Friend to Lover?

HappyBalance

Hi,

So I have pretty big crush on my friend. She knows about it, she takes it as a compliment but hasn't acted on it. Any advice on how to convince her I'm the right man for her - she actually has a bf at the moment too!

Thanks!

Johro

Yeah. Forget her.

wazky

If in doubt, whip it out.

biko

It's not going to end well OP. Move on.

A woman has a close male friend.
This means that he is probably interested in her, which is why he hangs around so much.
She sees him strictly as a friend. This always starts out with, you're a great guy, but I don't like you in that way.

This is roughly the equivalent for the guy of going to a job interview and the company saying, You have a great resume, you have all the qualifications we are looking for, but we're not going to hire you.
We will, however, use your resume as the basis for comparison for all other applicants.
But, we're going to hire somebody who is far less qualified and is probably an alcoholic.
And if he doesn't work out, we'll hire somebody else, but still not you.
In fact, we will never hire you. But we will call you from time to time to complain about the person that we did hire.

joe swanson

Bad form when she has a boyfriend. Not good.

pharmaton

I'll put on the kettle you get the popcorn

Chucken

Is she from Belfast?

Prodgey

Had the same craic. She'll lead you on and never actually escalate. Forget about her.

shopaholic01

Has she nice boobs?

Esoteric_

She has a boyfriend and seems to have shown no interest in you.

Leave her alone.

Clandestine

HappyBalance wrote: »

she actually has a bf at the moment too!

ABORT MISSION

keith16

Esoteric_ wrote: »

She has a boyfriend and seems to have shown no interest in you.

Leave her alone.

You could leaver her alone, or you could burn her house down.

Peregrine

Just walk away man. It's for your own good.

vicwatson

Step away from the chick, or the boyfriend will splatter you and mince you in his hand operated machine in his kitchen, and make you into burgers and eat you.

frozenfrozen

If something doesn't just work between you and a girl then forget about it and keep looking. What will happen with her in the long run is you'll be led on, hurt, have sex with her once and then not have her as a friend anymore. It's not worth it...

Esoteric_

keith16 wrote: »

You could leaver her alone, or you could burn her house down.

That is also a very good option!

Prodgey

frozenfrozen wrote: »

If something doesn't just work between you and a girl then forget about it and keep looking. What will happen with her in the long run is you'll be led on, hurt, have sex with her once and then not have her as a friend anymore. It's not worth it...

Just watch porn like this guy.

wazky

Esoteric_ wrote: »

That is also a very good option!

Murder the boyfriend, she can cry on your shoulder and hopefully you get some pu-tang.

Just clean your bloody hands first.

pharmaton

frozenfrozen wrote: »

have sex with her once and then not have her as a friend anymore.

sound

Spring Onion

Did you learn any lessons from this thread 3 months ago?

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?p=84923899

annettea

Dont get involved, why? As you said she takes it as a compliment, your there to make her feel good nothing else. You can keep trying but if anything did happen, she probably wont break up with her boyfriend for you.
Shes not the one for you but if you keep your mind on this girl, you wont find your dream girl. Best of luck.
Dont ruin someone elses happiness because you aren't happy.

Johro

vicwatson wrote: »

Step away from the chick, or the boyfriend will splatter you and mince you in his hand operated machine in his kitchen, and make you into burgers and eat you.

That's right. Coz that's what we do.

Chucken

Chucken wrote: »

Is she from Belfast?

I was being discreet

Spring Onion wrote: »

Did you learn any lessons from this thread 3 months ago?

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?p=84923899

shopaholic01

frozenfrozen wrote: »

If something doesn't just work between you and a girl then forget about it and keep looking. What will happen with her in the long run is you'll be led on, hurt, have sex with her once and then not have her as a friend anymore. It's not worth it...

You'll get over it, chin up.

anncoates

Title sounds like an 80s soul tune. The kind of one that would be sung by a fat guy in a cream suit and start off with him "ringin' you on the telephone".

Johro

Chucken wrote: »

I was being discreet

The second post there was definitely the most helpful. I think OP doesn't want to be helped. Don't ask if you don't want to hear it.

Sam Kade

Clandestine wrote: »

ABORT MISSION

He could always try back door entry, she might leave him in :eek:

Dublinstiofán

biko wrote: »

This is roughly the equivalent for the guy of going to a job interview and the company saying, You have a great resume, you have all the qualifications we are looking for, but we're not going to hire you.
We will, however, use your resume as the basis for comparison for all other applicants.
But, we're going to hire somebody who is far less qualified and is probably an alcoholic.
And if he doesn't work out, we'll hire somebody else, but still not you.
In fact, we will never hire you. But we will call you from time to time to complain about the person that we did hire.

I've been on Boards for years and i've never read anything as true as that.

pharmaton

sorted OP?

razorblunt

Friend/lover? Sounds like the op needs to strike a HappyBalance.

Wacker The Attacker

Make a filthy sex tape

You are either in, or are heading to, the dreaded Friendzone.


*Bows head solemly*
A moment for our fallen brother.

Gehad_JoyRider

Walk away, she aint worth the heart ache if some one cant reciprocate the same to you don't even bother with the disillusioned thoughts that youle change her mind because you wont im afraid.

How ever if your any way woofull with the ladys use the fact that you rinto her to pull other women I know it sounds mad but it works

_Redzer_

biko wrote: »

It's not going to end well OP. Move on.

A woman has a close male friend.
This means that he is probably interested in her, which is why he hangs around so much.
She sees him strictly as a friend. This always starts out with, you're a great guy, but I don't like you in that way.

This is roughly the equivalent for the guy of going to a job interview and the company saying, You have a great resume, you have all the qualifications we are looking for, but we're not going to hire you.
We will, however, use your resume as the basis for comparison for all other applicants.
But, we're going to hire somebody who is far less qualified and is probably an alcoholic.
And if he doesn't work out, we'll hire somebody else, but still not you.
In fact, we will never hire you. But we will call you from time to time to complain about the person that we did hire.

Hmmmmmm.. alcoholic

Gannicus

Want to impress a chick:
http://i.qkme.me/35edii.jpg

But seriously mate. She has a fella already and she takes your crush as a compliment.

The fact that she has a boyfriend means that it would be bad form for you to make a move on her. Or even reciprocate any advances she makes on you while she's in a relationship.

The fact that she takes your crush "as a compliment" seems to indicate that she is using you as an ego booster or to validate her looks and boost the possibly brittle self esteem she has, via compliments she may not be receiving from him and is getting from you and thats bad form on her part.

I reckon move on a if it were me personally (speaking from experience) I'd slowly phase her out of my life. You won't meet someone that will care for you like you seem to for this girl if you sit there pining after her when she clearly has no romantic interest in you

I am pie

You have entered and cannot leave on good terms.


Friend
Zone.

Caonima

HappyBalance wrote: »

She knows about it, she takes it as a compliment but hasn't acted on it...

And probably never will, but will leave you teetering long enough to believe something might happen.

Either (1) call it off, or (2) call her bluff.

username_x

Blast her with piss.

Mammanabammana

She's just playing hard to get OP. Don't be fooled. Right this minute she's got the biggest vibrator she could find rammed halfway up herself, with the setting on full, rattling like a wet bullock lashed to an electric fence, clawing at the walls and biting her pillow to stop from screaming your name, wishing to God you'd text her to put her out of her misery. It's the boyfriend I feel sorry for, being caught up between the two of ye when he's gonna be slung out with next week's bin. In fact, you should text her RIGHT NOW OP. She'll love that and I can see no way at all that anything could go wrong with this situation.

nbar12

Mammanabammana wrote: »

She's just playing hard to get OP. Don't be fooled. Right this minute she's got the biggest vibrator she could find rammed halfway up herself, with the setting on full, rattling like a wet bullock lashed to an electric fence, clawing at the walls and biting her pillow to stop from screaming your name, wishing to God you'd text her to put her out of her misery. It's the boyfriend I feel sorry for, being caught up between the two of ye when he's gonna be slung out with next week's bin. In fact, you should text her RIGHT NOW OP. She'll love that and I can see no way at all that anything could go wrong with this situation.

hahahahahahaha fantastic advice

Mech1

Introduce the term "fu@k buddies" and see how you go

hatrickpatrick

biko wrote: »

It's not going to end well OP. Move on.

A woman has a close male friend.
This means that he is probably interested in her, which is why he hangs around so much.
She sees him strictly as a friend. This always starts out with, you're a great guy, but I don't like you in that way.

Almost all my friends in relationships were mates first. The Friend Zone is complete bollocks in my experience.
Go for it OP, just be subtle, play it cool, and remember you have to actually seduce her - most guys who talk of a "friend zone" fall into the pitfall of assuming being friends already with a girl means you can just straight up ask her out or tell her you like her, without flirting or seducing her first - that doesn't work with girls you meet in a club and it won't work with a friend either.

Just my two cents.

Arawn

Just cause there is a goal keeper don't mean you can't score op. I once broke up a 5 year relationship a friend was in for a week of sex, twas great, then set her up with a friend. Broke up the last ex out of two relationships at different times. You just got to be better than what they have

Grayson

biko wrote: »

It's not going to end well OP. Move on.

A woman has a close male friend.
This means that he is probably interested in her, which is why he hangs around so much.
She sees him strictly as a friend. This always starts out with, you're a great guy, but I don't like you in that way.

This is roughly the equivalent for the guy of going to a job interview and the company saying, You have a great resume, you have all the qualifications we are looking for, but we're not going to hire you.
We will, however, use your resume as the basis for comparison for all other applicants.
But, we're going to hire somebody who is far less qualified and is probably an alcoholic.
And if he doesn't work out, we'll hire somebody else, but still not you.
In fact, we will never hire you. But we will call you from time to time to complain about the person that we did hire.

There was a time when i would have agreed but not anymore. Stating that a guy/girl cannot be anything but friends because he's been "Friendzoned" is not a valid reason. It assumes that all women are the exact same and are made from the exact same stock model. They can't deviate and they must all feel the same.

I'm not saying that a guy has a chance with every single female friend. many will have reasons besides friendship for not wanting a relationship with a guy. He might smell bad, be rude, etc.. There are any number of reasons but it doesn't have to be friendship that is the cause.

The fact is though that if a guy/girl are close friends there is a far greater basis for a relationship.

I read this last night. It's about two friends who decided to give it a go. It's not proof of anything, but it is an interesting read.
http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2013/sep/03/40-days-of-dating-date-a-friend

OnTheCouch

Yeah OP, I mean you might have what say a 10 percent chance of getting anywhere with her...which is largely dependent on her being the type to cheat when in a relationship. This would then mean that she's either a scumbag and not the type of girl I would like to go out with (likely) or that you and her are meant to be together, soulmates, destiny led you down this path (considerably less likely).

The chances are fairly minimal from what I can make out and you're probably going to be pissing into the wind and wasting considerable mental anguish in trying to get anywhere here.

I'm going to be slightly presumptuous at this point (so apologies if this is inaccurate) but it sounds like you aren't meeting enough women on a regular basis, so you're putting all your energies into this person who is essentially off the shelf.

As others have suggested, it sounds like she just likes the flattery from you and having another man at her beck and call to discuss whatever she pleases. Now if you also want a platonic friend with whom you can talk about your daily life and so on, then fine, you would both benefit from the current situation, but you have said this is not your case and you would like more.

There are plenty of single available women out there who would like to get into a relationship so why waste your time with someone who isn't and in addition sounds like a bit of a low self-esteem chancer? Yes, as other posters have mentioned, it may be possible to persuade her to leave her current boyfriend, but I'd recommend avoiding the hassle for a simpler life all round.

bnt

Omackeral wrote: »

You are either in, or are heading to, the dreaded Friendzone.


*Bows head solemly*
A moment for our fallen brother.

Yup - you are in the FriendZone™ for good. Has she got a sister?

Joe10000

The quickest way to get her is to start seeing someone else, that gives you options. Try not to obsess about her and give it some time. Stop being the one always making the contact.

gramar

Spring Onion wrote: »

Did you learn any lessons from this thread 3 months ago?

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?p=84923899

Why do you keep getting involved with women who are already in relationships? You must love tormenting yourself.

BunShopVoyeur.

Just remember.


You can't rape.

Specialun

The only way you will find out is by stalking her.Dont let her take a dump without you seeing it

Park across from her house and sit there all day stroking a cat...If she at any stage moves her left hand then thats a sign shes interested..everybody knows that

Once she does this revert back to me for stage 2...just please know where you can get a knick,ducktape,shovel and a good cigar

Legs.Eleven

In my humble opinion, women either fancy you or they don't. You can't convince a woman to like you. I think men differ on that front.