Cutting Contact Years Later

LegacyUser

This all happened a long time ago, so I am wondering why now it is raising it's head with me.

Myself and my long term partner at the time (together 13 years) were going through a break up. Tough splitting house, cars, dog, money, etc etc. He had been violent also. I grew very close to a guy in work. He had only been married a year and was going through the same process. He was great with me, supporting me, shoulder to cry on, listening about solicitors, barristers etc, etc, and we fell in love. He practically lived at my house and we were making plans for the future and had holidays, Christmas, etc.

Fast forward almost four years and things going well, my separation (though not married) complete all happy days. I then kept pushing him on his legal stuff, which seemed to be dragging and it turned out he had stopped the process almost 3 years earlier and was back and forth with the wife, so he was going between the estranged wife and me. The wife lived in a different county and as he worked in Dublin a lot, he was able to more or less live a double life.

I was shellshocked and almost had a nervous breakdown. I cut contact but kept going back and forth to him as I was in too deep. It took a lot out of me. I had been strong dealing with the separation 3 years earlier but it was like all the strength drained from me with this. I am ashamed to say This went on for 3 years or so and I just kept getting hurt and he would lie over it and woke up one morning and decided that was it.

However, since then (and it's almost 4 years ago now since I split, we have kept in touch. Usually he surfaces when he wants something, advice over his job, etc etc. I met up with him a couple of times for lunch, maybe once every couple of months.

Recently though, he has been annoying me when he phones. I just dont want to hear from him. I have a blocked number on my phone and I have been getting texts from him along the lines of "I have a call from a blocked number, was it you" and it was not me. All of a sudden I do not want to speak to him again. No drama, I dont want a row, but I just dont want to have any further contact. Is this weird after all this time. Do I say something to him or just keep ignoring him?

December2012

You could tell him you never want to hear from him again and that's that.

If you wanted to be smart you could tell him to ask his wife's advice instead, but maybe just stick to the first part (and say the second part to yourself!)

Big Bag of Chips

You could be honest. Just tell him directly that this has been going on for too long, and you are ending it. Ask him not to contact you anymore.

Tell him you can't move on with your life while he is still hanging around it, so you'd rather he just left you alone from now on.

LegacyUser

OP Here

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Thanks for the advice. The issue is I have moved on with my life, and have done a long time ago. I just don't want to hear from him again even though that sounds weird after all that time. I don't see him as a friend, if fact when I look back, he really messed me around at a weak time in my life and I wont forgive him for that.

I've long since got over it to be honest but recently he has been getting on my wick when ringing because I have no desire to talk to him. That said, I have no appetite for a row him at all, so if he never contacts me again, I don't care.

I am not the kind of person who just cuts contact and leaves another person hanging but I actually just don't want to answer any more calls or entertain this person and I don't even feel I owe him an explanation any more.

The last time he rang I just said I'm busy and have a lot going on so cant talk and he got annoyed with me!!!

Big Bag of Chips

In that case just keep ignoring him! No need for a dramatic "good-bye"... If you don't want to speak to him, then just don't!

stargazer 68

I actually just don't want to answer any more calls or entertain this person and I don't even feel I owe him an explanation any more.

The last time he rang I just said I'm busy and have a lot going on so cant talk and he got annoyed with me!!![/QUOTE]

So stop answering his calls and texts then he will soon get the message!

LegacyUser

He had been ringing for weeks and I had been ignoring the calls. Then after 3 calls about an hour apart in the one day I answered and said I'm busy at the moment - cue him annoyed. Havent spoken to him since.

Then after that a day or so later I got a text saying "were you looking for me - missed call from private number" to which I replied.......I've put on caller id on my phone so you know any more private number calls are not from me.

Don't get me wrong guys, I have had no type of relationship or intimacy with this guy for at least five years now but the fact that he surfaces for a chat every couple of months is not on for me any more. I just want to leave it in the past and not be reminded that he hurt me. I feel I have been tolerating him for a long time. I have been ignoring his calls, its just that I hate that type of thing, but need to look after myself in this.



Thanks All.

Taltos

OP why are you allowing this?

He doesn't have the control here - only what you allow him.
Many newer phones will let you block the number yourself so it will never ring or text, and for many that don't the service provider in some cases can help.

Any more texts or calls - ignore them. And if they continue seek legal advice - being blunt here - he's harassing you, and you need to look out for yourself. My fear is that he could and may continue this indefinitely or when he is lonely (horny) or feeling low and wants to pick himself up by making you feel crap...

IrishEyes19

Change your number straight away. I would do that immediately, that way he can never contact you again.

Dee01

I really dont think theres a need for a legal route here. You don't owe this man anything. There are apps you can download to block phone numbers. Just use one of these and forget about him.

LegacyUser

Hi All,

Thanks again for the messages!

I have no intention of going down the legal route and I actually don't think of it as harassment. It is more of a nuiscence- I am just not interested in him unloading his problems on me, he was moaning about his job when we were together, the fact he is STILL in the same job and STILL moaning about it 13 YEARS LATER makes me not want to listen anymore.

I am not interested in him or what is going on in his life. He is not bothering me in so far is it is upsetting me in any way, I just don't care. He is not a friend and I don't see him as that.

Im just not going to answer his calls and hope he gets the message as I am not interested in creating any dramas or dramatic "goodbyes" as someone else said! I actually said goodbye a long time ago.

Its funny how these things pan out and something or someone who was very important to you ceases to be important any more, but such is life.

Thanks All.

CrazyKatie

This man took advantage of you when you were vulnerable, lied, cheated, and was emotionally abusive to you for years. You allowed this to go on because you were in an extremely vulnerable state and he manipulated you. Now your self confidence has come back and you are stronger so you realise how terribly he had treated you and understandably don't want to have any contact. Do not feel guilty for cutting contact. He is trying to manipulate you and make sure you still come running when he calls. He was never your friend and you don't owe him am explanation. Just block his number and if you ever do bump into him say you don't consider him a friend and don't want to continue this one sided relationship that does nothing but drains you.