Were they ever really my friends.

Mc Kenzie

Hey guys,

Iv been thinking about this lately so i thought id put it out there to see what you think. Its quite a long story so you'll have a better insight, so ...brace yourself.:rolleyes:

Iv have had small group of friends since secondary school who were all friends.
I felt over the years we were all quite close we all new what was going on with each other and got together for nights out ect from time to time. being girls there was a few hiccups or disagreements when some of us didn't see eye to eye, however they were nothing major and always made up but that was years ago. As we got older some of them got into long relationships so i guess we drifted a little and got on with are lives. Sadly I am no longer friends with one of them. I had organised a get together before I left to live in England for the future and i had let them all know, well in advance (a few weeks) and this girl in particular let me down at the last minute and failed to come and see me before i left. I didnt respond as i was quite disappointed and i was not going to make a fuss at this stage, I had so much to prepare for and had alot on my mind also. I felt that proved what i meant as a friend ti her. So I let it go and got on with my life. the other girls kept in touch. One came to visit me which was lovely.

I am back in Ireland now.

The two other girls are friends longer than with me as i moved to ireland when i was only 8 and went to another primary school so they would be best friends, but i always felt i was a close friend growing up.
They do get together with other girls that i know and i dont know why, but never did include me in this group. And one of them i know well from my home village and i was friends with growing up. She always had a boyfriend so prob drifted a little but absolutely had no fall outs with this girl or any reason to not include me.

I would think if your friends with someone you can include them with other friends..right. But i guess iv just excepted that they go out with this group and they speak to me openly about these friends so its not like they hide it.

One girls has recently moved to Oz with her Boyfriend. I did get in touch with her when i found out she was leaving and i said in a friendly way not to go without saying goodbye. I had several times goy in touch to meet up when i was back home from the city to meet up, but she was always doing something and sounded like she genuinely could not. I never seen her before she left. I noticed on facebook she was in touch with a girl from their other friends saying she got over ok ect and will be in touch. Again, I feel i must not be much of a friend to her.

The other girl is now gone travelling for a couple of months, i did see her before she went as we live in the same city.

Im begining to see that maybe they do not value me as a friend the same way i do them. Im not trying to feel sory for myself, but is it worth trying to make an effort or keep in touch, if they don't bother with me. Should i just leave them behind and try to make new friends? Id really appreciate your views on this. Thank you.

heretochat

Hard as it is to accept at times, people grow up, get engaged, married etc., move away to another country to work, develop other friendships through work, college etc.

I was the same as yourself, had a group of friends from school and we were inseperable...

But as time went on I made other friends through work as did they. Some of them are living abroad now, are married with kids etc.

We still make an effort to get together for a drink or whatever every now and again and all are invited.. Most of the time one or two are missing. That's jsut life and other commitments.

So I would say never cast them aside and be there if they need you at any time. However, try to make other friends through work etc. and get on with your own life.

lazygal

I have one friend from school. That's it. For many reasons I didn't want to keep in touch and didn't really miss the 'friends' from school. They were friends at the time and simply weren't friends after that time in my life. Ditto some college friends. I've staying in touch with a few, drifted from others and reunited with still others. I've made work friends and have connected with friends of my husband.

I don't have 'loads' of friends. I don't have a 'gang' for girly nights out the way some people do. But I've realised recently I'm just not into that. My sister has a 'gang' and I couldn't keep up with the drama and who's fallen out with who and who's jealous of who and who's chummy with who - not my scene, I'd find it exhausting. Since becoming a mum I've gotten to know a group of mums and we'd meet up every so often for lunch or nights out. I don't see friends as something you make in a certain way and then they are your friends forever. You gain and lose friends throughout life, I see that with my parents. They were friends with other parents when we were in school, some they stayed in touch with, others drifted.

December2012

Yes they were your friends.

Each friendship is a chemistry of the people involved, all are different.

Just because they think more of another person, doesn't mean they think less of you.

hollands

McKenzie, as someone who has been around probably twice as long as you (guessing), can I just say, my two best friends are one that I met when I was twenty and one that I met when I was thirty! All the people I knocked around with in my teens and early twenties and school had one common thread, they were my peers because of age. Looking back I now see that some were creeps, misogynists, racists and a lot more. I miss none of them and now realise that foolishly I made more effort then them at the time to socialise, to my detriment!
When you look at the big picture in years to come, you will notice that life sorts it all out and you will be left with your true friends! I hope this doesn't sound preachy, just my experience after 67 years.

Mc Kenzie

Thanks very much hollands for your advice, its great to have someone else's insight over those years, its something for me to consider.

Thanks everyone for your kind advice, as some mentioned ill carry on with my life and hopefully meet new friends. I have since made one best friend but she has moved to her home country for a while, but i know we will always be in touch.

I was just sad about my friends growing up, but hey that's life thanks all