Borderline Personality Disorder (Coping)

ynwa14

I'm on the verge of being diagnosed with BPD. I also suffer from positive symptoms of Schizophrenia, which I've been told can feature alongside bpd and I've been suffering from ME/FMS and depression for about five years.

I was wondering if there was anyone here who has been diagnosed with bpd and can tell me more about treatment and what works for them when trying to conquer it? When I found out about this disorder I think I literally broke down in hysterics, after years of eating disorders and feelings of inadequacy, uncontrollable impulses, shame, intensity, lack of identity and self hatred I was being offered this label saying "All the things you thought would go away once your teenage hormones had settled and you got over your social anxiety aren't going anywhere!! It's a full blown disorder tailored specially for you congrats oh also the only cure is long term psychotherapy!!" and I just didn't know how to take it. I don't know if this is a good thing or a bad thing. I'm starting college in just two weeks and I thought it'd be a fresh start for me, I could turn over a new leaf and put my negative thoughts away because maybe when I started actually making friends and getting out there I'd find a reason to like myself and I'd beat my depression and everything else would become more manageable.

And now I'm just facing this diagnosis and...I'm stuck. Turns out being able to put a name to something does not make the something any easier. The fact theres a name for a disorder that pulls all your problems together is actually kind of terrifying. I mean, once I was told about bpd and that there was a possibility I could have it I researched it more and highlighted all the symptoms that applied to me, which is when I realised that yeah, the doctors are probably right. I'm about to get my formal diagnosis.

So yeah. What happens next? Any experiences? Especially dealing with it throughout college? I just want a normal life, these things hindered me from making one friend throughout my teenage years in school, I didnt attend my graduation or my debs or anything like that and I feel so down on myself about that, that I did become the guy who missed out on those things because he had no friends and stuff. I wanted to start college and get away from all of that. But now it seems like its down to more than just a crappy environment and I'm scared. As if positive schizophrenia wasn't bad enough (even though its 100% more manageable than it was a year ago now I'm on the right anti psychotics.)

(Also i'm sorry if a thread like this exists in general for bpd, I searched and could only find really old posts)

Hersheys

ynwa14 wrote: »

I'm on the verge of being diagnosed with BPD. I also suffer from positive symptoms of Schizophrenia, which I've been told can feature alongside bpd and I've been suffering from ME/FMS and depression for about five years.

I was wondering if there was anyone here who has been diagnosed with bpd and can tell me more about treatment and what works for them when trying to conquer it? When I found out about this disorder I think I literally broke down in hysterics, after years of eating disorders and feelings of inadequacy, uncontrollable impulses, shame, intensity, lack of identity and self hatred I was being offered this label saying "All the things you thought would go away once your teenage hormones had settled and you got over your social anxiety aren't going anywhere!! It's a full blown disorder tailored specially for you congrats oh also the only cure is long term psychotherapy!!" and I just didn't know how to take it. I don't know if this is a good thing or a bad thing. I'm starting college in just two weeks and I thought it'd be a fresh start for me, I could turn over a new leaf and put my negative thoughts away because maybe when I started actually making friends and getting out there I'd find a reason to like myself and I'd beat my depression and everything else would become more manageable.

And now I'm just facing this diagnosis and...I'm stuck. Turns out being able to put a name to something does not make the something any easier. The fact theres a name for a disorder that pulls all your problems together is actually kind of terrifying. I mean, once I was told about bpd and that there was a possibility I could have it I researched it more and highlighted all the symptoms that applied to me, which is when I realised that yeah, the doctors are probably right. I'm about to get my formal diagnosis.

So yeah. What happens next? Any experiences? Especially dealing with it throughout college? I just want a normal life, these things hindered me from making one friend throughout my teenage years in school, I didnt attend my graduation or my debs or anything like that and I feel so down on myself about that, that I did become the guy who missed out on those things because he had no friends and stuff. I wanted to start college and get away from all of that. But now it seems like its down to more than just a crappy environment and I'm scared. As if positive schizophrenia wasn't bad enough (even though its 100% more manageable than it was a year ago now I'm on the right anti psychotics.)

(Also i'm sorry if a thread like this exists in general for bpd, I searched and could only find really old posts)

Hi

I'm borderline. I've been through college. I will have a think about your post and compose a proper reply - I'm in a bit of a low at the minute but didn't want your post to go unreplied!

Something that strikes me is the common theme of "the diagnosis" and how it really doesn't make things easier. Giving something a label and then saying there's no cure is horrendous. It's a life sentence.

But you will get through it!

And my low is not down to borderline stuff, it's down to life stuff that even a non borderline would find challenging. Borderline-wise I'm doing ok, so it can be done.

neemish

I HATE the diagnosis - in fact I would go as far as to say that I wholly reject the diagnosis. Not the symptoms, but the wording is awful. Borderline of what like? Having a personality? Because that's what it sounds like. Emotionally unstable pd isn't much better.
That being said, my previous psych said that it was the other side of the coin to complex PTSD. Thinking about my problems within that framework doesn't hold the same negative connotation. When I'm looking at negative behaviour patterns and relate it back to my original trauma, it can actually help. It's a softer approach than the stigma of BPD

At the end of the day, each of us is an individual with particular problems. Labeling those problems or putting us in a particular box helps when it comes to accessing certain services or finding the best treatment. Other than that, f*** my diagnosis!

I've been in psychotherapy for eight years with two different therapists. The first, God bless him, didn't have a clue what he was doing but started me on the path. The person I'm with now is just fab. Does it work? I've gone from being on long term disability, being chronically suicidal almost all of the time, self harming with meds, to a full time, permanent position with a lot of responsibilty. I've had the same job for five years. Now it didn't happen overnight and for the first while, all the changes were on the inside. But I've two social occasions in the past week where people have looked at me and gone, "What did you do to yourself? You look amazing" That's what therapy has done.

Go for it! It'll be hard, but worth it. Find a good therapist, someone who knows what they're talking about and with an approach that suits you. Also ask about DBT - this is becoming more widely available and comes at the problem in a number of different ways.

Hersheys

Hi again,

Sorry - I haven't had a moment to sit and think.

Here we go!

Treatment wise I was only diagnosed in February (I think) and was diagnosed in the public system. I was given a referral for psychotherapy which started in May. Depending on the main issues, psychotherapy will take different turns. For me, the main issue when I presented was self harm and self destructive behaviours (self harm, binge eating, casual sex, suicide ideation) so the first thing was to get that aspect of it under control. Once that was conquered we moved on to other aspects of it. While the public system is great and my therapist is amazing, long term psychotherapy is not really an option publicly. I am nearing the end of my "long term" stint and don't feel "cured". I firmly believe though that with psychotherapy I can continue to live a normal life.

Regarding college. The first thing I would do is register with the college health service and the college counselling service. They may not be able to provide you with the long term support that you need but they can be invaluable in a short term crisis, or to discuss college specific issues (I needed exam dispensations and forms signed) and lecturers MAY suggest you see the college guys. Just bear them in mind as a way of support. My college counsellor was invaluable.

For the social anxiety aspect of it: you are not alone. Very few people look forward to their first day of college. The best piece of advice I was ever given was to join clubs and societies. Here you will find like-minded individuals from all walks of life. Some of the best friends I made in college came through clubs and societies. For me, social anxiety was lessened when there was a common interest.

Don't hide it. It's a part of who you are. I'm not saying to go in and tell everyone that you've BPD but just bear in mind that you are not alone. There will be other people in college with mental health issues. Now is your chance to not let them define you.

Stick with your meds! The first few weeks / months of college will involve partying. Party hard, but don't neglect your health. If you feel yourself slipping, talk to someone. Counsellor, doctor, friend, even the welfare officer in the students union. A listening ear. And take it easy on the booze if it affects you.

Regarding the illness itself... As I said I was only diagnosed recently but I've had mental health issues since I was ~8. My family don't know (they're an issue in their own right) so I don't have an amazing support group in place but to be honest, its one thing where we need to learn to live, cope and survive by ourselves.

It's an awful diagnosis. I was medicated for depression and anxiety for years, only to be told that I'm neither clinically depressed nor anxious - my depression and anxiety are merely symptoms of the BPD. I'm in an okay place now - I made a good, good connection with my therapist and have made amazing progress. My concern is that in a few weeks when sessions with her end that I will go back to square one but that's something I have been open with her about and we're putting plans in place.

Just look after yourself mainly. Check in here any time you want a chat. My PM box is always open.

What are you planning on studying?

Oh and maybe give up supporting Liverpool :P :pac:

Mazzygaz

Heya! Im 5 years into my action plan of dealing with the diagnosis of BPD. I thought that in giving it a name, it would mean that there was a straight cut way to deal with the illness. Turns out its one of the least understood mental illnesses and a lot of people in the mental health profession would run a mile from the diagnosis. This is my experience of it anyway. My mind worked far too quickly at the beginning for me to even grasp my thoughts its seemed to be a constantly whirlwind of being whipped from one extreme emotional state to another with no link or clue as to how or why I got there. Every thought and behavior was completely justified in one state and then a few hours later my opinion, feelings, thoughts would change on the same matter due to being in a completely different state. I couldnt understand anything. I felt helpless, out of control. In order for me to hear the thoughts which were triggering the states I needed medication to slow me down. I genuinely believe that the anti-psychotics and anti anxiety meds were needed in order for my psycho-therapy to work. After a while I found I could hear some my thoughts therefore make a bit of sense of things and see that this was not happening out of the blue...my thought process was instigating things. 5 years with CAT therapy, diary writing I can see that I am starting to find a middle ground, or ok state (as opposed to just off the wall happy and excitable to the depths of despair or un-manageable bursts of anger, confusion, loneliness, self hatred, or just plain BLEAH! not there, kind of like a mental flat line). 5 years in and I have lots of knowledge and self awareness and yet STILL am struggling day to day week to week. They say awareness is the key. The only difference at this stage is that after an extreme emotional state that got out of hand, I can reflect and realize that thats what it was, a state. But this does not prevent the explosion of emotions. All is does is make me realise just how irrational I can be. 99% I feel like a child trapped in an adults body. A child with the emotional skin of an amoeba. In certain aspects I am seen as logical, rational, intelligent, with it, experienced. but to the one person who has ever taken the time to get to know me, I am simply still sick. Im fed up at this stage. But we dont give up. With age, practice, help, growth.....We'l get there, Just wish I could hurry up and get better.

LegacyUser

Hey I was diagnosed with borderline. I had binge eating disorder, self harm, suicidal ideation to name but a few. I spent a year doing DBT (dialectical behaviour therapy). After the year I was discharged and im not studying psychiatric nursing. There is hope and it can be overcome.