Can't seem to establish a routine

LegacyUser

Hey guys, regular going anon.

Basically the problem is I'm having real trouble with sleep and routine in my life. I have a stressful job but my work hours are pretty regular (9-5). I live alone and have a lot of sleep problems. I have sleep anxiety (worrying about not getting enough etc.), I also have restless leg problems and I have even experienced sleep apnea a number of times (doctor reckons its anxiety related).

I don't quite know how to sum up my problem because there are many little problems. I grind my teeth heavily at night resulting in issues with TMJ, leading to headaches. I've just reached the point where I'm not motivated for anything anymore. Not even things I'd usually enjoy. I just end up browsing the net or watching mind numbing television.

I think it stems from the fact that I don't have a routine. I fall asleep at a different time every night (usually between 2 and 3, sometimes 1am, sometimes 10pm and then waking up periodically). I wake up at 7.30am generally for work. But due to the sleep problems, and to be honest my own stupidity, sometimes I sleep late. Then I get stuck in a cycle of feeling guilty about missing an hour or two of work. I should clarify, its not a 'job' per se, I'm a full time student (PhD) and my supervisors insist I am in from 9-5, it doesnt matter if I arrive at 10 and stay til 6. If I'm not there at 9 I'll get an earful. This is also a source of anxiety.

I guess you could say I hate my work. Not the work itself but the environment. This is a major source of anxiety for me. But I need to suck it up and get through it. Problem is because I hate where I work I suppose in a way I exacerbate my current situation. I think sometimes I'm subconsciously keeping myself awake at night because I don't want to wake up and have to go to work. I also accept the offer of a midweek pint (or 5) far too often and am too hungover to get into work on time. This has resulted in my supervisors telling me more than once that its not good enough. Theres no real way that they can discipline me, but it does exacerbate my feelings of guilt and anxiety.

I just need to establish a routine of getting up at a certain time every day and doing things the same way each day, I think I need that stability. I have tried numerous times lately but I just keep slipping back into this chaos. When I say I dont have routine, I mean even when it comes to meal times, when I study, etc.

I'm sorry if thats incomprehensible but I'm really quite confused and tired.

LilyCampbell

Hello there!

Wow you have yourself in a tangle alright!! I'm not sure where to start other than I have been exactly were u are and I somehow managed to get out of it... Hopefully I can help or give advice! So you are a full time student who works full time as part of ur phd and your starting to hate we're u are working which is making you worse! You mentioned a few times about anxiety issues, not being smart here but did ur doctor diagnose you with this or was it a self diagnosis?? With the sleep thing, you need to try sort it I believe when u have a proper sleep things night not be as bad and u can deal with things better the next day!! What I did wen I couldn't sleep was I went to my gp and he gave me tablets to help me sleep, but after a while using them we started to lessen the dose so I got more into a natural routine!! There is so much I can talk about with all of this I don't even know wer to begin with ya but I think to get the ball rolling go to ur go and take it from there!! Try writing things down aswel like why are you so annoyed or irritated with your work try find your stressor or what every it is and if this makes sense break it all down and see how u can deal with it better!!

Sorry for any bad grammar mis spellings just there is so much I don't k ow wer to start but I can definitely answer anything u ask about this or shed some light or just give u and idea!!

Hope this helps for now! Let me know I'd you have any more questions lily

iusedtoknow

I am a pretty bad/light sleeper. What doesn't help is that I have a regular job with normal hours, my wife is currently finishing work at 2 or 3 am. However I found that winding down helps. Decaf tea and a book, dim enough lights. No screens (laptop, ipad etc - the type of screen they use is counter productive for sleep, also it fools your brain into thinking it is daytime)

You can use various sites/apps to figure out your best time to go to bed and how long you need. I remember a sleep technologist saying to me once that it was a myth people needed 8 hours. Some people need 6 others 10, there is no "normal". Try and get into a relaxed state of mind and fall asleep.

As for being more organized and stable, you need to need to start small. It's stupid but I used to hate hoping on the bus to work and realising that my iPad had run out of power, so I set a routine of every night charging my devices. It was small, but then it meant that on my way to work I was able to read, do a bit of work or whatever and now I do it without even thinking about it.

Find some things you want to make into a routine, something small and stick to it for 30 days, it takes around that long for something to become a habit. From there it'll be easier to add more and more to this. Also peruse sites like lifehacker.com etc, it often gives great (and sometimes not so great) tips on life in general

ongarite

What is your routine before you go to sleep?
Are you staring at your laptop or phone on the internet right before you go to bed?
If so this can cause you not to produce melatonin, which can cause insomnia and poor sleep.

If you insist on using laptop before bed, try a program called f.lux, which changes the colour temperature of your screen to a warm hue that is easy on your eye and will not stop you producing melatonin.

LegacyUser

Firstly, thanks for taking the time to respond.

The sleep problems I have been to a counsellor over and to be honest it didnt achieve much. I generally read before I sleep or else I'll turn off the lights and listen to an audiobook (which sometimes puts me right to sleep). I have been prescribed sleeping pills but I hate taking them. It doesnt feel like proper sleep. I wake up feeling like I've slept but I havent rested if you get me. Plus they make me drowsy in the morning. I've tried two different types. To answer your question Lillycampbell, the doctor did diagnose me with anxiety issues and put me on anti-anxiety medication. I took it for a month and stopped because I wasnt feeling any different and it was making me yawn a lot. To be honest I have an aversion to pill popping so if I can avoid it through therapy or something I'd rather go that route.

iusedtoknow, thanks for your advice. I think this is something I might look into. Just changing one thing at a time.. I keep thinking to myself that I'll get up tomorrow and have a great routine and I think I'm trying to change so much that maybe its overwhelming and I'm not getting anywhere. Don't know where I'll start though.

I dont really have a routine before I sleep. Thats the issue! When my boyfriend stays over (2 nights a week usually) he insists on watching netflix in the bedroom until he falls asleep, thats just how he sleeps. Usually it doesnt bother me too much. When hes not here sometimes I read, sometimes I watch netflix, listen to audiotape. Or the worst thing I do is probably browse stuff on my phone. I can see why that keeps me up but theres that little part of me that doesnt want to have to wake up and face my co-workers so its like I prolong my sleep.

sporina

is it your work environment you hate or your phD? You are talking about the symptoms of a problem as oppose to the problem.. what is THEE problem, really?

Merkin

You need to stop drinking during the week.Boozing heavily really won't help your anxiety or sleep issue so cutting it out will make a massive difference.

LegacyUser

I hate my work environment, and my direct superiors are very difficult to work with. The work itself is grand.

I know I should probably cut back on drinking. But sometimes I get so stressed out from work I just can't help myself. I know I should stop and its something I've been thinking about for a while.

Merkin

It's not something you need to do permanently but why not do it for a fortnight or a month and see what effect it has on your mental health and sleep patterns. It's easy to take comfort in a wine bottle when stressed but it genuinely does exacerbate problems.I think if you knock it on the head for a while your problems will right themselves quite quickly.

Big Bag of Chips

Just another small bit of advice that might ease one part of your night... And I'm not crazy.... Really!

For your restless legs, try a bar of soap, down at your feet, under your bottom sheet.

I swear I'm not cracked! I suffered with it during pregnancy. Didn't even realise what it was, just couldn't get comfortable in bed. A woman I worked with asked me in passing if I had "restless legs" at night, and suggested a bar of soap under the sheet....

It worked!