Mother and Jobs.

LegacyUser

If anybody has any advice on what I should do, please help.

I'm 21 and going into my final year of college soon. I'm living at home(during the summer) and of course the big problem is I cannot get a job. I've been trying and trying but according to my mother it's not enough and I've just been sitting on my ass all summer being a leeching money off them. It's gotten to a stage where I am starting to severely hate my mother.

My parents pay for college and I appreciate that, but trying to get a part time job has not been easy at all. I've little to no experience and when I do try charity shops or anything else, they just say sorry, we don't need people. I'm running around in circles and my mother just keeps on getting more vicious and it's just hitting the stage where I cannot cope anymore.

She keeps saying ''Oh everyone I know who has kids in college, their kids have jobs! Why the f*ck don't you have one?!''. Because mother, the country is in a recession and work isn't easy to come across with no experience. But of course, she knows it all and says well jobs must exist because everyone has one! I am literally feeling like hell because my parents have to support me. I am not proud of it at all but my mother seems to think I lounge in it.

Before anybody asks, yes I have gone around and handed in CV's and I've regularly gotten a ''Sorry, we aren't hiring'' approach. I don't have any friend connections who will get me work and using the typical ''Oh, my parents/family know someone who will hire me'' approach won't work here, as I know it works for many many others out there. I'm just at my wits end with my mother and I snapped at her earlier for her yelling at me. She's made a threat of cutting me off and not letting me go back next year and kicking me out. Which she may well do.

I told her next year that I wanted to go to Dubai and do a teaching programme, decent enough pay and it's a job. Her attitude? No, Dubai will implode, you can't go. I have no money so this programme would be of huge benefit to me as they pay for flights etc. I then suggested the UK. She said no, it's on terror watch. America? No, I've no experience and they won't hire ''a pathetic Arts graduate who thinks she'll succeed but actually won't''.

If somebody can please give me any advice on how to deal with a toxic mother and how to try get any work, any help would be appreciated. I'm at my wits end here.

Thanks

December2012

Have you registered with any employment agencies? Volunteering for free in companies that you are interested in?

I think the days of solely "handing out Cvs" don't cut it any more when it comes to job hunting.

Are you networking, are you reading your industry periodicals, what are you doing to look for work?

Is there a careers advice facility in your college?

I think you could be more proactive in your search for employment.

Apply to shops now for Christmas.

LegacyUser

December2012 wrote: »

Have you registered with any employment agencies? Volunteering for free in companies that you are interested in?

I think the days of solely "handing out Cvs" don't cut it any more when it comes to job hunting.

Are you networking, are you reading your industry periodicals, what are you doing to look for work?

Is there a careers advice facility in your college?

I think you could be more proactive in your search for employment.

Apply to shops now for Christmas.

Yes, registered with many and was called in for many interviews. Never was replied to and I rang them a few times and once again, they never got back to me.

My 'industry' is an Arts degree. I study Sociology in college, so not many opportunities for work in this field.

Yes, my college does have a careers office, they did not help me at all. Said they were unsure of what I should do actually.

I am applying for Christmas work, once again, lack of relevant experience is not helping my applications.

ivytwine

Agree with all December 2012 said. I'm finding it ridiculously hard to find work and I have experience! So god love you without it.

Check out #jobfairy on Twitter, I find it fantastic.

However, look as regards your mother. It's the end of the summer and you won't find anything summer wise now so tell her to get off your back. Try not to shout and lose your temper. I can imagine how hard that is but she's being highly illogical and she needs calm, considered replies.

Re the Dubai thing. Have you done TEFL? It can be expensive enough but it's well worth doing. I presume she's thinking of the Syria situation but Dubai is not like that. Why don't you print off the Department of Foreign Affairs travel advisory and show it to her? The stuff about the UK is quite frankly ridiculous.

She'd want a fine dose of cop on for herself. She's belittling you and it's not on. Yes she's paying for your education and that has its own stresses but there is no point in speaking to you like that and you shouldn't tolerate it. Jesus I can tell you the stories of people I know with masters and h-dips (and not just in arts subjects), with bar, restaurant, retail, hotel, building etc experience. Where are they? Three places. Dole. Internships. Abroad. Things are very tough.

Go easy on yourself OP. Yes, you could stand to be a bit more proactive but I don't think you deserve what you're getting at home. I think you should put all your energy into trying to become independent because your family relationship seems very unhealthy at the moment.

MissFlitworth

I know some folk with college aged kids who are finding it much, much more expensive to support their, now adult, children through college than they thought it would be. Fees are higher, it's harder to get a grant and there aren't part time jobs out there for students like there used to be so everything lands on the parent. It's an unbelievably large sum of money to have to come up with on a yearly & weekly basis & the stress is unreal for them. This may not be the case with your Mother, and it doesn't excuse her behaviour, but she might just be under a hell of an amount of stress supporting you. It isn't easy & personally, I would bare that in mind when I was considering how to deal with her.

She can't actually stop you going anywhere when you finish college, you're an adult so you just have to be determined and do what's right for you.

gubby

ok speaking as a mom who has grown up children still living at home. Its not so bad now as they are both working.. one part time. You need to do two things. TALK to her!! sit down and tell her how you feel, what she says to you, how that makes you feel. Be understanding on how hard it is for her.. ask her about this.. she may well be at her wits end financially. Allow her be part of your process.. ask advice (you may get stupid advice, but it will make her feel she has some input)
And Please dont sit around all day. Do stuff around the house,, paint a room, make dinner.. just do stuff.
When I have the house to myself I can work like a demon, cleaning etc. But if there is someone around, eating, watching tv etc it gets very hard to work when someone else is not.
This may not be well put and I am sorry your mom is bugging you. She really should not. I'm guessing all her friends kids are working and asking her "and what is your girl doing? has she got a job yet!!! " That may be what is bugging her too. You really need to get her on your side and talk to her... oh and tell her how much you love her and appreciate all she/they have do for you. btw what does your dad say/do about this?

ABajaninCork

Mother and jobs. GAH! wrote: »

I told her next year that I wanted to go to Dubai and do a teaching programme, decent enough pay and it's a job. Her attitude? No, Dubai will implode, you can't go. I have no money so this programme would be of huge benefit to me as they pay for flights etc. I then suggested the UK. She said no, it's on terror watch. America? No, I've no experience and they won't hire ''a pathetic Arts graduate who thinks she'll succeed but actually won't''.

Eh?? You been trying to get work here, and so far cannot. You've put forward perfectly workable alternatives, all of which have been shot down. Dubai is perfectly safe as long as you respect local laws. The UK on terror watch? What is she smoking? - does she not realise that there is a LARGE expat community of Irish over there for WORK!! Which they cannot get here. America? Another place with a large Irish community. You should be able to get a J1 visa and go over for a year.

So there you have it. Hobson's Choice. What does she WANT you to do? Has she given you any alternative ideas? From your post, she's good at the put-downs, but short on ideas...

As for the snipe about you being ''a pathetic Arts graduate who thinks she'll succeed but actually won't''. That's beyond nasty and it's uncalled for. For that alone, I'd be having a quiet word in her ear.

I take it you're over the age of 18? If you are, then it's time for you to step up to the plate and behave like an adult. YOU take control and decide what you want. If you want to go the UK/US/Dubai/OZ - DO IT!!! You don't need permission from your parents.