Is this scabby of me??

LegacyUser

I live with a good friend, we've been friends for years. When we moved in together, I set the UPC up in my name, and he set the ESB up in his name. We've been living together for about 18 months. The UPC is €66 a month, and the ESB is paid bi-monthly and is usually around €120. On the months the ESB is due, we split the bill in half, I deduct €33 (half the UPC) and transfer the exact amount I owe to his account. On the other months, my housemate pays me for his share of the UPC. The first few times he paid me, he gave it to me in cash. The first one or two times he gave me €33, and then the third time he gave me €30 as he didn't have the €3 in change. Ever since then he has transferred the amount to my bank account, however he always just transfers €30.

€3 a month doesn't seem like a lot to be losing out on, but I am paying 20% more than him every two months and it doesn't seem fair. We're good friends and he is a very laid back person, but it does bother me a bit. I'm not sure if I'm being silly though... Should I say "I'm not sure if you realise, but the UPC is actually €66 a month, not €60!" (maybe he did actually forget...). Or should I just leave it and say nothing??

tinkerbell

No you should say it, €3 a month over the year adds up. It's not scabby at all - the bill is what it is.

dudara

He probably hasn't realised - he might just be copying the previous month's transfer. Just mention it to him.

December2012

Leave it and say nothing. Do you guys have a running account for petty things, like , milk, tea bags, etc?€

yerwanthere123

That would annoy me too. Say it to him.

Chara1001

Yeh it'd get on my nerves after a while too, you should say something in passing

The_Conductor

Its 3 quid- less than the price of a drink. You are buddies. Its not a massive thing. Let it slide- its not going to bankrupt you- making an issue of it will however seem petty and small minded- which won't help your friendship any.

zl1whqvjs75cdy

Pay him that much less for the ESB.

The_Conductor

Whats this- tit for tat? An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth?
Life is too damn short for this crap.

Final Approach

If It were me I'd have to say it, but would say it in a casual way.

iusedtoknow

Is your flatmate an easy going guy more than happy to pay his way? If he is, then yeah I would say it to him - odds are he'd be horrified and would either backpay you or at least make sure to pay going forward.

If he's a scobe himself (which is unlikely as he was willing to the ESB in his name, and you willingly have lived with him for 18 months, so again it's unlikely.) then it would probably cause more harm than good.

Don't be passive/aggressive about though - either say it outright to the guy, or let it slide. E36 a year isn't worth losing your head over.

MagicMarker

Tbh, if this is such a good friend then why is it you haven't just said it already?

If it was my friend I would have just said that if they don't pay over the right amount then I'd piss in his milk, then he'd tell me to **** off and then we'd laugh about it.

Chattastrophe!

Next time an ESB bill comes in, and you're working out the costs, you could deduct 6 euro, for the previous two months shortfall in UPC bills ... make sure you mention why, though! Chances are he'll just pay the correct amount in future then - it may have been a genuine error on his part.

I know, if I were in his position, I'd MUCH rather if my housemate just said it to me, rather than being secretly annoyed over it.

Tmeos

Honestly I do find it a bit petty but then I'm crap with money and a bit careless about things like that.

If its annoying you do bring it up but maybe in a jokey lighthearted way. Chances are he just thinks its 30 and dosen't realise.

MIRMIR82

In my honest opinion, yes, i do think you're being scabby, for heavens sake its only 3 euro!! He probably has forgotten its 33 a month. If its annoying you that much i'd print out a bill and put it on the fridge with the 66 on it - it might remind him.

Honey-ec

tinkerbell wrote: »

No you should say it, €3 a month over the year adds up.

To €36. It's hardly the price of a holiday. I don't even think it's worth mentioning, tbh.

tinkerbell

Honey-ec wrote: »

To €36. It's hardly the price of a holiday. I don't even think it's worth mentioning, tbh.

€36 is obviously not much but it obviously bothers the OP so maybe €36 means a lot to the OP. Besides, if the OP is giving exactly half of the ESB then it is a little unfair for his housemate to not give half of the other bill.

SligoBrewer

You all must be the best of housemates to live with. €3 a month ffs. Get over it OP.

Czarcasm

OP tbh I'd say it to him. If he gets stroppy about it, then who's actually the scabby one? If it's actually "not that big a deal", then he won't make a big deal of it surely?

If you get into the bad habit of letting people off this, that and the other, people will operate under the assumption that they don't need to pay you because you're "sound". You're broke from paying their share of everything, but you're sound!

OP have you ever flown Ryanair? Everything you pay is only a euro here and a euro or two there, but it all adds up to a nice wedge for Mr. O' Leary.

freshpopcorn

I think a friendship should be worth more than €36 euro a year. I would recommend that ye put all the bills on the fridge so ye can see what each other has to pay. I know a lot of friends who go to the shop for one another and there often a few cents out but they don't make a big deal of it.

Tmeos

I would have thought if its every two months that hes out it would be €18 over the year but I'm probably being pedantic here.

CaraMay

€18 per year - that's very scabby

anncoates

I think its petty to get worked up about such a small amount between mates but if it's important to you, just say it.

The_Conductor

Tmeos wrote: »

I would have thought if its every two months that hes out it would be €18 over the year but I'm probably being pedantic here.

Electricity bills are every two months- NTL/UPC are monthly. So- it is 36 Euro. I still think its petty though- they are allegedly mates after all.

Czarcasm

Tmeos wrote: »

I would have thought if its every two months that hes out it would be €18 over the year but I'm probably being pedantic here.

The UPC bill is €66 per month, so the OP is out €3 every month, €36 per year. It might seem pedantic, and even petty, but if it's so pedantic and petty and it's "only" €36, then his mate should have no issue with it as long as the OP isn't passive aggressive about it and just says it straight out.

What I'm actually struggling to get my head around is this nonsense of each of them having one bill each in their names and then the silly money transfers taking place after the fact. One of them should take responsibility for all the bills and it'd save them both a nice bit on bank transaction charges then too and all this tension over the bills.

Another poster asked already, but I wonder DO they have a common kitty for the basic essentials- coffee, tea, sugar, bread, etc?

kiffer

It's the little things like this that slowly drive wedges through friendships.
Say it to him but nicely.

People saying it's only a few quid usually fall into one of two types... either they are the ones always shorting people and don't like the idea of it being unfair (or stopping) or they are the ones that are letting lots of little things slide and haven't realised yet how much money it costs you over the years. What goes around does not always come around and one poor sod gets left holding the bulk of the bill.

zef

Is there times he may have possibly covered you for 3euro, bought you a coffee, a pint, bought the loo roll, biscuits etc?
I know that living with someone as housemates little resentments can begin to simmer, and there is a chance he could possibly have perceived resentments towards you too.

LegacyUser

OP here, thanks for the replies.

A few people have asked do we have a kitty for shared household items. No we don't, we just buy things as we need them. I do buy things a bit more but that's because, as I said earlier, my friend is very laid back and he probably wouldn't notice that we needed something until it was gone and he wanted to use it, whereas if I notice something like bin bags, washing-up liquid, etc. running low I'll buy them before they run out.

Anyway I've decided to say nothing. There are times when I feel that I buy more stuff for the house, but he's a great friend and the easiest housemate I've ever lived with so I'm just going to chill and not let it bother me. In general we're pretty generous with each other (every so often one of us will bring home beers to share with the other, or we'll cook each other dinner, or lend each other money when one of us is stuck) and I know he wouldn't rip me off intentionally. So on reflection I think I was being a bit scabby for the sake of a few quid a year!

username216165413

username216165413 wrote: »

Anyway I've decided to say nothing. There are times when I feel that I buy more stuff for the house, but he's a great friend and the easiest housemate I've ever lived with so I'm just going to chill and not let it bother me. In general we're pretty generous with each other (every so often one of us will bring home beers to share with the other, or we'll cook each other dinner, or lend each other money when one of us is stuck) and I know he wouldn't rip me off intentionally. So on reflection I think I was being a bit scabby for the sake of a few quid a year!

OP I don't think there'd be any issue with just saying "here mate would you mind paying me the full 33 for the UPC in future? It's not a huge deal but I'd appreciate it". Worst he can say is no, and if he doesn't react well (which is unlikely since you said yourself he's so easy going) you can always drop the issue.

A lot of the other posters seem to think there's something to be ashamed about for being aware of your own money. I'm quite often the person down the pub to buy the extra round, or buying random presents for friends, or giving money if someone needs some without them even asking. But when someone owes you money and leaves it short, they're not accepting your generosity, their obligating you to give them that last few euro, and when it's a friend that's laid back it's best just to be upfront and ask for it (in my opinion anyway). I know myself I'd be likely to give 30 and not think about the odds, but I'd hate to think that a friend was missing that extra few bob, I'm sure he just doesn't realise.

kiffer

username216165413 wrote: »

OP here, thanks for the replies.

A few people have asked do we have a kitty for shared household items. No we don't, we just buy things as we need them. I do buy things a bit more but that's because, as I said earlier, my friend is very laid back and he probably wouldn't notice that we needed something until it was gone and he wanted to use it, whereas if I notice something like bin bags, washing-up liquid, etc. running low I'll buy them before they run out.

Anyway I've decided to say nothing. There are times when I feel that I buy more stuff for the house, but he's a great friend and the easiest housemate I've ever lived with so I'm just going to chill and not let it bother me. In general we're pretty generous with each other (every so often one of us will bring home beers to share with the other, or we'll cook each other dinner, or lend each other money when one of us is stuck) and I know he wouldn't rip me off intentionally. So on reflection I think I was being a bit scabby for the sake of a few quid a year!

You've probably made the right choice there but I've highlighted two things.
If you're buying a fivers worth of stuff a week its 260 quid a year. If you find yourself tight for cash this can be the death by a thousand cuts, and then when you ask your housemate for some money to cover loo roll or what ever and they get a little tight about it all of the other stuff comes back on you.
Better to have all the expenses in the open.
Start a google doc, and a kitty and keep things transparent.

ncmc

I probably wouldn't bother mentioning the UPC money, but I would be put out if I was always the person who was buying the bin bags, loo roll, washing up liquid etc. That stuff really adds up.

Why not suggest to him that you each put €10 in a kitty to cover household items like that? It's not fair that one person has to cover all that. I bet if you added up the cost of all that stuff, it would come to way more than the €36 per year on the UPC! If he is as easy going as you say, I'm sure he'll be more than happy to pay into a kitty.

ShaShaBear

Realistically, what would happen if you left 33 euro in your bank account and nothing else, and your mate transferred over 30 quid, and you let UPC take the bill by Direct Debit? Well, it would get rejected for one, so your bill would go unpaid. You could then be charged somewhere in the region of a tenner for an unpaid direct debit.

The thing is, not only is the housemate not giving over the extra 3 euro, but the OP then has to take it out of his own pocket to ensure that they dont get cut off for not paying a bill. There's laid back, and then there's lazy. OP I am sure he's a great mate, but you shouldn't be living away from home for 18 months and not realise that bin bags and washing up liquid are sort of important :rolleyes:

The_Conductor

ShaShaBear wrote: »

Realistically, what would happen if you left 33 euro in your bank account and nothing else, and your mate transferred over 30 quid, and you let UPC take the bill by Direct Debit? Well, it would get rejected for one, so your bill would go unpaid. You could then be charged somewhere in the region of a tenner for an unpaid direct debit.

The thing is, not only is the housemate not giving over the extra 3 euro, but the OP then has to take it out of his own pocket to ensure that they dont get cut off for not paying a bill. There's laid back, and then there's lazy. OP I am sure he's a great mate, but you shouldn't be living away from home for 18 months and not realise that bin bags and washing up liquid are sort of important :rolleyes:

And you'd get a black mark on your credit rating too.......
Banks are bending over backwards to make credit reports- I got a black mark for something very similar to the scenario you've just outlined.

ShaShaBear

The_Conductor wrote: »

And you'd get a black mark on your credit rating too.......
Banks are bending over backwards to make credit reports- I got a black mark for something very similar to the scenario you've just outlined.

I have enough black marks for this to make a children's connect-the-dots book :rolleyes:

CommanderC

The_Conductor wrote: »

Electricity bills are every two months- NTL/UPC are monthly. So- it is 36 Euro. I still think its petty though- they are allegedly mates after all.

So the OP's housemate should just pay......if its only a petty amount then it won't bother him.

If he's such a laid back guy, he's not gonna mind paying what he owes anyway.

Although in my experience laid back flat mates have always = lazy, messy, self absorbed weirdos who are waaaay too 'easy going' to put any real effort into anything......unless its avoiding paying their way in literally any situation they can manage it. They can move when they want to !!

Matteroffact

You are saying nothing OP so your mate thinks it is okay to just transfer 30 euro. You probably said "that's okay" the first time he left you short so he now thinks it is okay to do this every time, but it is not okay. You are allowing him get away with this and while it is only 3 euro every month it is not the amount, it is the principle of it that is annoying. I would just tell him that the UPC is 66 euro a month not 60.