Never talking to your first love again

LegacyUser

When my ex broke up with me roughly 2 years ago it hurt unbelievably badly. It was ended by text after nearly 4 years together and I got quite angry over her for it. I ended up saying some nasty things about her that I shouldn't have, and even had her parents threaten me. To be honest I felt I had every right to be angry at having that long of a relationship ended in that manner..not even a phonecall!

For some reason I've been doing a lot of thinking about her over the last week and having quite deep thoughts like how it would be really sad never to talk again to someone you once loved so much. After the breakup I decided cutting all contact would be best. I deleted her from social network sites, deleted her number etc. But now I just can't help thinking how it would be a shame to never ever say another word to each other. Just wondering do these thoughts even make sense to anyone? Or is it normal for people to break up badly and then never to talk to each other again in their lives?

Neyite

I think its healthy to go no contact initially, especially when one still has strong feelings in the break up. But, as time goes on, and hurt fades, and you move on, it can be nice to re-connect as friends. One ex recently reconnected with me on facebook as he'd seen I had a new baby and congratulated us. It was nice that we both had moved on enough to be friendly and civil.

HalloweenJack

I think everyone has different experiences with exes so there can't be one catch-all advice.

Myself, I don't keep in touch with my exes.

With one, we didn't talk for a while after and then she got in touch with me a few years later. Fact is we had both changed dramatically and while at the time I was really happy with her, once we started chatting again, I realised we were different and we gradually stopped talking to each other.

With another, we had a very complicated relationship. We tried being friends but it always ends terribly. As it stands, it's almost a year since I last talked to her which is by far the longest I've gone since we broke up nearly five years ago.

I've also noticed that the times when I want to contact exes is when I'm feeling down or lonely. Is that the same for you? It's something to consider.

On the whole, I personally don't think it's a good idea but relationships are very personal things and advice that works for one person may not for another.

_dublinlad_

I could have wrote this post myself. Although mine didn't end quite as badly as yours, it was still pretty bad, by text aswell.

I think the first thing you have to do is ask yourself are you 100% over her and the breakup? If it is a definite yes to both of these questions then I really see no reason not to at all. This girl obviously meant an awful lot to you, so if you are answering yes to the above it can only be a positive thing that she is in your life as a friend.

Good luck buddy.

lazygal

Never ever kept in touch with exes after realising with one that the relationship was never going to be the same. We were friends before we got together but that was effectively ruined when we broke up. I don't understand why you'd force a friendship post break up, I think one or other party usually hopes something will happen or rekindle, but it never really works out well.

I have enough friends that I find it easy to keep in touch with, and I've rekindled some friendships over the years, but exes are something I let go for good.

LegacyUser

lazygal wrote: »

Never ever kept in touch with exes after realising with one that the relationship was never going to be the same. We were friends before we got together but that was effectively ruined when we broke up. I don't understand why you'd force a friendship post break up, I think one or other party usually hopes something will happen or rekindle, but it never really works out well.

I have enough friends that I find it easy to keep in touch with, and I've rekindled some friendships over the years, but exes are something I let go for good.

I don't have enough friends though, which I suppose is part of the problem. I find myself lonely a lot of the time lately. In the first year I didn't feel the urge to ever talk to her again really. I was busy with work and college. Now i'm finished college, I don't work anymore and I'm off travelling in October so I've got way too much time on my hands to reflect on my loneliness and also to reflect on my ex. Problem is, I'm not sure how I can become less lonely!