I love him/her, but I'm not in love with him/her.

Tom M

Would I right be in presuming that if you say this that you basically don't fancy your OH but still love them? It's
the only explanation that makes sense to me.

Ten of Swords

It means "in a relationship but willing to cheat"

weisses

Could easily happen after 20 years of marriage and raising 3 kids for example

If you feel like this in the "early" stages ............ Move on

caustic 1

It means you love them with all your heart ..but there is not that passion, that wanting to be with them morning noon and night thing going on...in other words you don't fancy them.

Wibbs

Sex basically. "I love you as a friend" = I don't wanna shag you. "I love you but I'm not in love with you" = I don't wanna shag you anymore.

Grayson

Wibbs wrote: »

Sex basically. "I love you as a friend" = I don't wanna shag you. "I love you but I'm not in love with you" = I don't wanna shag you anymore.

I wonder how many people would think it's acceptable to play away from home if you reach that stage in a relationship. two people who care deeply about each other, have some sort of common commitment (like a family), but don't fancy each other.

I think at that stage it's kinda ok to have a discrete affair. It'd be best to have a conversation and just say that any outside dalliance never interferes with the marriage.

MOC88

Tom M wrote: »

Would I right be in presuming that if you say this that you basically don't fancy your OH but still love them? It's
the only explanation that makes sense to me.

Nope you could still be attracted but the relationship is draining and you just don't have the energy for it.

MOC88

Grayson wrote: »

I wonder how many people would think it's acceptable to play away from home if you reach that stage in a relationship. two people who care deeply about each other, have some sort of common commitment (like a family), but don't fancy each other.

I think at that stage it's kinda ok to have a discrete affair. It'd be best to have a conversation and just say that any outside dalliance never interferes with the marriage.

Well thats one way of justifying it in your own head. An "outside dalliance" would of course interfere whether directly or not. If youve an open relationship then thats different you both want the same thing but it sounds like you mean something else

Heckler

Tom M wrote: »

Would I right be in presuming that if you say this that you basically don't fancy your OH but still love them? It's
the only explanation that makes sense to me.

Got that **** from my wife last christmas. Separated 8 months now.

Ken.

Welcome to the friend zone. Population you.

HondaSami

It means you want the safety of a marriage but fun with someone else.

Wacker The Attacker

Its a woman admitting that she doesnt know whant she wants but trying to make it sound profound or meaningful.

UCDVet

Maybe I'm just old, or maybe AH is cynical and bitter....

If you take the time to date decent people, your relationship isn't going to last two weeks and end when they do something horrible that you can use to end it. You won't be able to tell your friends, 'OMG - LISTEN TO WHAT SHE DID!'

Presuming you are dating someone who isn't going to do something obviously wrong, and presuming you are someone who isn't going to do something obviously wrong....this is how relationships end.

Nobody is obviously at fault.
Nobody is a bad person.

But at least one person isn't happy with relationship. They want something different, but they are mature enough to not misplace the blame. They don't blame their partner, they don't want them to suffer or to be unhappy. They wish them well, and want them to find happiness with someone else.

I can't tell you how many childish friends I have who go on and on about how great their partner is, UNTIL THE SECOND AFTER THEY BREAK UP. Then they HATE them. They can't reconcile the idea that someone could be decent enough *and* that they could end up not married forever. I've even seen people act like passive-aggressive children *waiting* and *hoping* that their partner will do something that would (in their mind) justify breaking up.

And then after the break up, they spend weeks, months or years obsessing over what the other one is doing. I have family members who have been divorced for six years and STILL CONSTANTLY fight with their ex. The ex is still the most important person in their life.

What a mess.

Everyone is unique, and everyone changes. If my wife decides she doesn't want to be with me, I hope it'll be because she's decided I'm not quite what she wants, but that she still cares. Sure, I'll be sad, but better that than finding out she's been banging ever dude in town behind my back and that she hates me and wants every cent I've got.

martic

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=leCzeY4lkUI