Awkward feeling between my boss and me :(

stop animal cruelty

So I started my current job about 3 months ago, everythings going fine expect for the way I am around my boss...basically I had a big crush on him before I started my job. He use to work in a bar in town, and I use to always look out for him to see if he was working. Then I started my new job, next thing I knew this guy would be my boss in the dept I work in

He is such a lovely guy, really really nice which attracted me even more to him. Whenever he would craic a joke or just general chit chat, I could never really say anything back only something like "oya haha" never quick enough to think of something. In the last few weeks I'v started to notice he doesnt really say much now, he would walk away when its just me and him standing around..basically Iv felt he feels awkward now when its just me and him, like he doesnt know what to say...because I just can't talk to him like everyone else!!

Tonight is 1 of many examples... we both said this at the same time (not real names"

him" Hi mary howr you?" me "Hi jack howr you?" (both at the same time)

"not too bad" me and him at the same time...none of us said anything after that

Iv also noticed sometimes he starts smiling sometimes when he might need to say something to me..like as if hes thinking "oh god this is kinda awkward".

I know another girl at work likes him too, and I think he likes her aswell...I dont really care that he does, now that I think that, I dont like him as much...but its just this awkwardness thats around the 2 of us...I'm really embarressed about it I have social anxiety but I'm not as bad as I use to be, more relaxed at work now..and hes such a peoples person..I'm embarressed that I cant talk to this guy who everyone at work loves and gets on great with...

help

Czarcasm

Could it be OP that you might be reading too much into the situation and then overthinking it, leading you to become inadvertently awkward around this guy and maybe he's misinterpreting the vibes you're giving off as him making you feel uncomfortable around him?

He's probably not sure himself how to approach you or how to interact with you the same way he interacts with other people. I'm really not sure there's anything much you can do about this, only to work on building up your own confidence so you can be more assertive and less nervous around this guy.

nikpmup

He's your boss - apart from professional courtesy and manners, you don't really need to be super-friendly! My boss is very socially awkward (or maybe he's just a grumpy yoke!) and apart from saying good morning to him, I rarely chit-chat to him - I exchange whatever information I need to with him during the course of the day, and that's about it! I would suggest you put it out of your mind, be pleasant and courteous and professional, and after that, don't worry about it.

stop animal cruelty

nikpmup wrote: »

He's your boss - apart from professional courtesy and manners, you don't really need to be super-friendly! My boss is very socially awkward (or maybe he's just a grumpy yoke!) and apart from saying good morning to him, I rarely chit-chat to him - I exchange whatever information I need to with him during the course of the day, and that's about it! I would suggest you put it out of your mind, be pleasant and courteous and professional, and after that, don't worry about it.

see I am being pleasant and professional, but hes only a year older than me...like he has the banter with everyone in our dept...as in talking away like a group of friends...I just wish I was able to talk away like that but just cant, we see eachother almost everyday, I feel that by now we should be able to talk away to eachother like everyone else, esp when we're the same age

stop animal cruelty

stop animal cruelty wrote: »

I had a big crush on him before I started my job ... Then I started my new job ... He is such a lovely guy, really really nice which attracted me even more to him. Whenever he would craic a joke or just general chit chat, I could never really say anything back only something like "oya haha" never quick enough to think of something.

It could be that he's realised (by your behaviour) that you are attracted to him so is (quite rightly) keeping his distance.

stop animal cruelty wrote: »

I feel that by now we should be able to talk away to each other like everyone else

I don't think you can expect to be able to "talk away like everyone else" since, presumably, everyone else doesn't have a crush on him.

If you're no longer attracted to him, great! Give it time, you're only new and there's plenty of time to build up a more amicable relationship.

However, if you are still attracted to him, you should maintain your distance until you get past these feelings!

stop animal cruelty

[QUOTE=Deleted User;85973273]It could be that he's realised (by your behaviour) that you are attracted to him so is (quite rightly) keeping his distance.



I don't think you can expect to be able to "talk away like everyone else" since, presumably, everyone else doesn't have a crush on him.

If you're no longer attracted to him, great! Give it time, you're only new and there's plenty of time to build up a more amicable relationship.

However, if you are still attracted to him, you should maintain your distance until you get past these feelings![/QUOTE]

thats exactley what I was thinking last night

stop animal cruelty

stop animal cruelty wrote: »

thats exactley what I was thinking last night

That he realised you fancy him? I'm not sure from your post. Do you still fancy him?

stop animal cruelty

Deleted User wrote: »

That he realised you fancy him? I'm not sure from your post. Do you still fancy him?

sorry meant to bold some of your text, I was thinking that he does reckon I have a crush on him...I don't really anymore, I just think hes a lovely guy..

Stavro Mueller

On a handful of occasions in my own life I've met people who I just never got beyond the feeling awkward stage with. I didn't fancy them or anything like that - it just happened that for some unknown reason we never clicked and conversation never flowed. Maybe that is what has happened here? You're making the issue worse in your own head because you want to be friends/friendly. Then there's the issue that you may or may not fancy him. Or that you've put him on a pedestal.

Maybe you should take a step back from this situation. Remind yourself that it's a workplace you're in, not a social situation. Accept that you and him are never going to connect in the same way that your colleagues will. Be polite, do your job and don't try to be friends.

nikpmup

stop animal cruelty wrote: »

see I am being pleasant and professional, but hes only a year older than me...like he has the banter with everyone in our dept...as in talking away like a group of friends...I just wish I was able to talk away like that but just cant, we see eachother almost everyday, I feel that by now we should be able to talk away to eachother like everyone else, esp when we're the same age

Seriously, don't worry about it. My boss is my age too, but I don't feel the need to be his mate, I work for him, that's it. I've very little in common with him, and while others in my job chat and joke with him and engage in banter, I don't - I'm not rude or unfriendly, just not his buddy. If you are pleasant and courteous, that's all you need to be.

seamus

Yeah, definitely wouldn't read too much into it. The "awkwardness" you're feeling appears to be the fact that neither of you have much to say to eachother - i.e. you don't share anything in common or you don't know enough about eachother to have a conversation.
It's unlikely to be anything more than that. Chances are he sees you as quiet and shy, perhaps even aloof, so he knows that trying to make chit-chat will just make things even more awkward, so he leaves it.

If you get on with him professionally - i.e. you can go to him and discuss work without this social awkwardness - then I wouldn't be concerned. As time goes on and you get to know eachother better professionally, there will probably also come some degree of personal friendliness too.

You're also only there 3 months. The first 6-12 months of any new job are fraught with concerns. I know, I'm doing that myself at the moment - am I getting on well enough with colleagues, am I being noticed, Oh sh1t that newbie has been praised by the boss, is he going to overshadow me, blah blah. Focus on doing your work and being courteous and professional. Good personal relationships will develop out of that.

stop animal cruelty

stop animal cruelty wrote: »

sorry meant to bold some of your text, I was thinking that he does reckon I have a crush on him...I don't really anymore, I just think hes a lovely guy..

OK well then just give it time. It's still early days yet and as you're more relaxed around him now it'll be easier, don't worry about it