Thursday 'Uns

MonkieSocks

A guy walks into a pharmacy and asks for Viagra.

The cashier says "I need medical proof that you need it".

The guy says "will a photo of my wife do"
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Joe is sitting on a train across from a busty blonde wearing a tiny mini skirt.

Despite his efforts, he is unable to stop staring at the top of her thighs.

To his delight, he realises she has gone without underwear.

The blonde realises he is staring and inquires,

"Are you looking at my pussy?"

"Yes, I'm sorry," says Joe and promises to avert his eyes.

"It's quite alright," replies the woman,

"It's very talented, watch this, I’ll make it blow a kiss to you."

Sure enough the pussy blows him a kiss.

Joe, who is completely absorbed, inquires what else the wonder pussy can do.

"I can also make it wink," says the woman.

Joe stares in amazement as the pussy winks at him.

"Come and sit next to me," suggests the woman, patting the seat.

Joe moves over and is asked, "Would you like to stick a couple of fingers in?"

Stunned, Joe replies, "Good grief! Can it whistle, too?"

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I went to one of those Swiss suicide clinics; do you know what the barstewards have given me for breakfast this morning? . . . . . . . . . . .

Fookin Cheerio’s
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I went to the restroom after lunch.

An associate was there at the sink.

I washed my hands then went over to the urinal.

He said, "You wash your hands before you piss?"

I said, "I just had KFC, I don't want my wife to tell me I taste like chicken."
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John was talking to Alan.

"So, Alan, how's it going with the ladies?"

"Women, to me, are nothing but sex objects."

"Really??"

"Yep, whenever I mention sex, they object."
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Two guys were at a circus fair and were trying some of the rides when they came to the bungee jump.

One says to the other, "How about it?"

The other replies, "No way!

I came in to this world cuz of a broken rubber and I'm not leaving it the same way!"
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Marriage is like a deck of cards.

In the beginning all you need is two hearts and a diamond.

By the end, you'll wish you had a club and a spade!

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The missus has just come into the living room wearing a little PVC number, fishnets and high heels.

She handed me a cold beer and told me to sit down, relax, and when she comes back she'll give me 'what she does best'.

I can’t wait;





I just love shepherd’s pie.