Bitchy Boss or am I over sensitive??advice please :)

skerka91

Hey,so ive never posted on anything like this before but just thought it would be a good idea to get some advice on a situation I'm having at the moment.

I started working in a new coffee shop in my local town roughly three weeks ago. I'm not new to this and believe that myself to be a quite competent and friendly waitress(I often get personally tipped from customers).I had previously worked for three years in a very busy and well known coffee shop,until I decided to take time out during my LC.I had great re pore with the customers and got along great with the boss and staff and never had any major complaints ,,all in all a pretty positive experience.

However since I have started working in my new job I seem to do nothing right, my female boss is constantly correcting me over the smallest of things,,even telling me what I'm exactly supposed to say to the customers,she has raised her voice to me in front of other staff and customers! Also I suffer from GAD and work has helped me get over that but with her it seems to be creeping back up ,she raised her voice to me today while i had a hot teapot in my hand,i nearly got the fright of my life, my hands started to shake etc

Today was the last straw,I know my standard of work! I don't think I would have worked with a boss who had experience in a Michelin star restaurant with years of experience if I was such a "useless" waitress which is what she said quite clear and loud to another co worker today.(very silly of her since it is a v small coffee shop and you can hear everything that goes on behind the counter)also first day I worked there some other staff member including the boss mentioned something about a baby crying very loudly and the annoyance of it,I was serving that table and afterwards the grandmother came up to me and apologized about it and handed me a five euro tip saying" I wanted to make sure you received this yourself" ya if she had any sense she would never have discussed such a thing in the building let alone on the floor!!yet I'm the one who cant seem to do my job ??. I feel she is targeting me,she is jolly and friendly to all the other staff ,and engages with them,,one minute she is civil with me and the next she calls me useless or or gives out to me and not the rest.
Another co worker mad a minor mistake on the till while i was helping her with a table,she put the order and left out someones drinks even though i asked her what she needed to bring down she forgot to put it in the till.Afterwards my boss pulled me aside (before she joked with said co worker over the small mistake) "it's okay for so and so to make a mistake but i need you to be sharp and pay attention,, ?? eh sorry but I didn't make the mistake simple as,, it was rush hour i was helping out but im not a mind reader , i didn't even now she had mad said mistake ...but i was told to be responsible for it..

anyway rant over ,but also noticed my name isn't on this weeks shift and some new guy who came in after me is getting all the hours,,am I getting the boot,,should I bring up the issue as i feel I'm being targeted..or am i over sensitive..any advice would be greatly appreciated hope this make sense

padma

It sounds like a form of bullying. All that and them taking u off shift is pushing you out the door. You have to look deep within and work out if you are going to leave the place or fight for shifts.

If you decide to leave, leave a turd on the doorstep every morning for a week.

If you decide to push for more shifts you need to sit down with this wagon and have a one to one with her and let her know how much you want to work there. If you don't get a positive response leave a turd on her doorstep every day for a week.

Mrs OBumble

Personality clash, I'd say. Or she feels threatened by you.

It's a coffee shop. There are plenty of others where she doesnt' work. Find a job in one of them.

Life's too short to put up with crap in a student job.

skerka91

Thanks Mrs O Bumble,:)

I think it may be a personality clash too even though she hardly knows me and I get on with everyone else, as for threatened I dont know how, I'm a student , not a lot to be threatened by :P, she has just opened her own biz so I've put alot of it down to nerves etc, but i have feeling too and I was always told not to take them out on other people. I'm more than willing to take constructive criticism but I don't find anything she is doing constructive. having a talk tomorrow about hours, so will see how it goes

skerka91

sorry "I have feelings too " sound like such a moaner

XxMCRxBabyxX

This sounds identical to a situation I was in at the end of last year. I left. I saw no point in putting myself through that for abuse when I knew that it wasn't deserved and that I was much better than what they were saying. I would advise that you do the same thing, for your own sake. My only warning would be to make sure that you get every cent that you are owed. It took another six months for me to get what I knew I was owed and even then I was underpaid but had given up at that stage.

Good luck! Feel free to PM if you would like to rant or get more advice.

skerka91

Hahaha great advice, leaving a turd on her door seems less challenging then talking to her :P I dont think she realizes even what she is doing herself, I genuinely think she is a nice person outside of work but for some reason I seem to be getting the brunt of her frustrations, also it is co owned by her brother and he was the one who hired me, so maybe it wasn't a joint decision and she didn't necessarily take a shine to me, having a chat with her tomorrow but think I'm getting the boot, if that happens **** it be grand

cml387

skerka91 wrote: »

Hahaha great advice, leaving a turd on her door seems less challenging then talking to her :P I dont think she realizes even what she is doing herself, I genuinely think she is a nice person outside of work but for some reason I seem to be getting the brunt of her frustrations, also it is co owned by her brother and he was the one who hired me, so maybe it wasn't a joint decision and she didn't necessarily take a shine to me, having a chat with her tomorrow but think I'm getting the boot, if that happens **** it be grand

You have summed it up perfectly.The problem is her, not you. Time to move on, at any age it's not worth getting grief 8 hours a day. (forget the turd advice though;))

skerka91

Cheers much appreciated having a "talk" with her tomorrow,, I'm not one to get upset at work but today hit a nerve, I know if i don't stand up for myself regardless of the job or not it wont help my self esteem, if she wants me to leave that's okay but Im not going to give them the satisfaction of pushing me out by leaving.

jessiblah

There's a law which states that you can seek compensation or get your job back or something if an employer makes it unbearable for you to work with them that you have to leave. I can't remember the name of it though. It might be worth googling.

joepkelly1978

coffee shop in rathmines by any chance?:cool:

LegacyUser

Have a chat with your co workers and ask them how your getting on. See if they have noticed how she is treating you. Do this when you bring them out for a drink.
They maybe able to tell you some information about her which is useful to know.
Does she just manage the place - if so find out who owns it and where they live.
Send the owner a letter and just tell them that as a customer you have noticed the following. Say in the letter that as a customer that you hate to hear a manager giving out to staff in front of customers. Tell them also that you have noticed the place is not as clean is it could be and that some of the staff are very poor.
A letter like this could cause some trouble for her.

Also get some people you know to come into the shop who are older than your boss.
If your boss makes any smart comment they can stick up for you and put your boss in her place. Act like you don't know them when they come in and let them know what your boss like before they come into the place.

If your boss makes another smart comment say loudly to her Did you ring the man back from Rentokill (or the local company in the area who do this type of work) who called you - Make sure a few customers can hear this.
If she tells you off for doing this just say well know you how I feel now when you keep telling me off. She needs to know your are not going to put up with her treating you like this.

If your boss keeps bossing you can do the following.
Have a good look around the place and take away a few invoices - on your day off ring as many suppliers as possible and place a few fake orders. She will spend the day answering calls re this or trying to get them to take back an over supply of stuff not wanted.
Then ring the local Environmental health office as a customer and say that you noticed the place was not to clean and that you think you got food poising after eating there.
They will come in and want to see every thing, see all paper work ect which will keep her busy.

If you decide to leave here and get another job give revenue a ring and tell them this crowd are paying staff cash in hand. They will get a revenue audit for something like this.
If a company gets a revenue audit they have to account for every euro going in and out of a business. Also revenue will watch for all payments being made on time to them and legally they can ask to see the books at any time once they do this.

jessiblah

skerka91 wrote: »

You see the thing is she said she wants to train me up ?? i.e make food etc..yet she is paying me less than minimum wage(i guess if I learn to make a few sandwiches i'll have earned my way to minimum wage whoop de do) and I've only just started ,well about three or so weeks ago and I heard that within the first three months of work you can be let go regardless,I'm quite badly informed about these things so could be worth my while to do some research,:)

You should contact someone about this. I'm not sure if Citizens Advice would be any help, but they might even be able to point you in the right direction.

skerka91

XxMCRxBabyxX wrote: »

This sounds identical to a situation I was in at the end of last year. I left. I saw no point in putting myself through that for abuse when I knew that it wasn't deserved and that I was much better than what they were saying. I would advise that you do the same thing, for your own sake. My only warning would be to make sure that you get every cent that you are owed. It took another six months for me to get what I knew I was owed and even then I was underpaid but had given up at that stage.

Good luck! Feel free to PM if you would like to rant or get more advice.

sorry to hear u had such a hard time yourself,, ya not getting full pay either, even though I was getting above min wage when I was 17 in my last workplace!!
thanks for advice and support, It really helps Full of confidence for tomorrow knowing that I havnt actually done anything wrong and it's not just in my head . Will let ye know how it goes tomorrow

Eoin

jessiblah wrote: »

There's a law which states that you can seek compensation or get your job back or something if an employer makes it unbearable for you to work with them that you have to leave. I can't remember the name of it though. It might be worth googling.

You're thinking of constructive dismissal; but it's for serious issues with an employer. The employee must prove they had absolutely no choice but to resign.

pmrozik

Sorry to hear about your situation, but you are the only one who can change it. To me, it sounds like your boss has a chip on her shoulder. It may have something to do with what you did, or perhaps you two are not a match. Either way you have two choices:

1. Leave
2. Abide by the rules, admit your mistakes if you have made them and look at it as a chance to improve yourself. On top of that talk to her and ask her what you could do to improve (I am dead serious). I am not saying that her behavior is acceptable because it's not, but this might be a good way for you to try to solve a conflict. If you are successful, all the better. If not, all is not lost - there are other jobs out there.

Due to the way she's been treating you, you feel resentful and she knows it and sees it, but like a lot of people sees nothing wrong with her own behavior. Take things further, help out. Help HER out. Of course you need to respect yourself, so as I said, give it a month tops. Then leave.

Oh, and let us know how things went. ;-) Best of luck.

hfallada

OP if I were you, I would try and get a job elsewhere if you could. You are far too experienced for the cafe and I imagine your boss feels inferior and by treating you like ****, makes her feel like she has the upper hand.

I just started work in the shop last week with another girl and although we haven't majorly ****ed up. I almost made a €16 mistake on the till yesterday and all the manager said was make sure the items scan. I think your manager most have some issues and I would just get out of their. You could end up making nothing if you continue to get hardly any hours

Ken.

Why not ring the guy that hired you and tell him what's going on?. See if he can have a word with his sister.

skerka91

So I talked to my boss yesterday and everything went Okay , I think..regardless of what happens I'm glad I talked to her and dealt with the issue.

Firstly I asked her what was the situation with my hours, she said that it was her that had messed up the shifts that week, but that everything will be back to normal next week. I then decided to ask her if she ha a problem with my work,i.e is there something I do or don't do ?? she said oh "its nothing that cant be fixed" she said that she want s me to to "ponce" on the customers the minute they walk into the coffee shop, i.e to greet them tell them what the specials are an tell them to take a seat etc.
I don't mind doing this at all, and if I wasn't doing it then I don't mind that she corrects me,however I did say that I took what she said the last day quite personally.She said oh I know I snapped at you , don't take it personally though I can be like that some times. I still don't know what to make of the situation, I have never witnessed her snap at the others before but maybe she does and i'm being over sensitive. She dosnt realize however that the customers can hear this and that sometimes "poncing" on a customer can put them off. Form my experience in my last work place(which had just opened too when I started) or boss wanted us to do this too ,and then decided against it and just told us to let the customers settle for a a minute or so and then approach. Plus where I work now all the menus are on chalk boards above the counter so when the customer comes in their basically standing right in front of us anyway. I guess maybe I'm not as nervous as she is as I've seen how coffee shops work when they first open .plus her family own a fast food restaurant in town and I think maybe perhaps she doesn't realize that it's supposed to be a relaxing experience in a coffee shop and I know how I don't like to be jumped on the minute i walk into a clothing store shop etc. But I guess I will just have to do what she says if I want to get on with her,she quite friendly outside of these situations but when she feels stressed or sick she cant seem to hide it very well.
I guess I better just co- operate with her the best I can and do whatever she asks. it's clear to me now that she is really stressed about her new venture. I'll learn to be more alert with approaching the customer(even though I do feel it's a bit much).

skerka91

Also Thanks guys for all the advice,it really helped never used Boards before but will from now on

Phantasos

Good luck with it. You obviously got good experience in your last workplace and you've got a mature approach to the whole matter. Hopefully once the initial new-shop nerves subside you two will get on better.

Mrs OBumble

Good stuff.

Breaking in a new manager who doesn't really understand the industry they're now in is always fun :-)

Think of this as a career-enhancing opportunity, where you get to develop skills in "influencing without authority" ... ie teaching her how cafe's work differently from fast-food.

Even if you eventually get a job in something totally different, the ideas of "managing your manager" will stand you in good stead.

Scrag

Leave and take her to the labour court and claim unfair dismissal due to bullying and harassment even if you walkout. You will have to keep a dairy of times and dates and details. go for it girl

Eoin

Scrag wrote: »

Leave and take her to the labour court and claim unfair dismissal due to bullying and harassment even if you walkout. You will have to keep a dairy of times and dates and details. go for it girl

Please do not give legal advice like that here, especially when it's so misinformed

runawaybishop

Scrag wrote: »

Leave and take her to the labour court and claim unfair dismissal due to bullying and harassment even if you walkout. You will have to keep a dairy of times and dates and details. go for it girl

That's not how it works and that's not what it is called. Constructive dismissal is a serious issue and the employee would need a lot of detail with regards to the issues and the steps they took to resolve it using the correct policies.

You don't just flounce out the door and then get your payout in court.

LegacyUser

working person wrote: »

Have a chat with your co workers and ask them how your getting on. See if they have noticed how she is treating you. Do this when you bring them out for a drink.
They maybe able to tell you some information about her which is useful to know.
Does she just manage the place - if so find out who owns it and where they live.
Send the owner a letter and just tell them that as a customer you have noticed the following. Say in the letter that as a customer that you hate to hear a manager giving out to staff in front of customers. Tell them also that you have noticed the place is not as clean is it could be and that some of the staff are very poor.
A letter like this could cause some trouble for her.

Also get some people you know to come into the shop who are older than your boss.
If your boss makes any smart comment they can stick up for you and put your boss in her place. Act like you don't know them when they come in and let them know what your boss like before they come into the place.

If your boss makes another smart comment say loudly to her Did you ring the man back from Rentokill (or the local company in the area who do this type of work) who called you - Make sure a few customers can hear this.
If she tells you off for doing this just say well know you how I feel now when you keep telling me off. She needs to know your are not going to put up with her treating you like this.

If your boss keeps bossing you can do the following.
Have a good look around the place and take away a few invoices - on your day off ring as many suppliers as possible and place a few fake orders. She will spend the day answering calls re this or trying to get them to take back an over supply of stuff not wanted.
Then ring the local Environmental health office as a customer and say that you noticed the place was not to clean and that you think you got food poising after eating there.
They will come in and want to see every thing, see all paper work ect which will keep her busy.

If you decide to leave here and get another job give revenue a ring and tell them this crowd are paying staff cash in hand. They will get a revenue audit for something like this.
If a company gets a revenue audit they have to account for every euro going in and out of a business. Also revenue will watch for all payments being made on time to them and legally they can ask to see the books at any time once they do this.

This is like a training manual for a passive aggressive guerrilla army.

Eoin

Bill James Jones wrote: »

This is like a training manual for a passive aggressive guerrilla army.

yep, childish stuff

cml387

If there's one thing that puts me off it's being ambushed by staff the minute you come in the door. And that's when you may or may not buy something.

I would have thought that in a coffee shop, if you're in you intend to buy coffee.

I think your boss is very insecure in her job, and being under pressure makes her snap.

maybe you can start suggesting things to improve the shop, but make out like it's her idea to start with.