Child maintenance question ???

Eddieken8

Hi all, my name is Eddie and I've a question about child maintenance and can't find any info online.

A bit of back ground info,,,
I have a little girl aged 12, I split up with her mother six years ago and I've been very lucky to be able to have de little one every wkend and one day during the wk. I was pay €100 a week to the ex for the first 4 years and when times got hard we dropped the amount to €80, I also pay for half of anything that might come up ie birthday/Christmas presents school books. My ex claims single mothers and minds 3 kids for cash during the wk, on her request I've ignored all letter from the social welfare to pay the maintenance to them and continued to pay it to her.

My first question is should I be paying for half of everything on top of the €80 or should it just be the maintenance. ???

My second question is she has threatened me with legal action because in the last few wks I haven't had the money to pay her both, does she have a leg to stand on? I genuinely don't hav it, I have my own mortgage to pay and am up to my neck in debt. Currently she makes more than me and I have de little one for half the week and I have offered to take her more if it helps cos I'm not that busy with work ?

And last question is should I be giving her anything or should I be paying it to the social. My thinking at the time I ignored the letters was that if I gave it to the ex at least my little one would benefit from the money.

angelfire9

Is there a record of the payments you are making or is it all cash in hand?

Eddieken8

angelfire9 wrote: »

Is there a record of the payments you are making or is it all cash in hand?[/

Was paid through the bank for years but for the past 2 years it's kinda been mixed cash one wk money transfer de next.

dharma200

The fact that she minds kids for cash , and the fact you have mentioned it, pretty much means things could get very tricky for her if you and her have a bad falling out over it all. I thnk you really need to sit down and have a real long conversation with each other before it gets nasty.

Eddieken8

dharma200 wrote: »

The fact that she minds kids for cash , and the fact you have mentioned it, pretty much means things could get very tricky for her if you and her have a bad falling out over it all. I thnk you really need to sit down and have a real long conversation with each other before it gets nasty.

Yea that's normally the way we would sort it but not this time, she went to a solicitor on Thursday and said there going to be in touch with me. I don't know much about the legal side of it but to me she is just shooting herself in the foot. If she gets a court order to make me pay, technically shouldn't I be paying it over to the social and not her, were is the sense in that. And would they even make me pay if they seen the debts I've accumulated from unpaid jobs and that

Eddieken8

Eddieken8 wrote: »

Yea that's normally the way we would sort it but not this time, she went to a solicitor on Thursday and said there going to be in touch with me. I don't know much about the legal side of it but to me she is just shooting herself in the foot. If she gets a court order to make me pay, technically shouldn't I be paying it over to the social and not her, were is the sense in that. And would they even make me pay if they seen the debts I've accumulated from unpaid jobs and that

Also jus to mention I've only missed two wks payments and don't have the money to give her towards the school uniform and books (which is nearly €700 )

dharma200

I many sure if debts are taken into account, however her job in the side would definitely come to an end... I think anything you give will be means tested on her welfare, meaning if she gets rent allowance etc it would effect that. You might actually find you are in a better position.... And you will know where you stand, however go and get legal advice straight away, and try to talk to her again, maybe she will see sense. If you are working as little as you say then she might be in for a shock and get a lot less, and also the amounts will be stipulated and not subject to change.

I am in the opposite position, me ex gives me 30 euros a week to pay for his 13 year old son, has given me 30 euros a week for the past eleven years. I wouldn't ask him for anything. I wouldn't take him to court either, it all comes out in the end and kids grow up very quickly.... My ex is in a well paid job, as is his new partner. I couldn't give a flying hoot, and my own partner would go without to make sure my son has everything. Some people are so tight it's nasty. Eighty euros a week soundslike a lot especially if she is receiving welfare, and an untaxed wage.

If your ex is working on the side then she is in a vulnerable position but will bank on you not grassing her up. Things could get very nasty and I really think you have to try and talk sense to her..

dharma200

Ok, I suggest you find that money quick... Half the school uniform and books.... Ask the grandparents or something.. I'd say that's what's got her raging, the whole back to school thing

Eddieken8

dharma200 wrote: »

I many sure if debts are taken into account, however her job in the side would definitely come to an end... I think anything you give will be means tested on her welfare, meaning if she gets rent allowance etc it would effect that. You might actually find you are in a better position.... And you will know where you stand, however go and get legal advice straight away, and try to talk to her again, maybe she will see sense. If you are working as little as you say then she might be in for a shock and get a lot less, and also the amounts will be stipulated and not subject to change.

I am in the opposite position, me ex gives me 30 euros a week to pay for his 13 year old son, has given me 30 euros a week for the past eleven years. I wouldn't ask him for anything. I wouldn't take him to court either, it all comes out in the end and kids grow up very quickly.... My ex is in a well paid job, as is his new partner. I couldn't give a flying hoot, and my own partner would go without to make sure my son has everything. Some people are so tight it's nasty. Eighty euros a week soundslike a lot especially if she is receiving welfare, and an untaxed wage.

If your ex is working on the side then she is in a vulnerable position but will bank on you not grassing her up. Things could get very nasty and I really think you have to try and talk sense to her..

I wouldnt like it to come to that, I've always been quite proud the way we finished things, no major fights or scribbling over money and custody. It's always jus kinda worked until now but maybe that's jus because I've always been a yes man, always given her what she wants. This is the first time I said no and look what happens.

Might sound like a stupid question but were would one go for this kinda legal advise ???

dharma200

I know most citizens advice places have one free consultation with a family lawyer so check that out, there are a few groups online that might give you better advice , maybe have a browse here http://www.citizensinformation.ie/en/birth_family_relationships/ also of you do a boards search a few people have probably been in the same situation , hope that helps

dharma200

Sorry I linked to wrong link http://www.citizensinformation.ie/en/birth_family_relationships/separation_and_divorce/maintenance_orders_and_agreements.html

dharma200

And this http://www.flac.ie/

Stereomaniac

Also, if you know anyone who is in the legal profession, it might not hurt to have a little chat.

Eddieken8

Stereomaniac wrote: »

Also, if you know anyone who is in the legal profession, it might not hurt to have a little chat.

Yea will do, thanks for that.

Eddieken8

dharma200 wrote: »

And this http://www.flac.ie/

Cheers ill check out all of them, thanks for the help

topcatcbr

Eddieken8 wrote: »

Cheers ill check out all of them, thanks for the help

Firstly I wish you all the best.

I think she is cutting off her nose to spite her face.
I was in a similar position 18 months ago. I was brought to court and ended up giving over less than I offered her not to go to court. It's nerve wracking stuff.

If her legal team is anything like the free legal aid my ex got they will encourage her to proceed to court no matter what. I asked for mediation and collaborative law to be considered. Flatly refused and in the end they had nothing prepared for her. No facts or figures to quote. Very poor service IMO but you get what you pay for I suppose.

I think €80 per week plus expenses per child is generous if you genuinely are in financial difficulty.

All your payments should be documented from now on. And if I was you I would decide how much you can now afford and give that EVERY WEEK to her account by bank transfer. I'd suggest a min of €30. I'd also start putting some money aside for legal costs.

You should talk to a good few solicitors (I spoke to 6) and decide who you think would do the best job for you. You shouldn't pay for first consultation. They might try to bill you. Don't be afraid to ask what fees you can expect to incur. The difference can be huge. I was quoted from €25k down. Ended up costing about €8k including vat and barrister. Not too bad considering my solicitors had to travel from Laois to cork.

Try not to get cought up in the furthers for justice crowd. They are a bit like women's lib for men.

Eddieken8

topcatcbr wrote: »

Firstly I wish you all the best.

I think she is cutting off her nose to spite her face.
I was in a similar position 18 months ago. I was brought to court and ended up giving over less than I offered her not to go to court. It's nerve wracking stuff.

If her legal team is anything like the free legal aid my ex got they will encourage her to proceed to court no matter what. I asked for mediation and collaborative law to be considered. Flatly refused and in the end they had nothing prepared for her. No facts or figures to quote. Very poor service IMO but you get what you pay for I suppose.

I think €80 per week plus expenses per child is generous if you genuinely are in financial difficulty.

All your payments should be documented from now on. And if I was you I would decide how much you can now afford and give that EVERY WEEK to her account by bank transfer. I'd suggest a min of €30. I'd also start putting some money aside for legal costs.

You should talk to a good few solicitors (I spoke to 6) and decide who you think would do the best job for you. You shouldn't pay for first consultation. They might try to bill you. Don't be afraid to ask what fees you can expect to incur. The difference can be huge. I was quoted from €25k down. Ended up costing about €8k including vat and barrister. Not too bad considering my solicitors had to travel from Laois to cork.

Try not to get cought up in the furthers for justice crowd. They are a bit like women's lib for men.

Thanks for that, glad to hear your situation got sorted. It's a big move, I'd do anything to stay out of court but I suppose there is no harm in been prepared.
Did it all take long from when she got legal advice to when you ended up in court.
Did the court ask you to pay half of expenses as well as the maintenance? And our things better now between you and the ex, did it make things easier now that its all out on the table.
I'm dropping the munch back this evening and hoping to get a chance to talk to her face to face. I'm going to offer to pay for the books on the credit card and see if she would take a bit less per wk even just until I get myself back on track.

topcatcbr

Eddieken8 wrote: »

Thanks for that, glad to hear your situation got sorted. It's a big move, I'd do anything to stay out of court but I suppose there is no harm in been prepared.
Did it all take long from when she got legal advice to when you ended up in court.
Did the court ask you to pay half of expenses as well as the maintenance? And our things better now between you and the ex, did it make things easier now that its all out on the table.
I'm dropping the munch back this evening and hoping to get a chance to talk to her face to face. I'm going to offer to pay for the books on the credit card and see if she would take a bit less per wk even just until I get myself back on track.

About 14 months. From the time the court proceeding was issued. However that will depend on the court and what part of country your in.

I agreed terms outside the courtroom (this is what normally happens) and went in to get it made a court order. I agreed to pay half of what it costs after her back to school allowance however I am usually more generous than that. I ask her how much she needs and give that.

(You are paying for costs of going to school if the state is also paying then you are making up the difference. She shouldn't profit from it)


Things are much better now. My ex thought by going to court she would be able to bully me and get whatever she likes. She wanted to hurt me. It didn't work out like that and I think it thought her a lesson. Don't forget she will be getting "advise" from all her "friends" who has ever been slighted by a man.

By all means come to an agreement between yourselves but get it written down and signed by both parties. I would suggest mediation. It's better to know exactly where you stand by having a legal agreement. and work from that.