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Okay,own up.

  • 10-08-2013 12:02AM
    #1
    Closed Accounts Posts: 984 ✭✭✭Hagar the Nice.


    Everyone does something really stupid so own up what's yours?
    Here goes ......
    My sis used to bring her 4 kids to my gran's house every Saturday (I was raised by my grandparents) whilst I went to a local market to sell records and posters.
    I would always make sure there was plenty of food available for them,especially biscuits.
    One particular Saturday I came home to find every biscuit I bought was gone so I decided that I'd hide them ALL the next Saturday,big mistake.
    It was late November and I hid all of the biscuits under my single blanket,it was really cold that evening so at 10 o'clock I shoved on the electric blanket and an hour later headed for my kip.
    Next thing I felt was my legs and feet totally covered in Tunnocks T cakes,Caramel logs,Penguins,Kit Kats and Blue Ribands,
    I shouted 'WTF is going on.'
    Boy,did I feel a right tit that night,never again did I do that,lesson learned.:(


«1

Comments

  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,487 ✭✭✭banquo


    I once ate a load of melted caramel logs and biscuits I found in a bin outside someone's house.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,641 ✭✭✭bgrizzley


    Legs covered in caramel log. Yup, been there...


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,928 ✭✭✭Renegade Mechanic


    Stuck my arse just past my sisters bedroom door and let rip with a merciless cider fart.
    Next day my wardrobe smelled like a Parisian wh*re. Literally couldnt wear anything in it..


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 7,293 ✭✭✭1ZRed


    Nope, never done anything stupid. Ever


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 14,380 ✭✭✭✭Banjo String


    Willy wonka porn


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 3,516 ✭✭✭wazky


    Received oral sex from a cannibal, never again.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 3,043 ✭✭✭MurdyWurdy


    It took me three goes to pass my driving test, back when the waiting list was really long. When I finally passed I was so happy I cut up my provisional licence as a kind of **** you, I don't need you anymore gesture.

    All well and good until I went to apply for my full licence and was told I couldn't get it without giving them my provisional licence. Had to fess up to the guy in the motor tax office what I had done (so embarrassing) and then go the guards and sign a form to say the licence "had been destroyed/lost". When I explained to the guard what had happened he looked at me like I needed to be put in special care and shouldn't be allowed on the roads - not my finest moment!


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 423 ✭✭The Narrator


    "What's all this brown stuff in your bed?"

    "Ehh....chocolate. Yeah...chocolate."


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2,320 ✭✭✭Ace Attorney


    When I was around 7 I got a kinder surprise egg and got a Disney themed prize, it was goofey and I had to assemble him from little bits and pieces, anyway for whatever reason I decided to put the last part of it in my ear and became anxious when I couldnt get it out of my ear, my parents were frightened and I Started to bawl crying, they took me to the doctors and he shined a light in me ear and then he got a water syringe thing and put it in my ear and told me to tilt my head, sure enough the little bit fell out, it was goofeys nose and I picked it up and finshed off my figure, the doctor pissed himself laughing he said it was the first time he had a patient with a nose stuck in his ear


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 3,407 ✭✭✭lkionm


    Asked the gf if she wanted a threesome.


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 233 ✭✭Mary28


    I went through a mad phase of eating toasted sambos cos we got one of those sambo toasting things when they first came out about 30 yrs ago. The instructions said to butter the outside of the bread so it would be nice and crispy so that's what I used to do. Eventually I got sick of them and moved back to normal untoasted sambos. But I kept buttering the outside of the bread cos I got so used to doing it. So I'd be there with my hands destroyed with butter trying to eat the slippery sambo. Took me weeks to cop on and turn the buttered side in.

    Went to bed very drunk with a hot water bottle cos I had a bad cold. Woke up with blisters on my leg which turned into ulcers cos I was so run down. Had to go to the public health nurse to change the dressings every few days cos it was so bad. Water in the bottle was boiling and I was so drunk I didn't feel it burning my leg. Took months to heal and I still have a scar.

    Impaled my foot on the gate at lesson street church taking a shortcut through the church grounds. Was in crutches for a week after.
    Jumped over a wall another time as another shortcut and damaged my foot, crutches for another week and off work.

    No shortage of stupid stories here unfortunately.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 10,076 ✭✭✭✭Czarcasm


    To give this some convext, posted this yesterday in the awkward moments thread:

    Czarcasm wrote: »
    Horribly coincidental really, but having posted this in the trivial annoyances thread-

    Czarcasm wrote: »
    Continuing the urinary theme, when you're on "the baby train", well, that's what it fcuking feels like right now-

    I'm afraid to look up because there's kids everywhere, and I know before the train took off one child had already pissed on his seat.

    I can't move carriages because I'm wedged in beside the window by a rather large lady, normally I wouldn't even mind that, but she's a rather large and aesthetically challenged lady with a temper that could only compete with her stroppy two year old. Two more hours of this....

    Thank fcuk for headphones at least.



    I realised about ten minutes later that I recognised this girl! There was no mistaking that ginger hair that even 20 years later was done in the same pony tail, fringe out front style!

    I went out with her 20 years ago, she's from my home town, and her and her friend here were organising drinks at 6 down the very same pub that 20 years ago we were drinking in!

    I don't think she recognises me. I'll just keep staring into the phone :o


    She was insatiable in bed back then. But fortunately all the kids were too young to possibly be mine. Time hadn't been kind to her either, but that shìt comes back to haunt you! :pac:


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 20,299 ✭✭✭✭MadsL


    lkionm wrote: »
    Asked the gf if she wanted a threesome.

    She asked for the bad kind, right?


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 984 ✭✭✭Hagar the Nice.


    lkionm wrote: »
    Asked the gf if she wanted a threesome.

    So she got two other blokes did she?
















    Just kiddinggggggggg.:)


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 3,407 ✭✭✭lkionm


    MadsL wrote: »
    She asked for the bad kind, right?
    Fortunately no. It just didnt well.


















    I shouldnt have suggested her mother though


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 984 ✭✭✭Hagar the Nice.


    When I was around 7 I got a kinder surprise egg and got a Disney themed prize, it was goofey and I had to assemble him from little bits and pieces, anyway for whatever reason I decided to put the last part of it in my ear and became anxious when I couldnt get it out of my ear, my parents were frightened and I Started to bawl crying, they took me to the doctors and he shined a light in me ear and then he got a water syringe thing and put it in my ear and told me to tilt my head, sure enough the little bit fell out, it was goofeys nose and I picked it up and finshed off my figure, the doctor pissed himself laughing he said it was the first time he had a patient with a nose stuck in his ear
    My cider just went all over the carpet:(

    :)


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 984 ✭✭✭Hagar the Nice.


    Totally forgot the time I was 14 and my gran went to Lourdes with a group of folk from the diocese of Motherwell,my grandad woke me for school before leaving for work at 7.30 am.
    As the were away I thought I'd pass the week by dodging school which I hated,one teacher though hated youngsters missing school,Jimmy McCann was his name,he would give anyone 6 of the belt if he knew they were being fly.
    On the 4th I was off,I happened to look out of the window (we stayed on the 3rd floor) and lo and behold,Jimmy was getting out of his car.
    I was in my Jamma top and jeans so I got an old paper,got a dod of peanut butter,shoved the mince that was left from the day before and then skooshed some lemonade that was on the table over all of it.
    Thankfully for me,Jimmy had a bad leg and walked slowly,so I jumped into bed and Jimmy rapped the door and walked straight in.
    'Aw Tony,Jeezo son yer looking awful,'
    'I feel awful sir,'I replied.
    'Listen Tony,you come back when your fit and able,ok.'
    'Okay sir,thanks.'
    My heart was racing something awful but thankfully I foxed him,at the end of term many of the pupils including me were leaving school and I decided to tell him exactly what happened,his reply is unrepeatable on here but he did let out a wee smile,all the other pupils were in stitches.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 3,648 ✭✭✭Cody Pomeray


    Stuck my arse just past my sisters bedroom door and let rip with a merciless cider fart.
    Next day my wardrobe smelled like a Parisian wh*re. Literally couldnt wear anything in it..
    I'm afraid to ask but... what did your sister do in there:confused:


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 10,076 ✭✭✭✭Czarcasm


    I'm afraid to ask but... what did your sister do in there:confused:


    A Parisian whore? :D


  • Posts: 18,160 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    I had a double whammy of stupid over the last few days. Tripped on a kerb in Drogheda, landed flat on my face. Still have the bruises to prove it. Then yesterday I dropped my phone on the floor tiles in work, nice big crack in the glass to show for it. :(


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  • Posts: 81,310 CMod ✭✭✭✭ Juliette Fluffy Burger


    so I got an old paper,got a dod of peanut butter,shoved the mince that was left from the day before and then skooshed some lemonade that was on the table over all of it.

    I'm unclear what you actually did with this? :confused:


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 30,731 ✭✭✭✭princess-lala


    bluewolf wrote: »
    I'm unclear what you actually did with this? :confused:

    I *think* its supposed to be vomit :eek: I am open to correction though :confused:


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 4,754 ✭✭✭oldyouth


    Christmas Party, free bar, manager's wife, 'nuf said.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,083 ✭✭✭meoklmrk91


    When I was around 9-10-11 I liked nickelback :o, someone knowing this burned a CD for me, I noticed upon opening the case they had written "nickelback" and "silver side up" on the CD, I thought that something must have gone wrong in the burning process and the CD had to be out in upside down to play. When it wouldn't I called my older sister and asked her for help, she then through peels of laughter informed that silver side up was the name of the album.

    So not only did I have terrible taste in a music as a child, I was a also techtarded.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,269 ✭✭✭GalwayGuy2


    Originally Posted by Cody Pomeray viewpost.gif
    I'm afraid to ask but... what did your sister do in thereconfused.png

    I think he meant she sprayed perfume everywhere.

    But, you know, my first thought was that she masturbated in there.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 30,731 ✭✭✭✭princess-lala


    GalwayGuy2 wrote: »
    But, you know, my first thought was that she masturbated in there.
    :eek:


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 10,076 ✭✭✭✭Czarcasm


    How has nobody posted this already? :D




  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 185 ✭✭yellowcrayon


    My story is a little similar to the one on the first page of putting things in places where they dont belong...

    When me and my sister wrote our Xmas letter to Santa every year we would tear out pictures and page numbers from the Argos catalogue and glue them to a piece of paper.

    Once year when i was about 6 we decided to start our letters extra early at the start of November. I went about my business tearing out pictures and page numbers, but then I remembered that Xmas wasn't for another month and a half and was afraid I would lose the bits of catalogue I had torn out.... So I decided to roll them into little balls and shove them up my nose for safe keeping.

    After about 20 mins of having them up my nose I decided to see if I could take them back out. I couldn't...... Cue my poor mother making me sniff pepper for the next hour to make me sneeze them all out.


  • Posts: 18,160 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    meoklmrk91 wrote: »
    When I was around 9-10-11 I liked nickelback :o, someone knowing this burned a CD for me, I noticed upon opening the case they had written "nickelback" and "silver side up" on the CD, I thought that something must have gone wrong in the burning process and the CD had to be out in upside down to play. When it wouldn't I called my older sister and asked her for help, she then through peels of laughter informed that silver side up was the name of the album.

    So not only did I have terrible taste in a music as a child, I was a also techtarded.

    You reminded me of the first time we tried to bring a CD around to some neighbours in Kerry around 1996/97. They had no idea what a CD player was and tried to play it on a turntable! :pac:


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,269 ✭✭✭GalwayGuy2


    Don't judge me LaLa :o

    It was the Parision whore part that threw me. You know...unwashed...a certain smell...

    But then I pretty much instantly thought it was the perfume.


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