Should i tell her? HELP

dobman88

About two weeks ago I heard of an opportunity to work in America, I applied for the job just to see what would happen when I submitted my CV. I am on the interview list for September and all going well I hope to be offered the job. I have wanted to got to America for a long time but never took the plunge.

How do I tell my girlfriend this or should I even tell her before the interview in case I don't get the job?

We live together, we are both 25 and she says she would never leave Ireland as she would get homesick. We live a 5 minute drive from her parents and she says that is far enough.

I really want to do this instead of wondering "what if" in 30 years. But I don't want to hurt the woman I am crazy about either.

Any help appreciated, thanks.

P. Breathnach

It's make your mind up time. Which is more important to you: your relationship or your wish to go to America?

HalloweenJack

Tell her.

She might reconsider her stance when there's a real possibility of it happening. Does she know you've always wanted to go to America?

But more important, you need to tell her that you've applied for the job so you can both discuss the possibilities of what could happen if you get the job. Better getting that talk out of the way now, than waiting 'til you know if you get the job or not. You have plenty of time to discuss it now. How much time will you have to discuss it if you get offered the job?

Stavro Mueller

Tell her now. As things are, you're already keeping the girl in the dark. As time moves on it's going to get harder to broach the subject with her and there will be more scope for misunderstandings.

CaraMay

Tell her.

mashedbanana

I would tell her, simply because, if you don't get the job now...but do get the same sort of thing in 5 years time, then she would have wasted years in a relationship. If your heart is set on going, it will no doubt eventually happen. Ye need a really good talk, having the same goals, and plans in place is always a good start.

You'll probably always want to go, she'll probably always want to stay.

m'lady

Tell her. She will really resent you for not telling her and giving her time to digest this and perhaps consider going with you- leave it to the last minute and she will think that either you don't want her to go or that you are trying to force her into making a rash decision.

Catari Jaguar

dobman88 wrote: »

she would never leave Ireland as she would get homesick. We live a 5 minute drive from her parents and she says that is far enough.

This would be enough of a deal breaker for me. Serious alarm bells. You'll be suffocated in the future when the grandkids come along and you're so compromised with no possibility of a change of scenery or her having more independence. Eugh.

Go to the States or you will regret it. You're young yet. Live a bit. Plenty more homely Irish cailini around if you decide that you wanna settle down here some day.

judgefudge

If I was in her position I think I'd rather my boyfriend came to me and said "I've seen this job in America I'm really interested in and I've got an interview" rather than "I applied for this job, interviewed, and I've got it". It would just be less of a shock I think, and it means you're including her somewhat in the decision making.

If she's a homebird that's fair enough, but it doesn't make your want to travel any less important. It's a hard decision to make, but from past experiences I think I've learned to focus on what you want from life before putting a relationship first. Realistically, it sounds like you just want different things. If the relationship breaks up in a year or two and you didn't take that opportunity then you'll always regret it. On the other hand, you might go and realise you left somebody that made you happy.

It's a really tricky situation. My advice is to talk it through with her. She'll be more hurt if you go behind her back. Only you can decide what to do after that.

December2012

Communicate with her. She might surprise you.

LegacyUser

My advice is to tell your girlfriend that you have applied for this job and that you will have an interview in September.
She may not like to hear that you have done this now but If you get the job and tell her your going to America then you are putting her in a worse position.
Your girlfriend needs to know what your possible long term plans are - she may be thinking of marriage/babies and living beside Mammy for the rest of her life when your thinking of living and working abroad for the next 5 to 10 years or longer.

I know couples that spent time abroad working and long term it did benefit them career and money wise. In America you won't get the same number of holidays as you get in Ireland so I would not be planning on a long distance relationship.
By telling her now it gives her a chance to think what she wants long term.
If she wants to go to the Usa with you she has time to find out if she could get a visa ect.

Your girlfriend may tell you I want to stay in Ireland and if this happens I would go to America as it will benefit you long term.

heretochat

You have to tell her. It is the very least that she deserves. She needs to be told of anything that may impact on your future together.

Although she may have made comments about not moving away from parents in the past, she could change this position if she wants a future with you and if concrete prospects come from it..

In the final analysis though, if this is something that you really want to do I think you have to go for it irregardless.. If you don't it could fester with you and become a source of arguments and resentment towards your partner down the line.