Feel my youth is passing me by

LegacyUser

Hi,
Sorry for the long and disjoint post. My thoughts are a bit scattered at the moment. I've pretty much just realized that I'm not that young anymore and I haven't done the things I want to do. I'm going 27 in two months, I know it's not an old age but I am starting to see 30 approaching and am a little worried that I've missed out on the freedom you have during your 20s.

I'm an anxious person and I find it hard to meet new people. I'm working on this and have made progress but I can't see myself making any massive changes and being able to do all the things I want but am too nervous to do. I'm about to finish a PhD which I feel is a good achievement academically but I have sacrificed on my social life to do so.

I just attended a friend's wedding and saw that all his sisters mates are settling down. They're only three years older than me and I noticed that they have all done their travelling and most have long term partners. It was a real shock for me. When I started my PhD I felt so young. Now, after four years of working my ass off and not enjoying life, it has finally hit me and I really feel gutted that I haven't enjoyed myself more over the last few years. I should have traveled every chance I had.

My family are now trying to encourage me to get into industry but I just want to travel for a year or two. Is 27 a bit old for this or am I just being my usual nervous self :P ? I have savings and would like to travel for a while and then maybe work abroad it IT.

I also think that I need to go travelling alone to overcome my social anxiety issues. I usually have a friend around to hang out with so rarely have to make conversation with new people on my own. I think if I travel on my own I'll be forced into this position and may gain some confidence in this regard. I've waited far too long to address this.

There's a fair bit more to my story but I could probably write a book on it so will spare you all the details. Thanks for reading and I'd appreciate any advice you may have.

happyviolet

getting_older wrote: »

Hi,
Sorry for the long and disjoint post. My thoughts are a bit scattered at the moment. I've pretty much just realized that I'm not that young anymore and I haven't done the things I want to do. I'm going 27 in two months, I know it's not an old age but I am starting to see 30 approaching and am a little worried that I've missed out on the freedom you have during your 20s.

I'm an anxious person and I find it hard to meet new people. I'm working on this and have made progress but I can't see myself making any massive changes and being able to do all the things I want but am too nervous to do. I'm about to finish a PhD which I feel is a good achievement academically but I have sacrificed on my social life to do so.

I just attended a friend's wedding and saw that all his sisters mates are settling down. They're only three years older than me and I noticed that they have all done their travelling and most have long term partners. It was a real shock for me. When I started my PhD I felt so young. Now, after four years of working my ass off and not enjoying life, it has finally hit me and I really feel gutted that I haven't enjoyed myself more over the last few years. I should have traveled every chance I had.

My family are now trying to encourage me to get into industry but I just want to travel for a year or two. Is 27 a bit old for this or am I just being my usual nervous self :P ? I have savings and would like to travel for a while and then maybe work abroad it IT.

I also think that I need to go travelling alone to overcome my social anxiety issues. I usually have a friend around to hang out with so rarely have to make conversation with new people on my own. I think if I travel on my own I'll be forced into this position and may gain some confidence in this regard. I've waited far too long to address this.

There's a fair bit more to my story but I could probably write a book on it so will spare you all the details. Thanks for reading and I'd appreciate any advice you may have.

I don't see why you shouldn't. Your 27, that to me is still young and you shouldn't be put off by age restriction. That's one of the things I dislike about society that they say you should do everything in life while you are around your early twenties or something, like travelling. But what exciting things would you look forward to then for the next 30 years or so if you just did everything you possibly could while you were in college?

I'd say go travelling, man. You never know you could meet new people, make new friends and maybe even meet a long term partner.

December2012

Travelling is appealing to you now, so do it! You've worked hard. Once you start getting into the settling down / kids life you won't be able to do it for another few decades so do it now, and good luck.

RabbleRouser2k

I know plenty of people in their twenties and 30's who are travelling around the world. I know more in their 40's and 50's who are doing the same. My cousin is in her 30's and she packed in the job and headed off travelling again.
(She never went to college, studied and qualified as a hairdresser instead.)
Stop thinking about age and focus more on life. And this comes from someone who is an anxious worrier.

I hope to go travelling in the future. Maybe meet someone in terms of romance, hopefully, but all this depends on whether I actually get the money to do so.

seamus

27 is definitely not too old for it. In fact, travelling when you're that bit older, wiser and more discerning is arguably preferable over being a naive 22 year old off around the world.

Do it. If you go get a job, you'll end up in 2 years' time with a pile of responsibilities which block you from travelling. And you'll kick yourself that you didn't travel when you had the chance. You will never regret delaying a job by two years.
If you don't have the money, borrow it. Life's too short to put off big experiences because you prefer to save.

In terms of travelling to overcome social anxiety; travelling alone is hard. Super hard. Unless you're accustomed to it, or you're the kind of person who can walk into a pub knowing nobody and end the night chatting to five new friends at the bar, you will probably find yourself very isolated. The dream is probably that without the constraints of home, you will be a different person, free of inhibtions, and chatting up a storm, but this usually doesn't pan out in reality. You will still be you. And even us introverts enjoy the home comforts and the company of friends and family, so you will find yourself lonely for home.

What a lot of people do is go with one other companion, for the first 4-6 weeks. This is the difficult hump, where you will yearn most for home. Going with a group as you quite rightly point out can prevent you from mixing and meeting new people. But going just two (or even 3) of you, will force you to socialise with new people, but without the crazy pressure of being on your own.
And your companion doesn't necessarily need to be a good friend, maybe just someone you know. Failing that, there are backpacker travel agencies who can arrange for you to stay in very traveller-friendly places, where everyone is in the same boat. So you're not arriving in a town and trying to mix with locals, instead you're brought to bars and beaches that are filled with people just like you; fresh off the plane, knowing no-one and eager to socialise.

I have friends who've made lots of really good friends of various nationalities in some random town in the middle of nowhere, where all the travellers congregated. Hell, my best mate met his Japanese wife at a BBQ on the side of the road in Goa.

LegacyUser

Thanks guys. I reread my post last night before anyone replied and it was pretty clear to me that travelling is the best option. Funny how things are clearer when you write them down. I was glad that you guys had similar advice.

I've decided that I'm going to travel in Asia after the PhD and maybe try and work abroad afterwards. Over the last few years my anxiety has improved a lot and I think I'd be well able for travelling alone. Getting very excited about this now can cant focus on finishing the PhD :P but I'll manage.
Thanks for the advice,
Dave

Nymeria

Hi OP, I'm glad you have made a decision to travel and give yourself some space for a while before you dive head on into some big life decisions.

I have traveled a few times (SE Asia is wonderful, I'm sure you will love it), on my own and with people and it's a great thing to do if you feel stuck in a rut. Take yourself out of your comfort zone and you never know what will happen.

Just one thing I wanted to say about what you mentioned with everyone at the wedding being settled down etc... I understand (I'm 28) the feeling of being the only one in a group who is not in a big relationship, hasn't got a house, a big career etc. It can sometimes feel as though everyone else has got things figured out, and I am still a kid playing at being a grown up.

There does seems to be a sort of life script...mid twenties - go to college, late twenties, get married, early thirties - have babies. Not that there is anything wrong with that per se, but only if that is what you actually want, and not just what you feel you 'should' be doing.

What I mean is, don't worry so much what other people are doing, and whether you are doing the right thing at the right time - just do what makes you happy.

I think you will find that actually many of those who seem so settled and sorted in their lives would love to still have the freedom to take off around the world for adventures if they could.

I wish you the best on your travels.

iwantmydinner

Great stuff OP, I was just about to tell you to head away off and enjoy travelling when I saw your last post. Fair play to you! You will love it and to be honest, you won't actually be alone for much of it. Fellow travellers are all hours matching up for various legs of journeys, etc. Asia's a great place to head to because of the sheer number of other backpackers that'll be on a similar vibe as yourself.

Do what makes you happy!

Podgers

Hi OP,

Good to see your response and your decision on what to do.

Its very easy to get wrapped up in seeing what everyone else your age is doing. we all seem to fall into the notion "well at this age i should be doing this and at this age i will be doing that". The thing is everyone is different and were not all supposed to be doing the same thing.

Every person i have talked to about my decision to pack in my job, rent out my house and to go travel all have said they would love to do it. either they are married, have commitments here or simply they feel they are too old, and im talking in the 50's or so. which even at that i have a relation that decided to travel in his late 40s, he is now 60 and has got married, so i guess its never too late

You are in a great position, you got a clear canvas and you can now create whatever life you want.

Isn't it great that you now have realised now, rather than years down the road? Not too forget what you have achived the past few years, that will stand to you. I wish you well on your travels