Would you judge a person by their past??

happyviolet

Say you met someone new, whether they could be a new friend or a new partner, he/she is a good person, they seem happy and know what they want, you get on well, you like them and they like you.

But say then you found out some stuff about their past when they were younger that would have shocked you. Maybe it could be that they were into drugs and crime so they could relapse and go back to those ways again, or that, if you wanted to date them, they used to be promiscious so you don't know if you could trust them to stay faithful, or maybe they were one of those people who were not popular at school because they would have been considered weird or creepy for whatever reason, it could be that they had some issues or really personal issues like mental illness, and so they would have not much friends.

But would you judge that person on their past even if it was clear that they are so much different now? That they have cleaned up their act and working hard to make themselves a better person. I mean do you really think it is fair to not associate yourself with someone just because of whatever happened in the past? I have known so many people who are so different from when they were their early teens, they have grown up and are working hard to make a good life for themselves than before, when they would have had a lot of issues, more than the typical teenager would have.

Also when I am talking about someones past, I am talking about during their teenage years, since because of puberty, I think it's fair to say everyone has made mistakes at a time where they thought it was completely ok.
I should know, been there, done that. But I would like to think I am different now, only problem is that I am 20 and only left school a year, so any mistakes I made are probably still fresh in people's minds.

So what do you think?

anncoates

Dump him.

ScumLord

I judge people on the imaginary future I make up for them while they think I'm listening to what they're saying.

whirlpool

My head hurts.

Johnny Drama_11

Yes.

Red Nissan

If it's the woman thinking their man would change, he won't.

Nemeses

I can change, I can change!!!!

Reality answer: Satin fell for this. The answer is no, Saddam Hussein cannot change.

The Backwards Man

Everyone judges people, anyone who says they don't is a liar. It's how you use that judgement that counts, not the judgement itself.

biko

So you're 20 now and worried about what happened during your teens?
That's still only 1 year ago..

Don't worry, by the time you're 50 it will have blown over.

SEPT 23 1989

Pope John Paul II once said

in this great future we can't forget our past,So dry your tears, I say

he was right

happyviolet

whirlpool wrote: »

My head hurts.

Your head hurts from reading that??? That's tiny compared to some essays I have seen on here!

herisson

I wouldn't say I'd judge someone based on their past but I would bear it in mind. After all its possible the past can come back to bite you in the ass in some form but at the end of the day if I like someone, I like them for who they are now, not what they did in the past.

Raging_Ninja

The only way to judge people is by their actions.

I Heart Internet

Time is a great healer. Don't get too hung up on what people (or you) did in the past. You can't change it.

Be good to people in the hear and now and you'll be grand.

happyviolet

Raging_Ninja wrote: »

The only way to judge people is by their actions.

Obviously, but again would than be past actions or present-day actions?

astonaidan

Why would you judge someone on what they did as a child.
Like I judge people but on what theyve done to me

ScumLord

Raging_Ninja wrote: »

The only way to judge people is by their actions.

Isn't that basically judging them on their past?

Henlars67

Everyone has a past, provided they weren't a rapist or paedophile I don't see why it would be an issue.

So what if someone took drugs when they were younger or even did a few burglaries.

I know loads of people who were nutters 10 or 15 years ago and they're settled now with good jobs and raising families.

Your past shouldn't count against you unless you're a sick fu*k like I mentioned in the first line.

Frank Black

People should be judged on their opinions and personality, both of which have been formed over time - that is to say by their past. People's actions are also goverened by the type of person they are.
Everyone is a product of their past therefore it's impossible not to judge someone on it.

Personally I hate people who judge people on their appearance whether it be their race or simply their clothes.
I hate people who judge others on their accents and by what school they attended or by their families - people have little choice over such matters.

Judging people by the friends they keep is reasonable.

PizzamanIRL

Get rid of him before he cheats on you again. That Emily girl sounds like a tramp.

I Heart Internet

Rev. Lovejoy: Now, for our offertory reading, Lisa Simpson, who we'll all be keeping an eye on.
Lisa: I know most of you have already judged my brother guilty without any proof, but doesn't the Bible teach us "Judge not lest ye be judged," Reverend?
Rev. Lovejoy: I think it may be somewhere towards the back.
Lisa: There is someone among us with a guilty conscience. After much soul searching I decided it would be wrong of me to name names, but I urge that guilty person here, under the eyes of God, to come forward to confess and save yourself from the torment of your own personal hell.
Principal Skinner: I smelled some marijuana smoke in Vietnam!
Grampa: I was the one who cancelled "Star Trek."
Dr. Hibbert: I left my Porsche keys inside Mrs. Glick!
Lisa: I'm talking about the collection money thief: only you can come forward and end this injustice! (pauses to wait for Jessica to confess) Oh, what the heck, it was Jessica Lovejoy.

You're welcome

Wibbs

No, only how they learned from it. If they don't learn from the past then I'd tend to avoid TBH.

Jester252

Best way to predict the future is to look in the past. Have they learned anything from their past? If not they are likely to repeat their old actions

dmc17

whirlpool wrote: »

My head hurts.

Basically, what I think they're saying is that they were going through one of their friends post and found some interesting material.
Do you go through other people's post and if so, would you judge a person by their post? (PS. I didn't read it either)

Earthwalker

astonaidan wrote: »

Why would you judge someone on what they did as a child.

Start a thread on the killing of James Bulger and you might get a few reasons.

Nemeses

Earthwalker wrote: »

Start a thread on the killing of James Bulger and you might get a few reasons.

I read that just now.

That is absolutely F Shocking. I cannot find enough words in the english language to describe how I feel about that.

With that on their past. I'd never trust them at all. No second chances in this case.

Because they are now older as well, I'm sure I'd nearly kill them myself.

That is one shocking, unbelievable disgusting act.

dar100

Only God can judge... With my good self been God, I judge unmercifully.

whirlpool

happyviolet wrote: »

Your head hurts from reading that??? That's tiny compared to some essays I have seen on here!

It's the content, not the length.

whirlpool

Henlars67 wrote: »

Everyone has a past, provided they weren't a rapist or paedophile I don't see why it would be an issue.

So what if someone took drugs when they were younger or even did a few burglaries.

I know loads of people who were nutters 10 or 15 years ago and they're settled now with good jobs and raising families.

Your past shouldn't count against you unless you're a sick fu*k like I mentioned in the first line.

So you do judge someone by their past, basically; you just do so on a sliding scale.

uch

Right after Not reading the last couple of pages of mumbo jumbo, I've had a fairly checkered past, I've been arrested for theft, and arrested for breaking and entering, Was Homeless and lived in a Bus station in the Netherlands for a time, been takin' away for possession, and locked up for being Drunk and Disorderly, and have 2 convictions for fraud, and if you met me you might think I'm a dodgy charater, but I now work for Revenue and do your taxes

joe swanson

Leopards...... Spots..............etc

uch

joe swanson wrote: »

Leopards...... Spots..............etc

Nah Joe what i'm getting at is that people can change, I'm a prime example, so don't judge first

Sir Humphrey Appleby

We are all the products of the good and bad things that have both happened to us and that we did to others.
What is really important is how we have dealt with our past, reacted to our wrongdoings/mistakes and moved on.
Those who have learned from their past pose me no problems, those who havn't I avoid.

junior_apollo

uch wrote: »

Right after Not reading the last couple of pages of mumbo jumbo, I've had a fairly checkered past, I've been arrested for theft, and arrested for breaking and entering, Was Homeless and lived in a Bus station in the Netherlands for a time, been takin' away for possession, and locked up for being Drunk and Disorderly, and have 2 convictions for fraud, and if you met me you might think I'm a dodgy charater, but I now work for Revenue and do your taxes

So you used to steal from people...

uch wrote: »

Nah Joe what i'm getting at is that people can change, I'm a prime example, so don't judge first

... and now you steal from people...

Ok... you've "changed"...

junior_apollo

happyviolet wrote: »

Say you met someone new, whether they could be a new friend or a new partner, he/she is a good person, they seem happy and know what they want, you get on well, you like them and they like you.

But say then you found out some stuff about their past when they were younger that would have shocked you. Maybe it could be that they were into drugs and crime so they could relapse and go back to those ways again, or that, if you wanted to date them, they used to be promiscious so you don't know if you could trust them to stay faithful, or maybe they were one of those people who were not popular at school because they would have been considered weird or creepy for whatever reason, it could be that they had some issues or really personal issues like mental illness, and so they would have not much friends.

But would you judge that person on their past even if it was clear that they are so much different now? That they have cleaned up their act and working hard to make themselves a better person. I mean do you really think it is fair to not associate yourself with someone just because of whatever happened in the past? I have known so many people who are so different from when they were their early teens, they have grown up and are working hard to make a good life for themselves than before, when they would have had a lot of issues, more than the typical teenager would have.

Also when I am talking about someones past, I am talking about during their teenage years, since because of puberty, I think it's fair to say everyone has made mistakes at a time where they thought it was completely ok.
I should know, been there, done that. But I would like to think I am different now, only problem is that I am 20 and only left school a year, so any mistakes I made are probably still fresh in people's minds.

So what do you think?

So you've met a creepy mental prostitute junky criminal who has no friends and want to know if you should dip the tip or not... DO NOT DIP THAT TIP!...
You're just asking for a trip to the STD Clinic right there I can assure you... oh and your wallet will be stolen at the same time... but on the plus side you'll have some great weird sex :eek:

sbsquarepants

You can ONLY judge people on their past. What the fúck else are you supposed to judge them on?
In my experience anyway, people rarely change all that much in any case. Yes, we grow up a bit, maybe tone things down, financial reality, kids etc tends to force us to, but basically we stay the same people. If someone was a scumbag when the were 17, odds are they'll still be one at 27, 37.........97. Damascan conversions tend to be confined to the bible and similar works of fiction.

I'll know call upon my good friend Jay-Z to ellaborate. Take it away Jay.....

"No matter where you go, you are what you are player,
And you can try to change, but that's just the top layer,
Man, you was who you was fore you got here,
Only god can judge me, so i'm gone,
Now either love me or leave me alone."

Jay-Z, Public Service Announcement - great tune!

annascott

It depends on what was in their past. It probably wouldn't matter as long as it wasn't anything violent or sinister ie child or animal abuse, kidnapping, terrorism etc.

9959

Luke 6:37

Do not judge, and you will not be judged
Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned
Forgive, and you will be forgiven

or

Once a cùnt, always a cùnt

Which one of these?

keithclancy

Would you let Sean Quinn manage your finances ?

KwackerJack

As long as it wasn't something vile or completely mad!

I judge someone as I see them now and if they change back to their old destructive self well ill make my decision based on their actions!

What makes me laugh is people will run away from a person with a bad past/reputation yet the same person/s will vote in to government the same Muppets who screwed them over the last time


Isn't it ironic don't ya think!

Hate that song, now thats ironic

bnt

happyviolet wrote: »

Obviously, but again would than be past actions or present-day actions?

Er ... what? Every action is a past action by the time you perceive it. Even if it's a fraction of a second ago, it still happened in the past.

So of course you're going to judge people by their past actions. But for how long? In the law (especially on TV), you'll hear about the statute of limitations, the idea that you can't charge a person of a crime after a certain length of time has elapsed. The linked page has a list of the Irish limits, which are pretty specific.

A personal example: I would be really worried about having a girlfriend who was a recovering addict, but not for the reasons you might think. I don't Drink with a capital D, as you read about in other threads, but I like the occasional quality drink. I could easily avoid alcohol, but then she might feel guilty about that, causing more tension. Or I might accidentally say or do something that would push her off the wagon i.e. I'd have to walk on eggshells because of her mental fragility. I couldn't be myself around her.

I'm both busy and absent-minded - meaning that I make a very poor behavioural policeman. If you have a track record of poor decisions and erratic behaviour, I'm not going to be able to watch over you and stop you from doing it again. You can see why I'm more of a cat person ...

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

Yes I would judge people. I don't think people can change, not majorly anyway. Once a cheater, always a cheater.

Actually had this conversation with an ex, my first boyfriend who cheated on me with my friend when we were 17 cause I wouldn't have sex with him. We stayed semi friends, and a few years later he was still trying to make it up with me, and I said I didn't trust him and blah blah blah, he was outraged that I would judge him for something he done when he was 17/18 years old - but there ya go.

Once bitten twice shy I guess

calanus

Having engaged in drug usage and criminal activity is a liiiitle bit different that someone who was weird or unpopular for an unspecified reason. Can people relapse into unpopularity again?

happyviolet

I'm sorry but I actually NEVER indicated that I have met someone who has happened to have a bad past. I just wanted to see other people's opinions on if they discovered something about someone's past, may it be a partner or close friend, would you judge them and run a mile, or leave it in the past, especially if it is obvious they are a different person now, for the better?

Sorry I have just noticed a lot of posts on here of people thinking I have met someone with a bad past, and I know this is After Hours so they could be messing, but I just wanted to clear it up anyway.

happyviolet

sbsquarepants wrote: »

You can ONLY judge people on their past. What the fúck else are you supposed to judge them on?
In my experience anyway, people rarely change all that much in any case. Yes, we grow up a bit, maybe tone things down, financial reality, kids etc tends to force us to, but basically we stay the same people. If someone was a scumbag when the were 17, odds are they'll still be one at 27, 37.........97. Damascan conversions tend to be confined to the bible and similar works of fiction.

I'll know call upon my good friend Jay-Z to ellaborate. Take it away Jay.....

"No matter where you go, you are what you are player,
And you can try to change, but that's just the top layer,
Man, you was who you was fore you got here,
Only god can judge me, so i'm gone,
Now either love me or leave me alone."

Jay-Z, Public Service Announcement - great tune!

But how are these people gonna change themselves for the better if we automatically assume they will always be a scumbag, a creep, a cheater, a crazy person etc, even though they might work hard to have a more positive image? I mean it's a different story if they did a real serious crime (ex. rape, murder) or if you give them loads of second chances and they ruined them all.

I mean it's alright for those with "perfect" lives to judge those who have made mistakes or is seen as being different, but it is totally unfair I think when no one can give you at least one chance to show that you are a different character now.

happyviolet

whirlpool wrote: »

It's the content, not the length.

And what is wrong with the content?

bnt

happyviolet wrote: »

But how are these people gonna change themselves for the better if we automatically assume they will always be a scumbag, a creep, a cheater, a crazy person etc, even though they might work hard to have a more positive image?

But that's the question: is that kind of change always possible? And if it is, why is it my job? What do I get out of it? It sounds selfish, but you know people are thinking such things, even if they don't say them out loud.

It seems to me that how harshly we judge people depends on how much we need them. We make allowances for family etc., but if we don't need people at all - which is the case with most other people on the planet - we can reject them for trivial reasons. We don't even have to assume anything bad about them; that would require some thought. It costs us nothing to let them disappear, and we don't miss them when they're gone.

I know that sounds harsh, but think about the last beggars you saw on the street: can you remember anything about them? Will you recognise them if you see them again? Would you notice that one or more of them weren't there the next day?

To put it another way: if you judge people, at least you're showing an interest in them and thinking about them and their issues. Most people you meet don't get even that much consideration.

ectoraige

So, what you're asking is should you tell your new boyfriend that you were a bullied in school because you were an ugly drug-addicted prostitute?

No, you should not. Wait until you have kids. Then tell them.

TheLastMohican

All depends. Context, youth and experience or lack of kick in. But mainly, YES

Christ the Redeemer

SEPT 23 1989 wrote: »

Pope John Paul II once said

in this great future we can't forget our past,So dry your tears, I say

he was right

And now look at him, dead. Didn't see that coming.

caustic 1

Most of the time I try to make up my own mind about people but occasionally I have been swayed by someone else depending how strong their opinions are. If a close friend didn't like someone or warned me about them, then I tend to be wary of that person instead of giving them a chance.
Recently I found that someone who I never had much time for was actually quite good company when I spent some time with them. Previously I didn't give them a chance because a regular acquaintance of mine wasn't that pushed on them.
I also know older generations would judge younger on what their parents grandparents were like, They were a bad lot or good living folk etc.