Awkwardness at being a virgin

Monkey09

Hi Everyone,
I've gotten some excellent advice from fellow boardsies in the past so I'd really appreciate any replies on this issue.

Well, as the title says, I am a virgin at the age of 23. The main reasons for this is lack of dating and not wanting to lose it on some one night stand.

Anyway, I have recently met a great guy and things are going very well. He is 27 and has been in a serious relationship which lasted over 4 years so he is obviously quite experienced. We have only been seeing each other for about a month so we are still really only getting to know each other but we both seem to really like each other. I feel we are getting closer to one another so I am starting to worry about how I should deal with telling him that I am a virgin.

I have considered the question of whether I should tell him or just say nothing and I am leaning more towards telling him as I want him to be aware that I am a virgin and to be gentle at first. That is important to me.

The thing that's bothering me most is that I worry that the fact that I am a virgin will cause awkwardness between us. I am looking for ways to avoid this happening and what exactly I should say to him. I was thinking that when things heat up between us, I should say something along the lines that I'm not very experienced....

I'd appreciate any thought on this.

gg2

DO NOT FEEL AWKWARD!!!

I lost it because I was the only one out of my friends left - totally naive. If I could go back I'd hold out for someone who at least cared about me - not "the one" or anything else......

If I were you I'd allow the sex conversation to come up naturally and be upfront and just say it wasn't something you wanted to do with anyone you've already met.... If he knows you and cares for you he won't be freaked out by it.... I should think anyway

username123

Tell him. It's not a problem, if anything he will be flattered to be your first. Definitely tell him because he would prefer to know!

It's not a bad thing, not at all. Remember, every person ever is a virgin at some point. He was himself probably not so long ago.

As to how to tell him, when things heat up, just pause and say 'just so you know, I haven't done this with anyone before'. This will probably lead to him asking a bit about if you are ok to keep going etc... After that, it'll all come naturally.

It's possible you may have a conversation prior to the actual intimate moment, perhaps when planning to spend a night together. You can say it then if that happens.

I know he will be cool about it, it's really not a big deal at all.

Best of luck! Have fun!

heretochat

As a guy, I would agree with some of what has been posted earlier.. Not that it has happened to me much but there was one girl I wqas going out with a number of years ago who was a virgin.. We were together a good while before we got to the point of anything heavy happening sexually..

As things progressed she told me she was a virgin and was embarassed.. She trusted me enough at that point to tell me.. I was flattered that she was prepared to share that with me and that she felt I was the "one" she wanted to be with in tht way for the first time.. Things progressed at her pace and it was all handled very gently..

I suppose what I am trying to say is that if he is the type of guy that you feel right with and feel you can trust he will feel as I did and he will act accordingly.

Don't stress about it as your gut will tell you when is the right time to tell him. And don't be embarassed. As one poster said we were all virgins once and all had that "moment" to overcome.

Beruthiel

Tell him.
I believe he will be extremely honored that you saved yourself for him.
I believe him knowing in advance will make your first experience even better.

Big Bag of Chips

If he's a nice guy, and he seems to be, then this will not be an issue for him at all. He will want to make sure that you are happy and comfortable with anything that happens.

You will find the right time to say it, and once you've said it, and he's reassured you, you'll wonder why you were worried about talking to him about it in the first place.

LegacyUser

Hi OP,

I was in the exact same situation as you at the beginning of this year, except I was a virgin at 25. I had been dating guys from time to time, but when it got to the really intimate stages, I would make my excuses instead of blurting out I was a virgin, I had it so built up in my own head that I thought it was a massive issue.

Like that I worried if the guy would think I was a freak if I told him.

Fast forward to the beginning of this year and I had met someone I really really liked. Again I was freaking out about what his reaction would be to the omission of being a virgin in my mid 20s. After a time when i would pull back from being intimate, or I would get very nervous, he began to suspect something was up. He too was in a 4 year relationship previous to this, so he too would have had quiet an amount of experience.

When you are dating someone, it depends how comfortable you are with them to tell them. For me, I preferred not to come out right and say 'I am a virgin'. Instead, all I said was I was very inexperienced and nervous about it, particularly since he would have had a lot more experience than me and just to go slow. that way I was more relaxed, he was too. If the question of being a virgin is posed to you by this guy after telling him you are inexperienced, then I would tell him if you are comfortable enough in doing so. My partner never asked me but I think he knew - he never brought it up cos it wasnt something that mattered to him. It's not a big deal, I wish i realised that all those years i was so worked up about it! just relax and take things slow and you will be fine, trust me and enjoy yourself