I have wasted my life!

LegacyUser

I don’t know where to start on this but I have only just realized that my life is a total shambles! I have been unemployed all of my adult life and only worked 4 weeks in the last 8 years. I am 26 now and with the end of summer I feel another year in my pathetic life is wasted.

I recently returned from Asia as I travel abroad as often as my small funds allow, I live at home with my parents and I just cannot stand my life in its current form anymore. My parents are great but I feel so bad and feel such a burden on them and I just want to be independent and stand on my own two feet. They are always giving me money and from a parental point of view are great but this only makes me feel even worse. I also live in a very rural area where anything worth mentioning is half an hours drive away; I drive but it sucks a lot of my Dole money. Also every single facet of your personal life is village gossip here.

Last year I was forced onto a FAS training course which I half-heartedly attempted as I am just so pessimistic about everything in Ireland. People say I am negative and I agree but having travelled so much that each time I return I just hate Ireland more and more. I have only 1 friend and even then we are more buddies than true deep friends.

I left school at 13 with nothing to my name and I was bullied out of school and since then I cannot learn in a typical classroom type environment. I wanted to be sent to private boarding school but my parents refused because it was Protestant and also because of the cost, instead they had me drugged on anti-depressants despite the litany of abuse I suffered at the time.

I just so want to change my life, earlier this year I joined the gym and lost 3 stone weight as I had my trip to SE Asia booked 6 months in advance and I was literally counting down the hours and minutes to when I would get those glorious five weeks of freedom. I worked myself to the max in the gym and having that infront of me was massive motivation; however since my return I have just fallen into the pits of despair and self-loathing. I am much thinner now but the self-confidence I thought would have came with this new body has failed to materialise.

I have no motivation and spent all this week in bed such is the pain of my life. I want to go abroad permanently but having no education and job makes it impossible, my inability to learn in a traditional method means there is nothing I can do to fix this, last year a shrink told me I have aspergers syndrome which explains a lot of my lack of normality, as I am not your typical type of person. I just want to have a job where I’d be happy and able to earn enough to provide for a wife and be able to have kids and go forward into the future. This is my singular aim in life and I am afraid that unless I win the lottery then this will not happen.

My first aim is just to get out of this country permanently and as soon as the plane leaves the tarmac I feel as if 20 tonnes of bricks have been lifted off my shoulders; returning is just miserable and I hate returning to my life of misery so much.

Idle Passerby

You want to move abroad and find a decent job. I would imagine thats going to be next to impossible without even a secondary school education to your name. You say you cant go back to education because of your different learning style. You're shooting yourself in the foot with this attitude. The reality is you are very under qualified for anything. Unless you can come up with a good entrepreneurial idea or create a job for yourself the only option is to get a better education.

What would you like to do? Would you be interested in learning a trade? What about an apprenticeship? Since you travel so much, what about looking into writing for a travel magazine or looking for work as a tour guide? Maybe you could get some help putting together a CV that paints your travel experience as an asset to the job your looking for.

If you could save or borrow the money what about getting a working holiday visa for somewhere. I'm sure there are plenty of (not very exciting) jobs you could get in a country whose economy isn't in such a bad state and at least you'd be out of this country which seems to be your main goal.

Love2u

too late now! wrote: »

I don’t know where to start on this but I have only just realized that my life is a total shambles! I have been unemployed all of my adult life and only worked 4 weeks in the last 8 years. I am 26 now and with the end of summer I feel another year in my pathetic life is wasted.

I recently returned from Asia as I travel abroad as often as my small funds allow, I live at home with my parents and I just cannot stand my life in its current form anymore. My parents are great but I feel so bad and feel such a burden on them and I just want to be independent and stand on my own two feet. They are always giving me money and from a parental point of view are great but this only makes me feel even worse. I also live in a very rural area where anything worth mentioning is half an hours drive away; I drive but it sucks a lot of my Dole money. Also every single facet of your personal life is village gossip here.

Last year I was forced onto a FAS training course which I half-heartedly attempted as I am just so pessimistic about everything in Ireland. People say I am negative and I agree but having travelled so much that each time I return I just hate Ireland more and more. I have only 1 friend and even then we are more buddies than true deep friends.

I left school at 13 with nothing to my name and I was bullied out of school and since then I cannot learn in a typical classroom type environment. I wanted to be sent to private boarding school but my parents refused because it was Protestant and also because of the cost, instead they had me drugged on anti-depressants despite the litany of abuse I suffered at the time.

I just so want to change my life, earlier this year I joined the gym and lost 3 stone weight as I had my trip to SE Asia booked 6 months in advance and I was literally counting down the hours and minutes to when I would get those glorious five weeks of freedom. I worked myself to the max in the gym and having that infront of me was massive motivation; however since my return I have just fallen into the pits of despair and self-loathing. I am much thinner now but the self-confidence I thought would have came with this new body has failed to materialise.

I have no motivation and spent all this week in bed such is the pain of my life. I want to go abroad permanently but having no education and job makes it impossible, my inability to learn in a traditional method means there is nothing I can do to fix this, last year a shrink told me I have aspergers syndrome which explains a lot of my lack of normality, as I am not your typical type of person. I just want to have a job where I’d be happy and able to earn enough to provide for a wife and be able to have kids and go forward into the future. This is my singular aim in life and I am afraid that unless I win the lottery then this will not happen.

My first aim is just to get out of this country permanently and as soon as the plane leaves the tarmac I feel as if 20 tonnes of bricks have been lifted off my shoulders; returning is just miserable and I hate returning to my life of misery so much.

Your 26, you still have your whole life ahead of you. I would suggest you do some form of study or sign up for a course, it would look good on your CV for potential employers. Do you know family or friends living abroad that could help you out until you get yourself sorted with a job? Can you tell your parents how you are feeling and see if they are in a position to help you. The Internet is good for ideas on possible work available abroad. All the same you need to start putting money aside if you decide you no longer wish to be in Ireland.

Esoteric_

The fact is, you're not going to get a good job without some education. Go to night school to do a leaving cert if you can. Quite simply, you'll have to get used to a learning environment again. It takes some time to get used to it, but you do get used to it in the end.

One thing - are you on the dole? If you are, and you're going on holiday for five weeks at a time, you're defrauding social welfare, as they only allow two weeks of holiday time per year.

dellas1979

People with aspergers (of course, depending on the severity) can learn in a typical learning environment too. You just need to learn some techniques and behaviours to get the best possible outcome. Most people with aspergers can be beyond capable of learning new things. And of course, if you do attend a college, you should be letting the college know this/what needs you have.

If you are able to go abroad and organise all that, typically, as any person would, then you can attend a classroom-based course. Of course, your current view and fear of classroom-based courses are tainted because of your previous experience, but thats nothing to do with aspergers. You were 13 when that happened. You are a grown man now.

There are also online/elearning and distance learning you can do, if you are motivated.

And failing all that, if you loved SE Asia, why not qualify in TEFL and teach over there.

It all boils down to what you want to do, not the fact that you may have (symptoms) of aspergers.

DoozerT6

Something leapt out at me from your post - can I ask how you were allowed to leave school at 13? Surely the Dept of Education would have insisted you be enrolled somewhere, home-schooled, or if not, prosecuted your parents? (Leaving the whole bullying issue out of it, I'm talking legally here). I only mention it as I think your lack of formal qualifications could hold you back from anything worthwhile (with career prospects) that you might try to do.

Personally as stated above, I think you should concentrate on going back to formal education, even studying through Fás or whoever for the Leaving Cert, or your chances of a decent career are very limited. A cousin of mine left school gleefully after his Inter Cert many years ago to work on the family farm (with a view to taking it over in time) and he was DISGUSTED to discover he would have to do a two-year part-time course, with Teagasc I think, in order to do so! So unless you win the Lotto or invent an app, education is key for really everything.

You could of course get a WHV for Australia for a year, but again while you will have a great time, it's only delaying the inevitable return home, as you are very, very unlikely to get sponsorship to stay from a company over there with no qualifications or experience in anything Immigration may be looking for. Sorry to be such a negative nelly

Could you go to a careers counsellor? Would Fás provide this service to you? If you sat down and thought about what you really like doing (art, work with animals, good with figures, interest in computers, architecture...) then pursue that. In the meantime, volunteer somewhere, even if only to fill your time!

PS congrats on the weight loss, that's a great place to start!

LegacyUser

a good kick in the hole is what you need
Cop out after cop out is all i hear.
You have never even started anything for you to even give up on it.
The grass is always greener for you
If you went to boarding school you would have been fine
If you could leave the country you would be fine..
Yes you might have problems but sure so does 90% of the country that is just life its tough

There are no easy answers no simple solutions
If you really want to get out of here then go!
Oz will take you on a working holiday, go out ther work your stones off get sponcered the work twords permanent residencey
Im not saying that path is easy but it can be done so no cop outs there

Challenge yourself!

challange youself for a change you might suprise yourself....

December2012

Aspergers does not prevent you from getting your education.

Have you been formally assessed?

Look at this link to find out about education. http://www.autismireland.ie/about-autism/education/.

Start at the beginning - you need a Junior Cert. then you will need a Leaving Cert.

You have to stop being irresponsible.

Aspergers or autism does not necessarily mean a substandard life - it's just a different method of life.

Your parents seem to be babying you - instead of sorting education for you, they hid you and financially baby you. Maybe they are trying to be helpful, but ignoring the problem won't make it go away.

Did you ever have counselling for the bullying?

noiniho

You haven't really worked during your adult life, what makes you think it will be any different abroad? In reality another country wouldn't want you at the moment, that's a harsh reality. Also in your post you seem to blame other people and circumstances for your current situation. Like that was the one and only school that would have worked for you? demanding that mammy and daddy send me to boarding school... good grief... how did the oter 99% of the country get by? sorry but thats all BS

So this can go one of two ways, you do just as you are doing now and continue to go on about the impossible dream of going abroad for good (if only my parents hadnt drugged me)
Or you can get up off your ass, work for a year no matter what it is (you will have to stick at a menial job), do this job with the ambition of saving and get enough life experience to make it a realistic ambition to live abroad independantely, otherwise continue blaming everyone else.

As an aside, people are saving dole money to go an holidays in Asia now? Great country one more kick in the stones for the working man

surewhoknows

You are monumentally copping out on your responsibility here and a kick in the ass is what you need and deserve.
I know two people who have dont uni degrees with Aspergers, physiotherapy and accountancy. You cannot judge that you cant learn having baled out of school at 13...however you were allowed to do that and your parents not be in trouble for it..the mind boggles.

You have plenty of literacy to type this post, if you articulate yourself to that extent you can get a fetac level 5 qualification.

Getting on a plane is copping out not to mention spending tax payers money on your flights of fancy never having contributed a cent to the coffers.

Yes at 26 you're unemployable and you will continue to be unless you take active responsibility and stop being so easy on yourself and yea that will mean sacrifices and frustration in the short term...that's the price of progress.

- Do a fetac level 4 this year, they will be due to start in September.
- Reward yourself only when you successfully complete it
- Do a fetac level 5 next year
- Move and get on with life

In the event that choose to ignore all of the above then at least do the rest of us a favour and stop taking dole out of our pockets that we actually get up and work for daily.

pwurple

You have a very high level of literacy for someone who dropped out of school at 13 I have to say. Your grammer, spelling and vocabulary is really excellent.

Don't worry about the education, plenty of people have made excellent lives for themselves without an education. Loads of jobs don't need education certificates. Trades, and especially work where you are self-employed or can start your own business. My father left school after primary and ran his own business very successfully.

Have you any leanings towards a career or job that would interest you? Would you consider writing to be something interesting?

Have you ever done any of the online career guidance quizes?


Acedmics are not for everyone, it doesn't make you a failure of any kind, it's just a different path.

Links for online interest assesment.
http://www.qualifax.ie/index.php?option=com_wrapper&view=wrapper&Itemid=25

http://www.careersportal.ie/careerplanning/self_assessment.php

skyfall2012

This website addresses people's fear of learning in the normal classroom environment. It says there are lots of courses to suit all needs. You might find what you need hear and people who understand your fears.
http://www.nala.ie/first-steps