Male co-worker keeps taking the same holidays

LegacyUser

I work in a company of a about 80 people which is split into teams of 7/8 on average. I work next to a male co-worker who is on my team. The past few months any time that I have taken a day off, he has taken the same day off. I didn't really notice it at first until another co-worker made a joke and asked if we were meeting up.

Last week a applied for 2 weeks off in a few months and he, on knowing this applied for the same two weeks off even though he has nothing planned just wants 'to use up holidays'.

This has sent the gossip mongers flying. He is newly single also but I am in a steady long term relationship. We get on fine for co-workers but there'd certainly be nothing that would be considered chemistry.

It's starting to upset me that people are saying it jokingly and I worry that they might be actually thinking there is something in it or saying so behind my back. I'm very committed to my boyfriend and even if I was single I would be slow to start an office romance.

I haven't brought it up with him as it may seem a bit awkward and paranoid on my part and I don't know if he is on the receiving end of the jokes too, I haven't heard anyone say it to him.

What should I do?

lima

It would be very awkward and paranoid to bring this up as this is a non-issue. Perhaps you should consider whether you worry about things too much

cassid

I would say nothing to be honest,it could make your work situation very uncomfortable. Gossip is just that, it means nothing, take no notice of what others are saying, some people just enjoy stirring.

Big Bag of Chips

Stop telling him when you are taking days off!

It could be just a huge coincidence, or maybe he's found that if you're off the dynamic of the team changes, or there's more pressure on him etc, and chooses to take the days too?

Could be any reason. But if you don't tell him when you're taking holidays, then he can't book them, and people will stop talking.

Boombastic

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

Stop telling him when you are taking days off!

...
Could be any reason. But if you don't tell him when you're holidays are, then he can't book them, and people will stop talking.

This. If he doesn't know, He couldn't do it!

ongarboy

This is an unusual one alright. I was going to say does he depend on you workwise for some of the tasks your team does and maybe he fears your absence would create added pressure for him that he couldn't turn to you to answer questions or solve issues like you usually do when you are both there?

I remember i worked with a close colleague and used to be sometimes uncomfortable when she was on annual leave as she was so good at solving many crisis at work and I worried that I wouldn't be able to solve them. As the team was so small, we couldn't take the same time off together (not that I'd have gone to that extreme). Ironically, she told me much later she used to worry the same when I went off on leave!! We both had a laugh at that!:)

Other than that, I cannot see any logic for him copying your leave especially as you wouldn't interact with him whatsoever during your leave. I feel you can't actually challenge him about this as he is technically doing nothing wrong and your manager has given leave approval to both of you. What you can do is direct anyone who comments about it to raise it with him explaining you're at a loss why he does it. Is there a close team-mate you can confide in to get another person's perspective on the floor to see if they pick up any cues (whether they notice odd behaviour by him in relation to you).

Finally, is there any chance you could have a casual conversation with him whereby you would comment/"laugh" at the fact you notice he seems to always take the same days off as you just to see what response or reaction he would give. It might give you extra clues as to where to take this further if at all.

ongarboy

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

Stop telling him when you are taking days off!

It could be just a huge coincidence, or maybe he's found that if you're off the dynamic of the team changes, or there's more pressure on him etc, and chooses to take the days too?

Could be any reason. But if you don't tell him when you're holidays are, then he can't book them, and people will stop talking.

Sometimes, especially in larger companies, annual leave requests are recorded on a centralised database and visible to all members of the team so staff can check who else is off to determine if they will be allowed to request the same day/week off (eg if 2 colleagues have already booked the same week off it will be unlikely that subsequent colleagues can request the same time off if there is a maximum headcount absence threshold.). This reduces work for management having to decline time off so hiding future leave may not be an option in OP's case here.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies. We have a shared company calendar so all holidays are public in the company so even if I don't tell him, he'll see.

With work, we are very similarly matched in our skills and experience and I wouldn't worry if he was out and I think that he is confident and able enough to be fine if I'm on them.

I think I'll go with the casually mention it and see how it goes.

Gannicus

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

Stop telling him when you are taking days off!

It could be just a huge coincidence, or maybe he's found that if you're off the dynamic of the team changes, or there's more pressure on him etc, and chooses to take the days too?

I agree. I have a similar situation at work. When a mate of mine in work is off I do sometimes try take a day or two off at the same time.

The dynamic for us being on a team of 6 people changes quite a bit plus we would be quite friendly in work and in work alone.

This may be the same for you or maybe it may just be a massive coincidence.

jimmycrackcorm

Sorry OP but I don't think its any of your business when your colleague chooses holidays regardless of it coinciding with your own. Regardless of how odd it is.

DjangoMc

My co-worker is the same. I book my holidays months in advance. Just so I can get time needed as we're not suppose to over lap with anyone. One I asked for a day that he had and was told no, as it over lapped.
I'm off for three weeks next month and he took the last two weeks off that I'm off as well. He does it so he doesn't have to do any of my work and manage allow it coz he is useless and messes everything up!

Just leave him to it. Let everyone talk, they have nothing better to do.

ash23

I think it's just co-incidence. I know when I started in this job first, myself and one of the lads seemed to co-incide constantly with our days off and we got a bit of slagging about it. But in the last 2 years it's happened maybe once.

It's probably just co-incidence. Or as others have said, maybe when you are off, he ends up doing your work so he chooses to avoid it. I notice that in my job it's like we are in unofficial tag teams and if one girl is off, I end up taking over her work and the same for the others in the office. The pair go hand in hand although it's nothing official.
So perhaps he finds his workload increases when you are off and not when other people are off.

jester77

What is his work ethic like?

I know plenty of people who can't handle the stress or extra work load of covering for work colleagues when they are sick or on vacation. There are also workers who are not competent enough to cover for others and fear that they may mess up and put their own job at risk when it comes to reviews.

Taking vacation at the same time is an easy way out, but I am surprised your company would allow 2 members of a small same team take a 2 week vacation at the exact same time. Surely some responsibility for this lies with your boss, I would be having a chat with him/her about this as I am sure that the rest of your team would not be too pleased having to cover for 2 people for 2 weeks.

who_me

Maybe he's a lazy worker who doesn't want to be exposed by working any day when you're not around to make up the shortfall.

Personally I wouldn't be bothered by gossip, but if you know the guy well enough you could just casually mention how funny it is that you both take holidays at the same time and see if he mentions anything. I wouldn't be accusatory about it, there might be a perfectly reasonable reason.

lima

HolidayBlues wrote: »

Thanks for the replies. We have a shared company calendar so all holidays are public in the company so even if I don't tell him, he'll see.

With work, we are very similarly matched in our skills and experience and I wouldn't worry if he was out and I think that he is confident and able enough to be fine if I'm on them.

I think I'll go with the casually mention it and see how it goes.

Bad Move.

MagicMarker

HolidayBlues wrote: »

I think I'll go with the casually mention it and see how it goes.

That's ridiculous, it has nothing to do with you.

daithi1970

Do nothing, say nothing- any thing you say or do will just give legs to an unfounded rumour.

daithi

IrishEyes19

Im going to be blunt here. I think if you say anything you will look paranoid and nosy. If anything he will be uncomfortable and you will be creating an awkward work environment.

you need to ask yourself why it matters. Do you honestly believe that the office think you are having an affair with someone. No. chances are one person laughed it off jokingly, it passed around and people just say it to gauge a reaction from you and job well done on their part, because its working.

leggo

Another reason why it's a bad idea to mention (aside from the wealth of suggestions already) is that he can just lie.

Also, if you're on holidays, why does it make a difference if he's working or not? If he was showing up at the same Lanzarote bar as you, sipping mojitos, at the same time then it'd be a problem. But you're both not there and thus completely unaffected by each other on your days off as is.

As for whether you're committed to your boyfriend or not (which I'm sure you are), playful office rumours won't affect that and, while I can understand how these can be irritating and even undermining, they generally die down when people see they're blatantly untrue. If the rumours become too much to handle then you can ask people to stop and report them if they don't. If you don't feel compelled to do so, they're not as serious when you weigh everything up. Simple.

Finally a possible explanation for this is that he could simply like working with you? I've certainly worked in places where 1-2 people being in or not being in would either make or break my day. Now I've never felt compelled to try and work things so that I would be off at the same time as them, but this could be a harmless quirk of his for all you know. Unless it escalates (e.g. He suggested he was romantically into you etc) then anything else is just conjecture and/or paranoia.

ShaShaBear

leggo wrote: »

Another reason why it's a bad idea to mention (aside from the wealth of suggestions already) is that he can just lie.

Also, if you're on holidays, why does it make a difference if he's working or not? If he was showing up at the same Lanzarote bar as you, sipping mojitos, at the same time then it'd be a problem. But you're both not there and thus completely unaffected by each other on your days off as is.

As for whether you're committed to your boyfriend or not (which I'm sure you are), playful office rumours won't affect that and, while I can understand how these can be irritating and even undermining, they generally die down when people see they're blatantly untrue. If the rumours become too much to handle then you can ask people to stop and report them if they don't. If you don't feel compelled to do so, they're not as serious when you weigh everything up. Simple.

Finally a possible explanation for this is that he could simply like working with you? I've certainly worked in places where 1-2 people being in or not being in would either make or break my day. Now I've never felt compelled to try and work things so that I would be off at the same time as them, but this could be a harmless quirk of his for all you know. Unless it escalates (e.g. He suggested he was romantically into you etc) then anything else is just conjecture and/or paranoia.

Plus 1 to this. It's an idea that goes as far back, in my opinion, to school as kids! If your friend was off sick or not coming in on a particular day, you would move mountains so as to not be stuck in school all day without them. I didn't have a lot of friends in secondary school, only one really good one, and one or two of their friends got on quite well with me. But something as simple as having to sit alone in class, or work on a two-people project with someone I didn't like (or as was more the case, but irrelevant, people that didn't seem to like me :rolleyes: ) used to really work me up and get me stressed.

When I started college, I was quite a bit older, and I very much tagged to a girl who I am now very good friends with, but would actually attempt to skip class for the day if I knew she wasn't coming (obviously only if I could, I was old enough to know it shouldn't affect my grades) and when she dropped out, I formed an excellent partnership with another mature lad - we were both excellent in labs together because we didn't pussyfoot around, spend the class gossiping, and we both pulled our weight. If I knew he wasn't going to be in for a lab, I'd be downtrodden, because it meant either working alone (which, even at 25, feels very lonely) or working with someone that I knew would hold me back, and who wouldn't respond to my enthusiasm for the class. Rumours circulated quite fast because we were never out of each other's sight. We sat together in class, did all our labs together, sat in the library and did our group work together... But people soon learned that there was nothing going on and they got over it.

Mind you, we were both very honest about it - we were very good friends outside of college, but we understood each other to be the two most hard-working and focused people in the group due to age and life experiences, so it only made sense to rely on one another. I only hope I find such a good working relationship when I become employed!

cletus van damme

MagicMarker wrote: »

That's ridiculous, it has nothing to do with you.

she can say what she likes -if it is bothering her she needs to tackle it
maybe the issue is not him but her work colleagues and their gossip.

the guy could be a weirdo that trives on the gossip and gets a kick out of it but my advice is that it is the gossip that needs to be tackled.


either way the OP is upset , whether you think she is over reacting or not she has an issue and it needs closure.

lynski

Worth a check but afaik a sharedholiday calendar was deemed a breach of data protection regs. a few years ago. Might be the approach to take.

LegacyUser

Don't mention it. Your colleagues are people with small minds and nothing else to do. I was on my own in an office, when a new guy started he was moved in with me. We were both single, similar age and got on like a house on fire but as you say no chemistry on both our parts. Unfortunately people started mentioning things to him about how well we got on, so much so that when I left the company the friendship we built died because quite obviously he was paranoid and thought I fancied him. Never mind that he is immature this is a figment of their imagination if you voice your concerns it will show them that it isn't.

Cunning Stunt

If you're determined to bring it up then I would advise you do so in a half-jokingly manner - something like ''hey XXX, you have to stop taking hols at the same time as me - people will start talking, haha''. That might be enough to bring it to his attention that you are aware if it and dissuade him from doing it again.

hmmm

Not to be too dramatic, but if you work in an area that handles money there's a slim chance it could be a sign of fraud e.g. he could be worried that if he takes holidays and you cover for him, you'll spot something.