20 year old male virgin and happy with it.but there's a problem

LegacyUser

I a 21 year old guy who is a virgin and I happy with it. I grew up in house that sex was never really made a big deal of so I knew what it was but I didn't even consider it to be important. I did go out with a few girls in secondary school but things ended for one reason or another.
My first real girlfriend was with a girl that I meet there in the first few weeks we started seeing each other and we grew really close I said I wanted to wait a while for sex and she said ok. She asked me a few weeks later because she said she really wanted to do it so I told her I was a virgin he said she didn't believe me and that everyone looses there virginity and then she realised I was serious and she kind of laughed in my face I considered this rude so we kind of drifted apart but after a while we became friends again and I was happy with this one night we were together but there was other people around and I kind of dozed of for a few minutes. When I woke up all my shirt buttons were open and she was at my belt buckle/pants. So I got up and left. I think she tried to do something to me but I don't think she succeeded.
Since that which was nearly two years ago now I haven't really looked for a relationship/girlfriend. I know I will find someone eventually.
So my questions are.
Did this girl act inappropriately to me being a virgin or was I wrong?
Will others act like this?
Will it be hard to find someone who is like this. I know sex is important in a relationship but there are other things as well. Is it really bad to want to wait to be in a proper/serious relationship first?
Thanks in advance!

Esoteric_

Yes, she acted extremely inappropriately! Reverse the genders and it could be a police charge for sexual assault.

Not all girls will react like that, we're not all that immature. Any woman I know would be pretty accepting of it, because it's not a huge deal firstly, and they can teach you what they personally like!

You're right in saying that sex is an important part of relationships, but most people can wait a few weeks, ffs. If you want to care about somebody and trust them before you sleep with them for the first time, then fair play to you.

Don't let some idiot girl make you go against what you think is right for you.

Pang

It is definitely not bad to wait for a serious relationship and never ever doubt yourself about that. It is perfectly fine to wait and take your time until you feel ready. I know a number of guys and girls who waited until their early and mid twenties. It never felt right for them before that.

This girl acted horribly towards you and disrespected you. Not all girls are like this. Don't let this horrible act affect you and pressurise you into having sex before you are ready.

Reggie 123

Hi ya.
To be honest you got off lightly with this clown, from a guys point of view it is now pretty cool to be a virgin and respected. just forget about this idiot, you will meet somebody who will respect you for what you are.

Tramps Like Us

You had a lucky escape!

Don't worry about being a virgin, you are dead right to wait until you are with someone you know and trust and in a proper relationship - I wish I did!

blatantrereg

Not sure how you could feel like you were in a proper/serious relationship with someone you've never slept with tbh.

You were seeing each other for months by the sounds of things. You say you felt really close to her. What exactly were you waiting for?

Women like sex. One major role women want their boyfriends to fill is having sex with them. Deciding you're too pristine to sully yourself was not a very nice mindset to have. She just wanted you to act like her bf.

There certainly are other things in relationships - Considering your partner's PoV, and how things effect you as a couple for example. Very important! But you are so focused on not having sex that you ignore those.

How dare she laugh at you huh? You just constantly reject her for months. Probably was an expression of confusion and relief when you finally bothered to explain your reason why.

Don't be so precious and wrapped up in yourself - my advice really.

freshpopcorn

blatantrereg wrote: »

Not sure how you could feel like you were in a proper/serious relationship with someone you've never slept with tbh.

OP I would not agree with this advise at all. You can be in a close loving relationship with out having sex.
Some people wait a couple of months others wait until they get married even.
Not all women just want sex there are plenty of other things in relationships than just sex. Just because the guy wanted to wait doesn't make a relationship any less meaningful.

blatantrereg wrote: »

You were seeing each other for months by the sounds of things. You say you felt really close to her. What exactly were you waiting for?

I say he was waiting for the right time.He might have wanted to be romantic and special. Not just a normal casual night.

blatantrereg wrote: »

Women like sex. One major role women want their boyfriends to fill is having sex with them. Deciding you're too pristine to sully yourself was not a very nice mindset to have. She just wanted you to act like her bf.

Yes OP women like sex.It is not the only important role. It is important to be loving,caring,thoughtful, funny.etc in a relationship. Just because you wanted to wait doesn't make you pristine it means you just wanted to wait until the right time.

blatantrereg wrote: »

There certainly are other things in relationships - Considering your partner's PoV, and how things effect you as a couple for example. Very important! But you are so focused on not having sex that you ignore those.

You can still make somebody feel loved and cared for without having sex OP. These are very important elements in a relationship and you don't need sex to love and care for somebody.

blatantrereg wrote: »

How dare she laugh at you huh? You just constantly reject her for months. Probably was an expression of confusion and relief when you finally bothered to explain your reason why.

Don't be so precious and wrapped up in yourself - my advice really.

She laughed in the guys face for gods sake after he admitted a big part of himself to her. Of course the guy is going to be upset.
He doesn't sound wrapped up in himself at all.


OP, You had a horrible experience with this girl. By the sounds of it she sexually assaulted you.If a guy did that to a women he would be told he was totally inappropriately and wrong. This is a horrible thing to happen to anybody.

OP, You seem like a nice, good respectable lad. You know what you want. I am sure you'll find a women who'll love you and respect you for who you are and then you'll have sex when the time s right.
There is no shame in being a virgin whats so ever. Anybody who would laugh in your face over something like that are not worth worrying over. Your way better than the.


.

lmos

I agree whole heartidly with freshpopcorn. That girl was horrible and its unfortunate she has made you query yourself. You have a right to choose when you have sex, if someone doesnt accept/respect that...it's really is their issue. I waited until I was 22 and have never regretted waiting. Stick to your guns!

LegacyUser

My first reaction to her laughing at your face was also calling her a b*tch. But after reading what the other poster said, I started to put myself in her place... this is just a hypothesis, but let's be devil's advocate here for a second...

if I was seeing a guy for months and no sex was taking place and I didn't know why, I would be feeling beyond paranoid. I would think he didn't fancy me at all, that he had another girl, that he thought I was ugly/fat, that he was gay, etc. I know, it's sad, it's prejudiced, it puts pressure on you guys, but that's how I would feel.

And it is possible that with this anxiety and insecurity on my side, by the time you said you were a virgin - which btw I would find super endearing and nice, and also a relief that any of the other things were not true - it is possible that out of nervousness I could laugh. But I think you would be able to tell apart whether was a nervous surprised laugh or a jesting one.

The second thing - we girls are surrounded by messages/images/roles on tv etc that suggest we should seduce our guys (take any cover of cosmopolitan for example). We need to be sexy, assertive, pro-active etc. It might just be that she thought she would be giving you a "gift"/treating you if she would wake you up with a b-job. My last 2 bfs said several times, whenever I ask them silly questions like, "what would you like for birthday?" "what would be the best gift a gf could give you?" that they would love to wake up with their gf doing it on them.

So just my 2-cents....

PS. Would it happen in the future? I'm on my 30s and if a guy on his 30s said he is a virgin, I would still find it endearing. Somewhat unusual but endearing and almost flattering if he wanted to have his 1st time with me. I would feel totally comfortable with talking about it and following his pace.

PS2. That said, if I was going out with a virgin guy and he wanted to wait for over 3 months to have sex "just because" i probably wouldn't want to go on. Chemistry is important and even if I loved his personality I would also want to know whether we are compatible in bed or not before I commit much longer to this. But that might be because I'm on my 30s

Paddy Cow

OP despite what that cow told you, not everyone loses their virginity young. Jimmy Carr was 26 before he lost his and is not ashamed to admit it. You will meet the right girl who will treat you with respect. Don't go out and get drunk and do it just for the sake of it.

LegacyUser

OP again,
Thanks everyone.
When we first met each other a college we got on very well. After a while we started going on nights out together. A first it was to nightclubs/pubs but then we grew closer together.
We had our first kiss after about three weeks and we started dating then. I brought her to restaurants for dinner, out for lunch, to the cinema. etc. We did a good bit of kissing/etc.
I told her how I felt etc. Loads of people were telling us we were such a good couple etc. I actually thought I was being nice to her. I don't think she thought I was gay to be honest. I was always brought up to believe that when the time was right it would happen. I told her this after about the second time we went out on a proper date. She seemed fine about it but when she found out I was a virgin a few weeks later she found it so hard to believe and laughed at it and said that it couldn't be possible that everyone loses that when there 15. I just said I wanted it to be special/a night to remember in a good way. She found this very funny she said most people loose it in an alleyway in school. After we split up she knew I was annoyed and we become friends again. The problem with her was the night I woke up and my shirt was un buttoned and she had her hand around my pants. Well my belt was open and one or two of the buttons in my jeans were open. I wasn't drink and I sort of passed out. When I woke up I left straight away but I had a bottle of coke that I was drinking and it tasted funny. I had the feeling she was trying to do something . The problem is tough I don't know how long I was asleep/passed out for. So part of me wonders am I a virgin.

Tramps Like Us

Dude, that's serious sexual assault. It sounds like she may have drugged you/spiked your drink. I recommend talking to someone about it, sometimes these things can seem like not that big of a deal at the time but can haunt you for years and years if you don't try to deal with it by getting professional help. Even just talking to a professional about it just one time is a good idea.