EVerything's gone wrong and I feel awful.

LegacyUser

Reg going unreg for this.

Things have been a bit of a mess lately, and I feel awful.

To keep it brief, I was made redundant, my boyfriend slept with my friend [he's now an ex obviously] and my closest friend may be dying. I found all of this out in the past 3 weeks. It's also coming up to the anniversary of when I was raped a few years ago, something I still struggle with.

I've battled depression for years, and have been doing really well for a couple of years. I got therapy and other stuff for the rape, but it always hits me like a tonne of bricks at this time of year so to have this other stuff on top of it all is really getting me down.

I've lost friends due to sides being taken over the boyfriend/friend debacle as I cut contact with her.

I can feel myself slipping back into depression and it scares me because that hasn't happened for a few years.

Im just wondering what I can do bar going back to therapy or distraction? Distraction isn't really working. If I get any worse I will go back to therapy but for the moment I'd really rather not.

I guess I'm just feeling sorry for myself and would love some tips to help me deal with it all. I've gotten into a horrible feeling of blaming myself for everything and am feeling pretty worthless and useless at the moment.

I'm trying to distract myself and i AM keeping myself busy, but it's not helping because my mind is still constantly whirring. I'm not sleeping or eating properly because I'm so stressed out and I feel so sick.

I absolutely will seek medical advice/treatment if this continues, so I'm not looking for any medical advice here. I'm just looking for any tips, advice, reassurement, anything really.

Thanks.

ABajaninCork

That's a hell of a lot of stuff to deal with. I feel for you. No wonder you're struggling to cope...

But it's too much to deal with alone. I really think you should at least speak to your GP or go back to your counsellor to get some coping strategies in place. It won't be permanent, but just to get you over the hump, so's to speak.

I wish you strength and luck. Sorry I can't be more helpful.

pharmaton

Prevention is better than a cure. This is the best time to go see a counsellor op, your frame of mind is strong enough to know that you need to do something to keep you buoyant and will possibly offer you the distraction you need too. Best of luck

December2012

I think you know what to do - you know you should go and talk to a counsellor or therapist.

There's no shame in it.

A lot of people have difficulty around anniversaries of trauma, while recovered from the trauma.

Do it OP, be kind to yourself.

LegacyUser

sunflower27 wrote: »

Sorry to hear what you are going through.

Please try and rationalise things - none of it is 'your fault' - you did not ask to lose your job, or your ex to cheat or your friend's illness. It is all a part of life that has unfortunately all happened in a short period of time.

I am curious as to why you don't want to go to counselling when you are struggling. Are you uncomfortable talking about hurtful/difficult things?

Have you ever tried meditation? Do you exercise much, read positive self-help books? Any of these things could help you (I have recently started doing meditation and love it).

You have had a lot going on, so be kind to yourself. You will get through this difficult time. xxx

Hi, OP here. Thanks for all of the replies, everyone. It means a lot.

To be honest I don't really want to go back to counselling for two reasons. One is exactly as you put it, I'm very, very uncomfortable talking about things that upset me. My last counsellor (I saw her for over a year) found it very strange that I pretty much never cry. She actually tried to teach me ways to cry, but they didn't work. I get upset, but the tears don't come, and I don't want someone to try to teach me to cry again. I find it really uncomfortable talking about anything upsetting. The other reason, as disgusted as I am with myself for admitting it, is shame. I know full well that being mentally ill is not shameful and that there should be no stigma attached to it. I also know my attitude of being ashamed just adds to the stigma that there still is associated with mental illness. But I faced so much questioning from family the last time. At the time, I was unemployed, and my father paid for my therapy, and my mother took it upon herself to tell all of my extended family. The looks, questions and 'pity' I was given were horrible. I also found out a short time ago that several of my relatives were calling me 'crazy,' 'unhinged' and several other nasty things in relation to when I was quite ill. I'm scared of that happening again.

I exercise a lot, I work out for at least 10 hours per week, I read a lot, I meditate, I do yoga, so basically all the good stuff! I'm doing all the right things (bar medical treatment, as is obvious from my post!), but they're not working.


Incidentally, my mother and my sister both pulled me aside separately just yesterday and said that I haven't been myself for a few months. They said that I seem to be very down, and that they've noticed me go rapidly downhill in recent weeks. They both suggested I talk to my doctor, with my mother going so far as to offering to pay for it and for any treatment I might need, in case money was a factor in me not seeking help.

I ended up admitting that I don't feel well, I feel pretty awful actually, but still couldn't bring myself to accept help.

I'm at least contemplating the idea, but right now I don't seem to be able to bring myself to seek the help that I know I more than likely need.

So, I've agreed to give it one month. If I'm not feeling any better by then, I'll be going to speak to my GP about sorting out a treatment plan.

Thanks for your kind words, everyone.

pharmaton

It's unfortunate but I can relate to where you're coming from and it's easy to say your family and friends should be more understanding or that those around you should be able to recognise why you are feeling this way but it's irrelevant, the likleyhood is that they are unable to. Maybe it would help for you to think of counselling like an nct, keeping check on things regularly will help keep things running smoothly. You can locate one privately and there is no obligation to continue with follow ups, one or two visits might be all that's required. It's just an emotional vent.

I was in a similar situation not too long ago, I was working in an environment where there were a lot of triggers, I couldn't move away from it as it was part of my job, I knew I was in a position where others wouldn't be able to understand but I also knew that I wouldn't allow it control me (and it was). The environment did get worse but I had taken the time to talk with someone before the final punch was thrown so I managed to somehow stay standing upright and less affected in the aftermath.

Given the circumstances this is the only thing you can control. If you feel you can manage things yourself, expending energy through physical workout is great, try locating some inspiring/related reading material, get rid of stuff-have a big clean out, it's theraputic! (I practically remodeled the entire house) take on a project that you can grow with and most of all give yourself as much time as you need and be gentle with yourself.