Is every guys fantasy the skanky look?

silysally111

Maybe this problem is a little trivial, but its still wrecking my head.

My bf isn’t the most sexually adventurous, I am. We have what I sometimes find boring sex. I pushed him on it the other night and made him tell me something that would be a fantasy for him. He said that he would be turned on by slu*ty gear, little skirts and low cut tops. All grand. Then he said he wanted me to load on trampy make up and wear big hoopy earrings. I was a bit shocked by that – is he turned on by this skanky look?! I said this to him and he said this is every guys fantasy – is it? And then it started me thinking, is this why he isn’t overly adventurous, I don’t turn him on enough? I said this to me and he said he didn’t really want dirty sex with me, he just wanted to make love with me. This doesn’t sound like a bad thing but I cant get it out of my head that I just don’t do it for him.

Please be harsh and tell me if I am over reacting!!!

judgefudge

Not in my experience anyway. I've come across guys who obviously like skimpy lingerie and slutty heels. I think that's relatively common, but not tarty makeup? I'm sure a lot of guys fantasize about it, but not all of them. Just speaking from my experience.

You've gotta understand that most guys (and girls) have fantasies. It's a fantasy, not reality. It's not something they necessarily want to do every day, because it's a fantasy. I'm sure when he says he wants to make love to you he means it. But everyone has that dirty side that sometimes wants something a little different from time to time.

I'd say that's all it is. Stop getting insecure and paranoid about it. Maybe just indulge his fantasy. You never know, you might love it too!

heretochat

I think the important word here is "fantasy"... And to answer your first question, no not all guys (or girls for that matter) are turned on by the same things.. What is one person's kink just does not do it for another.. I would not read too much into it as he has made it clear that he sees sex with you as a loving thing which is healthy..

Also it is a positive that you have a relationship that is open in discussions about sex.. A lot of times partners feel they can't talk about these things and this can lead to its own problems..

Rule of thumb for me.. always talk these things out but know your own boundaries and what you are comfortable with (and share these).. A loving partner will know not to push these boundaries once established.

3DataModem

Congratulations, you asked him to open up and he did.

This is a wonderful opportunity for you both.

Remember only one of two things is ahead of you;

1. You break up
2. You stay together till one of you dies in six decades or so

If option 2 is on the cards, best be open about what you like.

LegacyUser

So you mention you are "sexually adventurous" yet you are shocked when he tells you his (relatively tame, I must say) fantasy? I mean, it could have been something far worse than dressing up a bit?
You should really try to distinguish between sexual fantasy and reality here. It's great that he was upfront enough to tell you about his fantasy, but you shouldn't be taking it the wrong way (that he doesn't fancy you etc).

fungun

You are over reacting

You started communicating with him on this - you have to decide how far to push it! Couples imo typically find a balance between openness and comfort. Some prefer not to talk about stuff like this and just keep it to themselves. Leads to comfortable but maybe slightly boring sex (or always 'making love' as he says). Some prefer to talk about fantasies etc to try to keep things a bit spicier....Im like this too. But if you go down the latter path, you have to accept that what you hear you may not like and you have to be able to deal with it maturely.

He has stated a 'type' that he has a fantasy of. This is just the same as you saying you have a 'James Bond' fantasy. That doesnt mean he doesnt do it for you cos he isnt all Daniel Craig - its just a notional fantasy.

Zen65

silysally111 wrote: »

I said this to him and he said this is every guys fantasy – is it?

No, but almost every guy has a fantasy and most would be far racier than this one. It seems to me he's just exploring / craving some variety, in the same way that people who love ice-cream need to try a variety of flavours even if they will always find a good vanilla is best in the long run.

You should not worry about it. The fact that he shared it with you is healthy. If you are happy to fulfil his fantasy that's a good thing . . . but you should share your ideas with him also. His ideas will undoubtedly change over time, an he may acquire a taste for something more risqué, but if he shares it with you, and sees you in the fantasy, that's a very positive thing.

Be at peace,

Z


PS: Jimmy Carr tells a story of when he told his girlfriend that he was hoping for a threesome and she seemed OK with it. . . until he mentioned that she was not either of them. Shared fantasies which involve only the two of you are probably all good (assuming no pain is involved).

ManOfMystery

I think you need to go easy on your boyfriend here OP. By your own admission, you don't find him sexually adventurous - so you pushed him to tell you a fantasy. And now that he did, you feel insecure?

A fantasy is just that - it's simulated. It's not reality. It's something which we may not necessarily be comfortable with 24/7 in our daily lives, but something which can be a treat if we feel like indulging ourselves now and again.

A man likes his wife to wear a schoolgirl outfit once in a blue moon? That doesn't mean he's a peadophile. A man wants his wife to wear PVC once in a blue moon? That doesn't mean he's obsessed with bondage. And in the same vein, your boyfriend's desire for you to wear slutty clothing doesn't mean that he is only interested in chavvy or skanky looking girls. It's something different from the norm, that's all - variety is the spice of life and all that.

I'm sure you have fantasies too and they don't always involve your boyfriend being dressed in a T-Shirt and jeans or whatever he wears on a daily basis. That doesn't mean you'd change everything about him tomorrow, does it?

fatguy

It's not every man's fantasy. He might be one of the first men you've talked about these sort of things in detail with, but despite what he may claim, he doesn't speak for all of us.

Yellow121

My fantasy is for the woman to dress up as a vet that's going to the farm. She has the wellies on, the waterproof gear, elasticy gloves, a hat and short sleeved top because I have to be able to see her elbows, I love elbows.

killer kilbane

no hate it

December2012

Right, personally I love when my very loving husband and I discuss the dirtier, "seedier" type of sex. I love for him to think of me that way, because it is a change from how I normally am, (stay at home parent).

He has the ultimate respect for me so when he talks dirty to me it's a turn on.

If he was to call me a slut during the day, in a row, or if I was being mistreated, I would hate it. In bed, I love it.

Because the trust is there and we know what it is.

In a loving relationship, the parties don't want to have sex with a random person who fits the bill, they want to have sex sometimes with the person they love dressed in a costume.

That's all it is.

If I've a fantasy about firemen I'm not going to go have sex with a fireman - ill ask hubby to do something.

Communication and trust is the key.

Give it a try - you might like it.

Skuxx

Personally speaking, as a young male, I could think of nothing worse then having sex with a person dressed up like that! So it's definetly not every mans dream! But if that's what your boyfriend likes, and if your comfortable to do it for him then fair play to you both!

Taltos

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Thanks
Padraig

OP, I don't think you're as sexually adventurous as you might think if you get offended/put off by something as "vanilla" as dressing up like a skank, as you put it. Here's the thing; not every guy likes that look. Some do, some don't. Your boyfriend is one of those guys that do. You asked him about his fantasy, he told you. There's nothing wrong with not liking it, but there's little or no point in being shocked by it. You asked, you got an answer.

As for your boring sex life; there's so many ways to make sex more interesting - try different positions, or if there's a position you like, try to adjust it; you'd be amazed what the simple lifting of a leg, arching of the back, or anything like that. There are countless websites out there that offer tips for both men and women on how to improve their sex lives. Introduce other elements, like sex toys (for you and he), roleplay, and other aspects.

If he says no to these and you're not satisfied enough, then maybe look elsewhere? Yes, sex isn't everything in a relationship, but it is a pretty damn big part of it.

StudentDad

Hi OP,

Here's my tuppence worth. Make it lighthearted and gently explore what both of you like or like dislike. One question should lead into the next. Don't be afraid to say, 'no, not my thing thanks.' In the same vein don't be afraid to say, 'yes that sounds like fun.'

The key word here is 'fun.'

The last thing you want him to feel (or you for that matter) is if his sexual preferences are on trial. He may feel shy about certain things.

He may just want to 'keep it simple' so to speak because he's just a: never considered anything beyond keeping it simple or b: he may feel a little threatened by 'other options' - what those options are are for you and him to work out.

Like I said though the key thing is 'fun'

SD

Blisterman

I'm sure when he said "every guy's fantasy" he meant it in a light hearted manner. Obviously everyone has different fantasies, and I'm sure he's aware of that basic fact.

And honestly, unless he's particularly charitable, he wouldn't be going out with you if you didn't turn him on.