Headed for embarrassment..

LegacyUser

My thoughts are a bit of a mess at the moment so apologies if this isn't as coherant and well put together as it could be. Basically for the longest time I've been the shy, quiet, withdrawn lad of my group, and until recently enough I had little to no experience with girls. Two years ago I was massively overweight, I started weightlifting and eating properly and have managed to get myself into great shape, I then started working at a nightclub about a year ago and between those two things, I've really gotten over almost all of my social anxiety. This is the kind of big-headed thing I would only say over the anonymity of the internet, but I definitely know I've become quite attractive. Girls flirt with me over the bar every night in work, and I'll usually get a few phone numbers over the weekends. I've always been too afraid to follow up on these though, lack of experience (never been on a date) weighed heavily on my mind.

I recently went on holidays with my friends for two weeks, it was your typical 'lad' holiday and my friends were all mad to pull every night we went out. I never actively approached girls looking to pull but managed to be pretty successful while over there regardless and ended up losing my virginity at the ripe age of 23, and throughout the holiday I slept with four other women.

Now to get to the issue at hand. After I got home I met the girl of my dreams, she's an absolute knockout, turns heads wherever she goes, completely stunning and possibly the most confident/outgoing person I've known. I was serving her over the bar as she was with her friends fending off the advances of every guy in the place, and she later approached me asking when I finish and if I'd like to head out with her. In my head she's completely out of my league but I couldn't let this one get away so I got her phone number and have since seen her a couple of times after work, lots of kissing and talking but nothing more since we both live at home. I'm really enjoying her company, and would like to date her and hopefully become her boyfriend if things go well but I'm filled with anxiety thinking about when we eventually have sex. I was absolutely terrible at sex any of the times over my holidays, couldn't hit any rythm, stop-starting, awkward stuff.. Two of the times it was over in seconds.. really embarrassing. To make matters worse she was texting a friend of hers who is away the other night and started laughing, her friend was telling her she finally had sex after a long dry-spell. She then went on to tell me a 'funny' story about that friends last partner who could only last three minutes in bed and apparently had a small penis. I've always been ashamed of my own size, so you can imagine after her joking about her friend having bad sexual luck with guys I'm feeling pretty scared now.

I like this girl alot, she is smart, funny and insanely attractive. I just really feel like I'm going to embarrass myself pretty bad when things progress, any thoughts/advice would be appreciated.

gg2

Firstly please do not stress!!
You really like this girl, so take it slow, do things at your own pace and don't put yourself under any pressure. The slower you take things with her the more you can experiment the more momentum you can build up, and frig it if the first time you have full sex it doesn't last as long as you want whats the big deal?? Theres always next time :-)

LegacyUser

Jumango wrote: »

To make matters worse she was texting a friend of hers who is away the other night and started laughing, her friend was telling her she finally had sex after a long dry-spell. She then went on to tell me a 'funny' story about that friends last partner who could only last three minutes in bed and apparently had a small penis. I've always been ashamed of my own size, so you can imagine after her joking about her friend having bad sexual luck with guys I'm feeling pretty scared now.

I like this girl alot, she is smart, funny and insanely attractive. I just really feel like I'm going to embarrass myself pretty bad when things progress, any thoughts/advice would be appreciated.

OP as a woman myself I would be very very wary of someone who openly belittled another guys sexual skills/manhood. It would ring serious alarm bells for me. Yes this girl may be drop dead gorgeous but ridiculing some guy who was 'bad in bed' may speak volumes about her as a person imho... So perhaps it's time to take her down off that pedestal..

Regardless, the first time you have sex with anyone is always awkward, things slip out etc, it's no big deal, I certainly don't think I've ever had first time sex with anyone where it all went perfectly! It takes time to 'fit' with a new partner but the more you have sex with someone the more in tune you both become. When the time comes just relax as best you can, if something does happen, you can't get into a rhythm or what ever, just make a joke of it and laugh it off, don't make a big deal out of it, it'll only become a big deal if you make it seem like one.

Normally I'd say if you were really worried you should just tell her you're a little nervous/inexperienced beforehand, the vast majority of women wouldn't mind in the slightest, but her behaviour regarding her friend would suggest that she's in the minority of women and in this case perhaps honesty may not be the best policy..

beks101

Don't stress about this one, we women are pretty forgiving when it comes to this stuff if we really like the guy.

And definitely don't let your previous few performances freak you out. Sex the first couple times is almost universally AWFUL, and can be comical when you're looking back in years ahead.

I personally didn't have a clue what I was doing, barely knew the first few guys, varied from slightly tipsy to completely rat-arsed, no coordination, no clue about positions or rhythm or what would feel good for myself or for the guys (God love em!)....first-time, drunken, casual sex...par for the course. You'll look back and laugh once you're a bit more experienced, trust me

Have some faith in yourself, but be patient with yourself and take things at a comfortable pace. Don't feel pressured to jump into bed or to get the deed done as fast as possible. Spend some more time getting to know each other and when the time comes, plenty of foreplay, lots of communicating, be vocal, explore each other's bodies, have fun. If this girl really likes you, she's not gonna be put off by an awkward first time in bed. It happens even to the most experienced of people.

Oh - and congrats on the weight loss! Sounds like you've really turned your life around

iusedtoknow

I'm with the above posters, the first time you do it with anyone is an awkward messy affair, and that is if you're doing it right . It's also one of these things in life that NOONE is good at the first time, but the learning curve is great.

Take your time, and enjoy getting to know the girl first - it would ring alarm bells with me if she was willing to discuss a 3rd parties performance - for one thing, it's an ex so her friend is probably remember the bad sex more than the good - secondly, loyallty to ex partners (and your friends ex partner) is always seen as a plus, I have never once spoken about my ex's performance to anyone, and neither have they (i hope, at least I haven't heard back).

Also..have some fun, and be careful...after that all else will fall into place.

scarymoon1

If it is a disaster then she should understand. I remember a couple of years ago I was seeing a guy and the first time we slept together it was indeed a disaster. He was sooo nervous! We just stopped and laughed about it, in a good way not a nasty way. When we tried again it was better. I think you should hold off sleeping with her and get to know her so if its a disaster ye can work through it and keep trying

heretochat

A couple of points for me on this one:

(a) You have only been out with this girl a couple of times and barely know her. Why are you putting yourself under pressure to have sex with her so soon? It comes across that you are afraid that if you don't hurry and do the "dirty deed" and do it well, this "stunning" girl will run away with someone else. If she is such a great catch, she should be prepared to take it slow and get to know you first.

(b) Allied to the above, the more you get to know someone, the better you will feel when being intimate. Sex the first time with anyone is a mess let's be honest.. But if it is with someone you know and like, you can afford to laugh at the unholy show you have made of it and this will make the next time easier..

(c) Finally, I would also be concerned about this girl laughing at her friend's experience. Do you really want to rush into having sex with someone like that and risk being the butt of her friends' jokes?

My advice, take it slow and get to know her.. If she is worth it, everything will flow from there.

December2012

There was a really good sex advice show on channel 4 last year - it was aimed at teenagers and young adults but I in my 30s took some hints from it. I think it's on the 4 Player.

Maybe watch this - it's not porn but it does talk about real sex, feelings, technical matters, etc.

Then, relax and be calm; she likes you, you like her, just let things build from kissing to touching before moving onto sex.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies everybody, my mind is slightly more at ease from your reassurance and that's what this thread's all about at the end of the day

To clear a couple of things up she herself wasn't really ridiculing her friends ex for his performance, I definitely could have worded that bit better. She was getting a text from her best friend who has been away for a couple of months which read something along the lines of 'omg I had sex yay'. She showed me this and we laughed and I said something like 'Girls are even worse than lads for talking about sex to eachother', joking about the lad stereotype for bragging about sex. After that she started telling me about that friend who's particularly open about these things, remarking that she even told people about that other guy and about how the sex wasn't great. She said herself that it was terrible and something no girl should do, seemed to have nothing but sympathy for the guy in question. It still scared me to think about though, pretty much hit me exactly where I'm most insecure.

And as to putting myself under pressure to have sex with her I'd say it's pretty much the opposite. I'm certainly in no rush at this point :P I just know that we like and are very attracted to eachother, it seems inevitable that it will come to sex at some point, probably in the next couple of weeks, and that's what scares me.

ShaShaBear

jumango wrote: »

Thanks for the replies everybody, my mind is slightly more at ease from your reassurance and that's what this thread's all about at the end of the day

To clear a couple of things up she herself wasn't really ridiculing her friends ex for his performance, I definitely could have worded that bit better. She was getting a text from her best friend who has been away for a couple of months which read something along the lines of 'omg I had sex yay'. She showed me this and we laughed and I said something like 'Girls are even worse than lads for talking about sex to eachother', joking about the lad stereotype for bragging about sex. After that she started telling me about that friend who's particularly open about these things, remarking that she even told people about that other guy and about how the sex wasn't great. She said herself that it was terrible and something no girl should do, seemed to have nothing but sympathy for the guy in question. It still scared me to think about though, pretty much hit me exactly where I'm most insecure.

And as to putting myself under pressure to have sex with her I'd say it's pretty much the opposite. I'm certainly in no rush at this point :P I just know that we like and are very attracted to eachother, it seems inevitable that it will come to sex at some point, probably in the next couple of weeks, and that's what scares me.

I can give you a few small pointers, that might be of no use to you, but you never know!

Firstly, never expect sex to be like a porno. It's never that violently loud and erotic, women shouldn't be crying tears of mascara and that gagging noise is not normal :rolleyes: A lot of lads with little to no experience base their potential experiences on what they have seen in movies, and it leaves a lot to be desired as far as the female orgasm goes.

Second, foreplay is indeed your friend. Oral sex, some handiwork ( ) and plenty of erotic kissing and touching will all aid to getting a woman to her happy place before penetration even occurs. For a lot of women, myself included, once that happy place is reached, the length of time penetration lasts doesn't really come into it. Sex doesn't need to last for up on half an hour - it gets sore, and a woman's natural lubrication will only last so long!

Third. Talk. Talk, talk, talk. Discuss. Ask. What does she want you to do? Do it. Does it feel good? Keep doing it. An open and frank discussion on sexual preferences is the healthiest approach to making each other sexually satisfied.