Advertisement
If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on hello@boards.ie for help. Thanks :)
Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact hello@boards.ie
Help Keep Boards Alive. Support us by going ad free today. See here: https://subscriptions.boards.ie/

I need a Poet....

  • 04-09-2013 04:58PM
    #1
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 695 ✭✭✭


    I have a request to all the poets out there...

    We are going to a wedding this month and the bride and groom sent out invites last month - on this invite was a poem and basically the gist of it was - we want cash not presents.

    Now - I always give cash - never bought a prezzie in me life for a wedding but 2 things this time.

    1. The same couple and all their family have always given presents (even when it was requested that presents not to be given only cash). At our own wedding, as we had lived together for years had no need for presents requested this and they still proceeded to give us a clock!!

    2. We had already bought the prezzie earlier on in the year - spent €150.

    So what I would like is for someone to pen me a poem basically saying feck you, we'd already bought the present and that's all your getting.

    And also my wife is singing for them at the church, which she won't get anything for either!!!

    Thanks in advance:)


«13

Comments

  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,029 ✭✭✭salacious crumb


    Rhyming or non rhyming? :pac:


  • Moderators, Category Moderators, Music Moderators, Politics Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 22,380 CMod ✭✭✭✭Dravokivich


    If it's cash yer after,
    Yer after asking too late,
    Here's a present I got ya,
    I hope ya don't hate.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 14,380 ✭✭✭✭Banjo String


    I hear your gettin married? isn't it well for you.
    May yiz have happy times together, never blue.
    I bought yiz a present, and it's wrapped up real tight.
    In the end yiz wanted cash, too late, so go shyte!


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 695 ✭✭✭jinkybhoy


    Rhyming or non rhyming? :pac:

    Don't mind so long as it's kinda witty so as not too offend them too much:)


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 81,060 ✭✭✭✭biko


    Roses are red
    Violets are blue
    I am from Cavan so
    here's a song for you!


  • Advertisement
  • Closed Accounts Posts: 13,925 ✭✭✭✭anncoates


    Cash?

    Yore Ma's gash

    FIN.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 695 ✭✭✭jinkybhoy


    If it's cash yer after,
    Yer after asking too late,
    Here's a present I got ya,
    I hope ya don't hate.

    nice:)


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 695 ✭✭✭jinkybhoy


    SamHall wrote: »
    Location. Meath/Cavan

    :pac::pac::pac:

    Ah come on:) I've already spent 150 on prezzie and the missus is singing for free:)


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,480 ✭✭✭Chancer3001


    I saw what you wanted, a big wad of cash,
    Unfortunately I'm too poor, to ever be so flash.

    I know you'll prefer, this little treat of mine,
    Sentimental value, think of us all the time.

    And if you really hate it, and want it to go away,
    Just get on the laptop, and sell it on eBay.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 5,844 ✭✭✭Honey-ec


    Here's Yisser Pressie, You Ingrates - a haiku

    We got you a gift
    It's not the cash you wanted
    Ask me arse for that.


  • Advertisement
  • Closed Accounts Posts: 8,061 ✭✭✭keith16


    Perhaps present the poem AS the present?

    On the happiest day of your lives,
    I hope you like these knives,
    If you don't,
    Or simply won't,
    Fùck you,
    You fùcking fùck


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 695 ✭✭✭jinkybhoy


    audman wrote: »
    Here's your present and a dildo.
    If you don't like the present you can go and fcuk yourself :)

    I'm going to say a bit on the blunt side but nice effort!!!


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 695 ✭✭✭jinkybhoy


    keith16 wrote: »
    Perhaps present the poem AS the present?

    On the happiest day of your lives,
    I hope you like these knives,
    If you don't,
    Or simply won't,
    Fùck you,
    You fùcking fùck

    get's the point across alright


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,480 ✭✭✭Chancer3001


    Just use mine.

    €10


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 18,299 ✭✭✭✭The Backwards Man


    I wandered lonely as a cloud
    To your wedding I was bound
    I always gave cash, be it euros, pounds or punts,
    But not for yous, you ungrateful *****!!


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,697 ✭✭✭elefant


    Man you know we've been friends such a long long time
    And now I'm ready to lay it on the line
    Wow, you know it's your wedding and my heart is open wide
    Gonna give you something so you know what's on my mind
    A gift real special, so take off the top
    Take a look inside it's my dick in a box


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,506 ✭✭✭✭castletownman


    You're looking for money, but since I'm from Cavan
    I'm so sorry honey, this pre-bought present you'll be havin'


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,449 ✭✭✭Call Me Jimmy


    Ye just missed one OP, hear he was pretty good.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 533 ✭✭✭heretochat


    I got you a present
    Then you said you wanted cash
    Accept what you're given
    Let's go on the lash


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 6,154 ✭✭✭Dolbert


    Lots of good ones here :)

    We got your card and were so delighted
    That to your wedding we've been invited
    We know for years you've built a home
    With kettles and toasters made of chrome
    And so your wedding gives us pause
    To search for a really noble cause
    And help those less fortunate than ourselves
    To fill their stomachs and empty shelves.
    We've donated your gift to charity
    We hope you're as happy as can be!


  • Advertisement
  • Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 65 ✭✭boarsboard


    sell my gift to get your cash
    my singing wife wants your cash
    my wedding gift is not crap
    your a sap for asking for cash


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,607 ✭✭✭stoneill


    Neither cash nor coaster
    Here's a toaster


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 695 ✭✭✭jinkybhoy


    Thanks for all the quick responses - keep em coming!!!


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,824 ✭✭✭vitani


    We could have given money,
    Which you said to us to do.
    We know you just didn't want a fuss,
    So here's a lovely gift for you.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 4,041 ✭✭✭zl1whqvjs75cdy


    Didn't feel like giving you cash,
    Or writing a poem,
    **** off


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,228 ✭✭✭podgemonster


    As I look expressionless at the Clock you gave to us
    I am sure there will be minimum fuss

    For you to get a physical gift
    That you can treasure 'til your marriage drifts

    For years to come will darkness bring
    Hear the sorrow in my wife when she will sing

    Our friendship is pure, priceless yet free
    But Argos has a no returns policy

    Enjoy your day and your eternal incarceration
    I am so dead inside i went to Boards for inspiration


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 695 ✭✭✭jinkybhoy


    vitani wrote: »
    We could have given money,
    Which you said to us to do.
    We know you just didn't want a fuss,
    So here's a lovely gift for you.

    That's a good one!!


  • Posts: 26,219 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    When choosing you a present the decision was so fraught
    And in the nick of time the perfect gift was bought
    Then came your invitation, all bad-mannered, tasteless, crass -
    You didn't want my thoughtful gift, you only wanted cash

    Now I won't let this come between us
    or our friendship would be lost
    remember it's the thought that counts
    the gift,
    and not the cost.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 15,136 ✭✭✭✭retalivity


    I had read your request with surprise,
    And thought it strange how no gifts would be supplied,
    It seemed terribly rude,
    in exchange for a few drinks and some food,
    So instead I am sick that day (I lied).


  • Advertisement
  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 695 ✭✭✭jinkybhoy


    As I look expressionless at the Clock you gave to us
    I am sure there will be minimum fuss

    For you to get a physical gift
    That you can treasure 'til your marriage drifts

    For years to come will darkness bring
    Hear the sorrow in my wife when she will sing

    Our friendship is pure, priceless yet free
    But Argos has a no returns policy

    Enjoy your day and your eternal incarceration
    I am so dead inside i went to Boards for inspiration

    Brilliant!:D


Advertisement