken leg. She was holding it just like a leg and doing chewing motions like she was loving it.

    Weirdo.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,607 ✭✭✭stoneill


    I was woken one night with the missus strangling me with both hands, she had this glazed look in her eyes.
    She was wide awake.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 595 ✭✭✭ElvisChrist6


    I often talk in my sleep apparently. I wasn't fully asleep this time, but my girlfriend called me one night and I woke up to answer fully convinced she was my partner in the upcoming ping-pong tournament. I had to say " wait, I'm confused... We're not in a ping-pong tournament?" I've never played ping pong!

    Recently, I woke up and turned to her saying something about stump. "You know how some people like having sex with people with stumps?" before finally admitting "I have no idea what I'm talking about! Of course I've no memory of this, nor do I remember saying "how is this working when there are no buttons!?" while fully asleep...


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 34,788 ✭✭✭✭krudler


    There's an app you can get get called SleepTalk that you can record yourself asleep at night, people upload the funny ones and some are absolutely hilarious, heard one once of a guy snoring then a thud followed by his wife or whoever roaring "you just punched me in the fcuking tit!"


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 10,433 ✭✭✭✭Birneybau


    I was chewing a delicious sweet in a dream one night, woke up with an ear plug in me gob, one of those wax ones!


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,342 ✭✭✭fatknacker


    I once gave the missus a dig. She had been dead a few weeks and I was feeling lonely.


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,506 ✭✭✭✭castletownman


    I was having a very vivid dream one night about eating a marshmallow.

    Woke up the next morning and I appeared to have eaten my pillow


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