When do you stop sharing?

pipster

I have been with my boyfriend for 4 ½ years and we have been living together for 2. My boyfriend owns the house and he has 2 tenants which help with the mortgage and bills.

We both could pay the mortgage ourselves if it was just the 2 of us but obviously the extra income is great and allows us to save and have some disposable income. The situation is not that bad but I wonder when it will just be the 2 of us. I understand that its best to avoid being more financially constrained as long as possible but I feel that he will keep the tenants for an endless amount of time.

We have started to be more economical with our income and trying to save as much as we can so I had hoped that if we do this until the end of the year that we will get used to the situation, see that we can do it ourselves and discuss when the tenants can move out.

Merkin

pipster wrote: »

We both could pay the mortgage ourselves if it was just the 2 of us but obviously the extra income is great and allows us to save and have some disposable income. The situation is not that bad but I wonder when it will just be the 2 of us. I understand that its best to avoid being more financially constrained as long as possible but I feel that he will keep the tenants for an endless amount of time.

Have you asked him?

heretochat

Are these tenants family or friends by any chance?

Beruthiel

pipster wrote: »

I wonder when it will just be the 2 of us.

The only person who can answer that is your boyfriend.

pipster

The tenants are not family or friends. One is an acquaintance and the other is a stranger who we get on well enough with.

I have kinda asked him and he said that its a lot everyone month that they bring in. His friends have started the conversations the most as they wonder how long it will go on.

heretochat

I only asked the initil question as it might be harder to move on family or friends...

I would agree with the other posters so that you can only discuss this with your other half and spell out your concerns as you see them

rainbowtrout

pipster wrote: »

The tenants are not family or friends. One is an acquaintance and the other is a stranger who we get on well enough with.

I have kinda asked him and he said that its a lot everyone month that they bring in. His friends have started the conversations the most as they wonder how long it will go on.

It's not really any of their business though is it? Were you bothered by it before or was it just since friends started asking? Is it part of a longer line of questions: when will you get rid of the tenants? any sign of an engagement ring? when will you give us a day out? etc etc.

The other side of this is that you are a couple but it is his house and what he doing does make financial sense from what you have said. Do you pay an equal share of the mortgage at the moment or does it all come from your boyfriend and the tenants rent??

Maybe he sees it as an opportunity to save (you did mention you have more money available with having tenants). If you are to remain together in the long term, get married, have kids etc, having tenants now will allow you to save sooner for those things than living on your own would. Is this a factor?

Cyclepath

You need to communicate with your boyfriend properly. Your approach needs to take account of the facts of the situation.

Currently you live in his house. It's his responsibility to make sure the mortgage is paid. I'm assuming the tenants bring in €600 at the very least per month. That's a lot of money to drop despite the fact that you believe you could both pay the mortgage no problem.

Also the advice you might receive here depends on certain questions:

What portion of the mortgage do you pay? or do you pay 'rent' in the same way as the tenants do? Are you saving together in a joint account? If so what's your understanding of the purpose of this account? Has marriage been mentioned? If you're saving separately do you have a joint agreement on the purpose of those savings? If you are contributing to the mortgage, what is your understanding of your rights in this respect?

I would assume that if you are planning to get married, then the savings are aiming toward that point in time which would be a logical point at which to go it alone as opposed to house sharing.

ash23

I think OP, that as your boyfriend owns the house, it's up to him to decide when he wants to stop renting out rooms as the financial responsibility is all on him should anything happen between the two of you.

Also, are you really ok with covering half the mortgage? Bearing in mind you would have no claim to the house unless you were living together alone for 5 years and even then, it would be an arduous legal battle unless in the meantime you had children or got married.

Realistically (if the tenants were gone) for your own benefit, you should pay half of the rental value. So if you and your boyfriend were to rent a similar house, how much would it be? And then you pay half and he pays the balance. This protects you from ending up covering half the mortgage and having no rights. And it protects your boyfriend from a lengthy legal claim in the event of a split.

However, this means he would most likely be paying more and therefore, might not want to do this.

Personally, I would say keep renting out rooms until such a time as a wedding is on the cards (a date set). I know it sounds cynical but OP, so many people get burned from getting into scenarios like this. You both need to protect yourselves.

pipster

Thanks I appreciate all the great responses. I pay rent at the moment but not as much as the tenants as my boyfriend didn't want it.I pay for the weekly food shopping and we divide the bills equally. I also pay for things I could take with me if I moved out such as a TV and a sofa bed.

I think that I will not do anymore about it as its a much better way to live now and also in the long term if we get married and have children. I guess I just don't want to be together for 8 years or something without being married and still living with other people because ergonomically its a better option.

rainbowtrout

pipster wrote: »

Thanks I appreciate all the great responses. I pay rent at the moment but not as much as the tenants as my boyfriend didn't want it.I pay for the weekly food shopping and we divide the bills equally. I also pay for things I could take with me if I moved out such as a TV and a sofa bed.

I think that I will not do anymore about it as its a much better way to live now and also in the long term if we get married and have children. I guess I just don't want to be together for 8 years or something without being married and still living with other people because ergonomically its a better option.

Well I guess your real question is probably what is the long term future of your relationship rather than should your boyfriend get rid of the tenants so you can live alone.

Reaslitically it does make sense, if he got rid of the tenants and then two months later you upped and left he would be left with the mortgage to pay all by himself, he could get more tenants but he already has paying tenants so less hassle all round.

On the matter of the TV and sofa bed, did you pay for them entirely or did your boyfriend contribute? Do the other tenants have use of them?

pipster

rainbowtrout wrote: »

On the matter of the TV and sofa bed, did you pay for them entirely or did your boyfriend contribute? Do the other tenants have use of them?

I paid for them all myself. I wasn't made get them. We didnt have a TV in the 2nd communal room so I got it and the sofa bed is in my bedroom/clothes room so it can be multi functional. So the others would use the TV and not the sofa bed.