work and ex

LegacyUser

Hi there,

I love this forum and am posting without my username this time!

I started working in a place few yrs ago. Met a guy there, a colleague, started seeing each other, I fell in love with him v v fast, I was shocked at how mad I was about, I was v young and it was my first time in love.

It disintegrated v quickly due to him saying he hadnt the time for a relationship etc. I was gutted. We're talking v upset for waaaay longer than I should have really. I'd be one of those who kinda think that if someone wants you, they'll make the time. Even a small bit, anything to keep you! So it was v hard.

I've loved since, but am single ATM, just if that impacts your responses. I see him around the office a lot, we have occasional friendly short chats, I do this to appear normal and look professional... We are there to work and I don't want to appear unprofessional.

I've always held such a soft spot for him if I'm being honest. V few people know this in my life that there'd still be feelings there on my part, I try to quash them and look ahead than back. I do love him still unfortunately despite desperately trying not to. Sometimes I just try to say to myself *look it's OK, you love him, but he doesn't feel the same... You won't always feel like this*.

Just been getting a bit panicky lately, I have to sit beside him work now unfortunately and heard him say he's seeing someone new. I know he meets/dates girls but nothing really comes off it as he is as he's a workaholic tbh. I hear this from others but don't look for info about him or anything, it's still something I don't want to know about!

This talk of his lately struck a chord with me lately though. He talking so brazenly about some girl with me clearly in earshot. He probably doesn't realise how much it stings me. But it keeps popping into my mind and I swear, I go hot and shaky,teary, and it's like a frisson of panic runs through me and I have to take several deep breaths to calm down. I know it sounds dramatic but I'm in shock myself at the physical reaction I'm having. I am so embarrassed I'm feeling like this after several yes and other boyfriends plus good single time too of being on my own. I feel I can't tell my lovely friends.... God, she's still hung up on him etc...

I see him so often, I've done all the proper breakup things you're meant to do.... Why do I feel so rotten? I'm trying to think logically about it, get my mind to overrule my heart for the past few yrs, I feel worn out a little sometimes from it.

Idle Passerby

Sorry to hear how your feeling OP. Its hard to still have feelings for an ex, especially so if you still have to be around them regularly. Your post makes it sounds like it has been years since the two of you broke up and that you wernt together for very long. Sorry if I've picked it up wrong.

You also say you have been in love since the two of you split. This doesn't really make sense to me. If you still have such strong feelings for him that you physically shake when you hear him talking about another girl it sounds like you never got over him and the feelings are still very fresh. I don't really see how you could have 'loved' someone else if you still had such strong feelings for him.

Thats perhaps beside the point though. Your feelings for this guy are interfering with your work life so all I can say is try to distract yourself, develop some other interests to focus attention on and remind yourself he wasn't that interested in you. Why maintain feelings for someone who doesn't have those feelings for you in return?

Big Bag of Chips

Do you fall in love easily? If it's been years since you were with him. And you've been in relationships, and in love, since, then I agree that it would seem strange that you are still obsessed by this lad.

But maybe that's what it is... Obsession.

Were you in love with him, while you were in your other relationship? If not then it means that when you are distracted by something else, it doesn't allow you the time to be obsessing over him.

I think at this stage he has become an obsession. It is very difficult for you to avoid him, to give yourself time to forget him because you work so closely together.

You will get over him, in time. But it seems you need something else to fill your time, to keep him off your mind.