just lost

LegacyUser

ok, so its hard to know where to start with this, im going to try and keep it as short as possible.

its the usual story. to a certain extent, girl met guy, got on very well as friends, got together as more, fell in love.........
then he started to get odd. same old thing you read here over and over, he would back off, then come back few weeks/months later etc etc
this went on for years!

but, to be fair to him, he is honestly a good guy, a very good guy. everyone that knows him knows he is sound. there was never any badness on his part, i do believe that. i think he was a shy lad, he wasnt used to having women that liked him.
i dont want this to sound mean, but, he is not the best looking lad in the world...despite that i fell in love, big time!! i was mad about him, but i had years getting my heart broken.
maybe im being soft here but i think its more insecurity on his part that he just couldnt bring himself to be the big strong 'i want this' kind of man.

eventually and honestly after years being upset and heartbroken, i did get over him.

now, im happy on my own, well, not happy, but yea, happy. id rather be alone and happy than with someone that i feel bad with.

anyway, he has being begging me to me him, he got me a birthday present, that i didnt feel i could accept, so i agreed to meet him, with plans to give the gift back.
he was so upset, now i feel terrible. he is a good guy, honestly. but now he is promising me the world, he f***d up etc etc, he knows what he did. he wants to be with me, for life, living together, marraige, kids whatever.
he is not the type of guy to go off with other women.

im not naive, we are both in our 30's.
i feelso bad for him. i didnt want to see him. now i did, i remember how well we get on. i still think i was fine before i saw him.
i just dont now what to do.
if i saw him more often i know i would go back to being mad about him.
but i feel like i cant go back, im happy on my own.
well i was happy on my own, but i feel so upset for him.

im so confused, i just dont know whether i should give it a go, with the chance that its going to be a proper long term thing or just get on with my life, which is good, before he came back.

Czarcasm

I'd say OP just get on with your life. Your post reeks of guilt and feeling bad for this guy, and you shouldn't! I know he's a nice guy and all, but seriously, he's messed you around for years with his indecisive behaviour and now in the last five minutes so to speak he wants back in your life, marriage, kids, whatever.

Sounds to me like NOW he'll say whatever he thinks will get him back into your life. From what you describe tbh, it sounds like ye couldn't even have a good friendship the way he comes off as so needy and desperate and you feel bad for him then. He's a grown man OP, who just needs to grow up an awful, awful lot.

You'd do well too though to toughen up a bit and ask yourself "messed me around for years, now wants the whole kit and kaboodle, what am I, last resort because he couldn't find anyone else?".

Lorna123

I think I would give him one more try. It would appear to me that up to now he wasn't ready to settle down but now he is. He knows what he wants now and it is you. So if you think you would be mad about him again if you gave it a try, then why not ?

LegacyUser

a year and a half ago i wouldve jumped at this chance.

even a year ago, he did say nearly as much as this time, he told me that he had f**ked up etc etc and that he had got scared because he could just see marraige and kids in the future.

i thought about it for few days and hen said yea we should give it a proper go, see how things go, BUT he backed off. broke my heart again.

not sure could go through all that again.