So invested in life its preventing me having one

LegacyUser

I am not to sure why I am posting this however I kinda just need to verbalise what's going on in my head and have no where else to turn.

Effectively I have always been fairly driven but I am getting to breaking point. I am in a good job however I am no enjoying it and the long hours mean that it hampers my hobbies which in the past have kept me sane and have been a release (as well as physically healthy). I decided to pursue a new career which I am currently working my way through (course being done around work and work funding the studies)

I have thrown myself into the studies and am putting in the time to make this new career work the only problem is now I am at a stage where between work and study I am consumed and as a result I am not happy in myself

I am single (surprise surprise) and I feel that even when I make an effort to be more sociable it just ends up me taking on one thing to much and something else paining the price (usually sleep which has a knock on effect on study and sports). Couple that with the fact that I feel I have retained toxic relationships (people I get on well with but am starting to realise I quickly become an emotional punching bag) and not really people I feel I can turn to and let them know about this. Most people see me as quite successful in what I am doing but they don't really see how close to breaking point I am (I tend to be a guarded person the last few years which may have been my downfall as well as I cannot really talk to anyone about it)

Ideally I wish that I could just give up the job and focus on the studies however I can't afford to give it up between living costs and the cost of the courses I am doing. Is it just a case of gritting my teeth and getting on with it for the next 2 or so years? I am also afraid of failure in the new field as it is highly competitive which is why I am so invested in working at it to try and succeed

I would love to be able to talk to people about it but given I have been so personally driven I fear that I have driven away the people who would be there to listen

lmos

Hi there, in my experienced, even though you feel like you have pushed people away, they will be happy to have you back! Talking about your issues will be a great relief and help you gain the clarity you need to sort this.

best of luck !

Jonny Blaze

Hi OP,


You sound a little burned out is all. I have experienced this in the past while working full time and studying around it.


While I wasn't into sports, I found ways of making the most of whatever time I did have to myself, even if just to make sure that I would make time to totally relax and let myself stop thinking about things for a while.


This was especially important to me as I would be the kind of person to stress and wind myself into a nervous wreck just worrying about everything all the time!


Sleep was a big one, as I would essentially freak myself out about not getting enough sleep and being knackered the next day, so much so that I would be even less likely to sleep then! Sort of a vicious circle.


Eventually I had to just take time to completely switch off from everything when I had some free time.


Even simple things like taking a long bath in the evening during the week, stick on some Motown and just chill for an hour or two. Had to be strict with myself to make at least one evening a week or a weekend afternoon to relax.


It also helped me to come up with goals for after I had finished studying. I had a total fantasy scenario of picking up and flying off to live in California as soon as I finished studying living at the beach! Even though part of me knew it was totally wishful thinking, the dream got me through some difficult times where I felt I just couldn't keep it up.


I guess I'm just trying to say hang in there and things will get better! Developing coping mechanisms is really important especially when you can't talk to anyone about this stuff, I know myself, so try figure out for yourself what works to relieve stress and keep at it! It'll be worth it in the end!

Good luck!

dixiefly

Walking Paradox wrote: »

I am not to sure why I am posting this however I kinda just need to verbalise what's going on in my head and have no where else to turn.

Effectively I have always been fairly driven but I am getting to breaking point. I am in a good job however I am no enjoying it and the long hours mean that it hampers my hobbies which in the past have kept me sane and have been a release (as well as physically healthy). I decided to pursue a new career which I am currently working my way through (course being done around work and work funding the studies)

I have thrown myself into the studies and am putting in the time to make this new career work the only problem is now I am at a stage where between work and study I am consumed and as a result I am not happy in myself

I am single (surprise surprise) and I feel that even when I make an effort to be more sociable it just ends up me taking on one thing to much and something else paining the price (usually sleep which has a knock on effect on study and sports). Couple that with the fact that I feel I have retained toxic relationships (people I get on well with but am starting to realise I quickly become an emotional punching bag) and not really people I feel I can turn to and let them know about this. Most people see me as quite successful in what I am doing but they don't really see how close to breaking point I am (I tend to be a guarded person the last few years which may have been my downfall as well as I cannot really talk to anyone about it)

Ideally I wish that I could just give up the job and focus on the studies however I can't afford to give it up between living costs and the cost of the courses I am doing. Is it just a case of gritting my teeth and getting on with it for the next 2 or so years? I am also afraid of failure in the new field as it is highly competitive which is why I am so invested in working at it to try and succeed

I would love to be able to talk to people about it but given I have been so personally driven I fear that I have driven away the people who would be there to listen

Been there done that regarding balancing a busy job with extra study and trying to have a social life also.

What age are you OP? Would you like to meet someone for the social aspect or settle down, have kids etc?

One thing you could try and do is identify some regular (even once a week or fortnight) activity or social event that allows you to get out and meet people. Also you could identify friends and arrange to meet up even for a coffee meal etc. Also can you plan your extra studies so that it allows you some free time in the evening r weekend. Is there anything you can do to reduce the work hours, getting ahead there is not as important if you are thinking of eventually leaving the job,

Do not allow yourself to get into a rut with the job and study there as an excuse for not doing even a small amount of sport or some socialising / catch up with friends. Remember all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.

dellas1979

People focussing on themselves and then realising its all quicksand is becoming a common problem. Your life is part of a bigger picture.

People need support and a couple of good friends, and then more so acquaintances. In my eyes, they are the ranks. Sounds like, at the risk of your career and hobby, youve ignored the support part and miss the specialness of a good friend. Make an effort to contact and stay in contact with your real friends, and if they are your real friends, they will be happy and understanding (maybe a little explanation of whats happened would be good too). If you place no value on them, why would they continue to place value on you? So, you have been warned.

Its all about balance. I dont see how making time to meet a friend once a week for a coffee or something or cinema or whatever, would throw you off studying (different scenario pubbing/clubing...then you will suffer the next day/loose a day). You are just not making the effort to find a better balance, and its not going to get better unless you change it.

I would keep trying for the career and hobby, if they make you happy. But ignore the rest of your life at your own risk.