No friends, no social life

Sarah Jane.

In secondary school I stood up for a girl that was being bullied, and the bully started to text me horrible messages about my looks/teeth/weight/family, basically anything she could and they are always at the back of my mind. I am now in college and am mostly away from home. A few months ago my friends started going out with her on nights out. They know I can't stay in the same room as this girl and are telling me ''to grow up and get over it, that its all in the past''. This has resulted in me not going out over the whole summer with my friends because she is ALWAYS with them. I feel like I have no friends and them messages calling me horrible names and threatening me is never going to go away. Has anyone any advice for a girl with no social life?

yerwanthere123

It mightn't sound nice, but unfortunately you're just going to have to suck it up and find a way to be in the same room as this girl you don't like. By insisting that you can't, you are alienating yourself from your friends.

Can I ask, how long ago was it that she sent these nasty messages?

Sarah Jane.

I just feel that anytime I see this girl I am paranoid of what I say/do. I can't be myself. I am just waiting for her to text me at any time. I know you are completely right, I am being alienated. It was 3 years ago since she text me and then 2 years ago one of my lad friends asked me to the debs and then asked her, when I thought I was going. Feel so lonely

LegacyUser

Hi OP,

I saw this and decided I had to post to let you know you aren't alone! I have an almost identical situation, girl attacking me for no reason, living away for college and I also eventually decided I couldn't tolerate it anymore. It's a horrible situation to be put in and it really can take a toll on your own self esteem and physical being. I found that once I cut this girl out that my anxiety levels dropped and that I became a lot more confident as a person.

It is very hard, but it does get better. I'm at home on my own for the summer not seeing my group of friends, but I kept myself positive by keeping in contact with people from college and seeking out other groups of friends from back home. If these girls can't see what this person has done to you, and will not help you, then maybe distance yourself from them. You do not need to be put in that situation if you do not feel comfortable. Saying ''grow up and get over it'' is easy when you aren't the one on the other side of the bullsh*t.

Chin up, college will be back soon and hopefully you won't need to deal with this mess for much longer Also, if you do wanna meet up with your friends, maybe suggest a coffee or some drinks in your house? If you take control of the situation, then she cannot be there and you can still have some social interaction with these girls.

Hope it all works out

xx

Sarah Jane.

Goiiin Unregistered wrote: »

Hi OP,

I saw this and decided I had to post to let you know you aren't alone! I have an almost identical situation, girl attacking me for no reason, living away for college and I also eventually decided I couldn't tolerate it anymore. It's a horrible situation to be put in and it really can take a toll on your own self esteem and physical being. I found that once I cut this girl out that my anxiety levels dropped and that I became a lot more confident as a person.

It is very hard, but it does get better. I'm at home on my own for the summer not seeing my group of friends, but I kept myself positive by keeping in contact with people from college and seeking out other groups of friends from back home. If these girls can't see what this person has done to you, and will not help you, then maybe distance yourself from them. You do not need to be put in that situation if you do not feel comfortable. Saying ''grow up and get over it'' is easy when you aren't the one on the other side of the bullsh*t.

Chin up, college will be back soon and hopefully you won't need to deal with this mess for much longer Also, if you do wanna meet up with your friends, maybe suggest a coffee or some drinks in your house? If you take control of the situation, then she cannot be there and you can still have some social interaction with these girls.

Hope it all works out

xx

Wow thank you so much You really sound like you know where I'm coming from. I will take your advice and just wait for college to start and maybe seek a new group of friends at home. I am a really sensitive person and take things to heart. I don't think I'd be able to deal with being in that kind of company. Your message meant a lot & well done you on getting your confidence back!:) xx

freshpopcorn

Hi!
I can see how you are upset and I know it can be hard to forgive people if they have hurt you in the past. I would make a few suggestions to you. Maybe try and go out with the group of girls and see how it might go. I know it might be hard but there is also a chance she might have grown up a bit and ye might get on better now. You can go to the cinema or out for a drink and remember if you she makes you feel uncomfortable at any time it would be easy to slip home.
How are your friends in college? Do you get on well with them? When you go back in September ye might be doing a group project which could result in you making new friends. Have you registered with any societies? You might be able to join new ones that you are interested in September! It amazing how you can make friends with people when you spend time with a person.
There might also be a club in your area that you might have an interest in that you could join to meet other people.

Sarah Jane.

Thanks for your message @freshpopcorn
I think if I went on a night out with them and her I would be afraid to say anything, incase it made me sound stupid, if you get me? And that would put me back to square one. I love my friends in college. I've just had a very lonely summer on my own, watching people put up pictures of themseves with friends etc on facebook. You can regester for societies in September so I will look into that

LegacyUser

Sarah Jane. wrote: »

Wow thank you so much You really sound like you know where I'm coming from. I will take your advice and just wait for college to start and maybe seek a new group of friends at home. I am a really sensitive person and take things to heart. I don't think I'd be able to deal with being in that kind of company. Your message meant a lot & well done you on getting your confidence back!:) xx

Sadly, I put up with it for far too long! I kept my mouth shut for a few years until I literally couldn't take it anymore. I like you, take things to heart very easily, but my group back at home just kept saying ''ignore it, deal with it, we don't want to get involved it's not our place'' etc etc... Enough was enough and I had to get away from it. Bullying is already horrible enough, but it becomes worse when you feel you have nobody to back you and the big scary corner you've been pushed into. I found I changed around them, I became so anxious that I wasn't myself at all. My boyfriend was literally stunned when he saw how this girl treated me and he was stunned when he saw how I became around them.

This could be the bets time for a fresh start for you and it will defo give you more confidence to meet new people and finally be around people that will support and back you 100% no matter what. Sadly life is full of sh*tty people, but as long as you don't let yourself be targeted by one of them, you will eventually be the better person and you will appreciate and admire yourself for being strong

xx

cassid

Hiya,

To be honest I don't think I would like to be in her company that much either so I can understand your situation. If she was able to send you those nasty messages why would you want to be in her company anyway, life is too short. You want to move forward with your life not backwards. If you friends don't understand, well sometimes you have to put yourself first, one of these days she might reveal "that side" of her with her new friends.

When back in College, join all the societies you can and get involved with sports clubs, its a great way to meet new friends. Even when home now, look to do something that brings you in contact with other people, volunteering for charities is a great way to meet people and you get the satisfaction of helping others.

Well done you on standing up for yourself. The whole is huge and full of interesting and wonderful people, take those steps to meet people who will like you for being just you. xx

freshpopcorn

Hi!
The main reason I said to try and go on a night out with the girls was because I was badly bullied by a few people in secondary school. When I left I ignored almost everyone and just kept n contact with a few friends on facebook. When everyone started turning 21. I got asked to a few 21st and I declined the invites. This one guy was a good friend and he really wanted me to go to his. I knew there was going to be people there that bullied me and I decided I can disappoint my friend and not go or I can make an effort and go. I decided on the night I would go and I told myself if anyone says anything to me I can leave. The night went well and I did bump into a few of the guys that bullied me and we actually got on. I decided to leave it in the past and the guys were grand with me. I got on well with them. I learnt that night that holding a grudge on these people wasn't going to help me. The girl in your situation might have also moved on and grown up and ye might actually get on better now.
If you do give it ago and it works out. Your friendship with your friends might grow even better and you might also form a friendship with this girl over time. If it doesn't work out you can always say you tried.
Its good that you have friends in college and you'll probably find more by joining socialites.

Est28

Good advice here already but I'll just add this...

You make and break friendships throughout your life. I didn't have huge problems in school but never really liked it either and only have maybe 3 friends from back then who I really still care much about.

Anyway, what I'm getting at is that for some reason a lot of folks just won't let go of that social clique from school. Most of the bully types I know were popular in school but did nothing with themselves after and hung desperately to keep the same social groups and standards as in school while the rest of us just moved on and began to do well for ourselves.

You'll build new friendships through college, then through work, then through relationships, then other activies you do and so on and in 10 years you'll look at someone like that bully and just think it's a little sad really that they are where they are, still being that way when you've moved on so much. So might as well adopt that attitude now.

If she's out when you are, ignore her if she still acts like she's in school, that was a different life and you've all grown up. She'll come off worse if she persists. Besides that, just forget the old friends and social hierarchy of school, it doesn't exist anymore in college, you go make new friends and new circles and move on.