Discipline in Junior Infants (age 5yr 2 mth)

Rachel08

Hello
My son just started junior infants and since day two has been in many many time outs. I actually use time outs at home, but in the David Coleman sense where it´s just to calm down and then we talk about what happened. My son (I know everyone probably says this!) is really good so he gets time outs about once or twice a month over something pretty minor like a little fight with his sister. He is my first child to go to school.

I´m stunned by how negative the experience of school has been so far. My heart bleeds for him because of the things he says to me and I´m being positive and upbeat for his sake, but I have a lump in my throat writing this. I´ve discussed in detail what is happening with other parents and the overwhelming response is that it seems excessively negative for the behaviour and he seems to have been labelled a bold boy, which he himself has said to me.

I´m meeting to discuss my concerns with the teacher but from my conversations so far I would guess that we are going to disagree on this. We´ve had one meeting already where she talked at me, and I was stunned by what was said but discussed it with her and explained how out of character it was. I didn´t feel anything was achieved. I´m even considering moving class/schools but I´m not sure that wouldn´t be more disruptive to him

He´s a sensitive boy, I feel he is overwhelmed by all the changes and the sheer number of children (he explained in detail how different he finds it from Montessori but that he´s trying so hard to be a big boy) and may indeed at this stage be acting out or only hearing a ´white noise´ with the anxiety (his main reason for time outs is not listening to teacher and following instruction). He´s not sleeping well, he constantly talks about how different school is from what he had thought it would be, and I am seriously worried that his first week will either make him give up on trying or entrench the feeling that he is no good at school. He´s really smart, and it would a shame for him to develop thoughts now about himself that will stick with him for the rest of his life.

His montessori teachers are dumpstruck, keep telling me he is so eager to please and helpful and they can´t imagine him in trouble or that this is the school discipline policy. I´m completely willing to cooperate with the teacher but my gut says it´s too harsh. I wish I could tell you the imagery that accompanies this discipline because it seems so dark (I´m asking for a full explanation for it) but if I put it in the post here I´m thinking it´s so unique that the teacher would know straight away it pertains to her class if she read it!!

I would desperately love to hear of the discipline that you´ve experienced in junior infants, and would really appreciate any advice on what to say to the teacher. I think it will be in front of my son this time so I may ask for a second private meeting. So far my thoughts are to listen to what she says, ask for an explanation of the discipline procedure and then explain my concerns to her.

He´s upset about how his first week went but now tells me he had a good day but I think he´s saying because that´s what he is supposed to say as if I ask him general questions then it doesn´t sound good at all, and I don´t think I´ve ever been this upset - I´ve never had a single complaint about him before and he does what I ask of him every single time at home. I take him to shops, other people´s houses etc without issue and everyone says what a lovely polite boy he is. I´m sorry for the long post but I honestly don´t know if I´m overreacting, or if I should approach the meeting differently, or if I should pull him out asap so it isn´t harder for him to settle in somewhere else. So any information you could give me that might help is much appreciated.
Thanks
R

ShamoBuc

Starting big school is of course very stressful for the child AND the parent. He says it is very different to what he expected it to be and he is trying to be a big boy. He could be acting out. He could be expressing his fear/anxiety in a manner not normal for him. The rules he was used to might be different to his new teachers. It normally takes children a week or two get used to a new teacher and vice-versa. Give it time. If he says he had a good day - leave it at that. It does take time and generally speaking I would like to think that you won't be having the same problems by the end of the month.
The sleeping pattern should also work itself out aswell. My 2 were all over the place for the first week - not because of anything bad happening at school, but simply because of being back at school.

Obviously were it to continue for another few weeks further meetings would have to be place but it's been 1 week in big school, I would hope it will get better sooner rather than later. Hope he gets on better in the coming days and weeks.

Rachel08

Thanks so much for the reply, ShamoBuc, and I hear you, I'm telling myself that too. I think I'm just getting ten steps ahead because the teacher said it was more than the expected settling in (this was on day two), and that she would start a behaviour chart if it didn't rectify within a couple of weeks. My worry is that his peers will label him as the 'bold kid' and it will be hard to come back from this misbehaviour. I really hope it will settle down soon. I don't doubt that he could act up with the confusion, I just find it strange that he is so good as home and so different in school, I did put in a note that I thought he might be just getting used to being part of a bigger group. I never thought I'd be one of those parents who would be sooo defensive of their own child, as in even thinking about removing hi from the class!! (BTW, I don't push him when he says he has a good day though, I just ask questions about the star table and the time out chair, and it comes out at that point). I think I'd just expected his teacher to say 'he misbehaved, this is what happened, this is what I did but hey, it's a settling in period'. She hasn't told me about the time outs, it's being saved for our meeting from what I can see. I'll let you know how it goes, hopefully I'll look back on this as just a blip!

byhookorbycrook

I's a big change for any child. 30 kids, one adult and more formal. I would ask the teacher to keep count of how often he is in time out and what she/you can do to help him. I wouldn't see a behaviour chart as a negative, if it encourages him. It's early days yet so I wouldn't move at present.

Moonbeam

I have a junior infant as well,she did 2 years of Naionra and is going to school in a strange place due to not getting a local place she cried for the 1st time in school ever 3 days this week but comes out happy.
She has gone from a class of 10 to 31 but luckily she has a lovely twacher:)
It is a big step for them and us,
She got a star yesterday for not talking apparently,her thinking that has been the hardest bit for me so far.

Hannibal Smith

My eldest started school this week too and its been such a stressful week...making sure he's ok, that he's not overwhelmed, that hes managing to keep in with his old friends from creche etc.

But the one thing im beginning to realise is, that you have to detach yourself from it a bit. we don't for certain know what way our kids are seeing things and todays high emotion is long forgotten about the next day. So I wouldn't worry about other children labelling your son.

At the end of the day, what do you remember from your first week at school? Do you remember who was naughty?

There are so many kids ive seen this week having trouble adjusting. From montessori to school bis an enormous leap, but they are well capable of it. If your son is acting out, presumably the teacher will have to use some authority or else she'll have 30 others doing the sane thing?

My take on it all is....there are big changes going on in their lives at the moment. ..but the only consistent thing are the hugs and kisses he gets from you. Tell him the wonderful boy he is, be reassuring about how good school is, ask him about the positive things he enjoyed throughout the day.

Rachel08

Thank you all for taking the time to read my long post and respond! It was a big help to me. Just to give you an update, I'd noticed a difference in my son towards the end of the week as he seemed more relaxed but when I asked how he day was he'd say 'good' but then tell me he had two or three timeouts. So I hadn't wanted to dwell on the negative but the timeouts seemed to be for normal misbehaviour for his age, given in the instant without a warning. I also hadn't been told about it by the teacher. So I was thinking what he was telling me was the tip of the iceberg and since I hadn't been able to speak to the teacher I'd have to say I was feeling pretty stressed.I was just in a situation where I felt either the discipline was too strict, or I'd really missed seeing a serious behavioural issue. So depending on the outcome of the meeting I was prepared to either a) work with the teacher (preferred option!) or if I really disagreed then b) ask to switch class or if I thought my thinking was totally out of line with the ethos of the school then c) switch school (least preferred and most disruptive option).

But what a difference the meeting at the end of the week made! It was all very positive, and the feedback was positive. They weren't actually time outs, just a moment to calm down. He'd only had one timeout, which I knew about, and when the discipline was explained in context I was completely fine with it. We had a good chat but most importantly I got to see their interaction, which was very affectionate. I think that had been a huge concern for me since the teacher is (I think) in kind of a substitute parent role. So I feel much better now and any age appropriate misbehaviour can be dealt with easily by all parties involved. I do wish I been told about the wording of the discipline so I could have responded more confidently over the first weekend when he seemed to be dwelling on the negative and very upset, but overall I'd have to say I'm happy now, he's happy now, we're all happy now!! Hopefully the next week will go well for all the J1s mentioned here too!

Rachel08

And apologies, I'm not used to posting so I'm not sure why I can't see it, but I got an email with a post from morisot which actually hit the nail on the head regarding my concerns. As in, what if I had missed a huge behavioural issue? Well best for it to be recognised and treated now. But what if the discipline was too harsh and I ended up moving him, then the impact of that disruption would have consequences too and might outweigh any benefits. So thanks for your input, I found it extremely relevant.