Life in the Corporate World

mirwillbeback

So I was wondering if others on boards have the same experience as me. I work for a bank, one like all the others that is losing fortunes every month. Every day I feel my spirit is being chipped away, surrounded as I am by those who feel entitled to false respect, a good wage and are masters of the soundbite.

They all have quiff haircuts, tailored suits (some with initials embroidered), greet each other with " How ARE ya " and a gentle backslap.

For all their intellect and endless meetings, generally life is spent preparing power point slides, nodding enthusiastically to the most mundane suggestions and ensuring that nothing could ever be said that could be considered anyway controversial.

They use phrases like

" we are building the plane while we are flying "
" it's half time in our recovery, now it's time to put the rugby ball under our jerseys and push into the opposition half "
" we have an organic culture "

My boy was in Tallaght hospital last month, and to see the care and attention he received from people who earn a fraction of what most of my colleagues do makes me so angry. Their self importance is go high you wouldn't believe it. I am trying to get out to do something more worthwhile but they wouldn't let me leave on voluntary redundancy and I have to stay here to pay the bills for the moment.

Is it the same everywhere?

Frank Black

mirwillbeback wrote: »

Is it the same everywhere?

No, it varies.

Celly Smunt

I have a friend who is a nurse and he claims that the hierarchy in the medical fields would drive any sane person mad,arrogant doctors,lazy consultants,busy bodied middle management.If it weren't for the fact he loves his job he'd be out of there in a heartbeat.

You find it everywhere,the only place it would be less so would be in small and medium businesses.

MugMugs

mirwillbeback wrote: »

they wouldn't let me leave on voluntary redundancy and I have to stay here to pay the bills for the moment.

Is it the same everywhere?

No, A lot of people aren't given that choice!

McDermotX

They don't deserve their high wages...........I mean they're 'not re-inventing the wheel', they're only 'waterfalling ideas to the rest of the group'.

Frank Black

Maybe if we could all go for a quick scuba in my think-tank around 10ish we could bottom this out?

F35

The worst is their corporate lingo.

COMPETITIVE SALARY:

We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.

JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY:

We have no time to train you+-

CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE:

We don’t pay enough to expect that you’ll dress up-well, a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings.

MUST BE DEADLINE ORIENTED:

You’ll be six months behind schedule on your first day.

SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED:

Some time each night and some time each weekend.

DUTIES WILL VARY:

Anyone in the office can boss you around.

MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL:

We have no quality control.

CAREER-MINDED:

Female Applicants must be childless (and remain that way).

APPLY IN PERSON:

If you’re old, fat or ugly you’ll be told the position has been filled.

NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE:

We’ve filled the job, our call for resumes is just a legal formality.

SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE:

You’ll need it to replace three people who just left.

PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST:

You’re walking into a company in perpetual chaos.

REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS:

You’ll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect.

GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS:

Management communicates, you, figure out what they want and do.

I’M EXTREMELY ADEPT AT ALL MANNER OF OFFICE ORGANIZATION:

I’ve used Microsoft Office.

I’M HONEST, HARD-WORKING AND DEPENDABLE:

I pilfer office supplies.

MY PERTINENT WORK EXPERIENCE INCLUDES:

I hope you don’t ask me about all the McJobs I’ve had.

I TAKE PRIDE IN MY WORK:

I blame others for my mistakes.

I’M PERSONABLE:

I give lots of unsolicited personal advice to co- workers.

I’M EXTREMELY PROFESSIONAL:

I carry a Day-Timer.

I AM ADAPTABLE:

I’ve changed jobs a lot.

I AM ON THE GO:

I’m never at my desk.

wobbles-grogan

Frank Black wrote: »

Maybe if we could all go for a quick scuba in my think-tank around 10ish we could bottom this out?

10 isnt good for me.
I think we should call a meeting to decide on the particulars of this meeting.

Czarcasm

mirwillbeback wrote: »

My boy was in Tallaght hospital last month, and to see the care and attention he received from people who earn a fraction of what most of my colleagues do makes me so angry. Their self importance is go high you wouldn't believe it. I am trying to get out to do something more worthwhile but they wouldn't let me leave on voluntary redundancy and I have to stay here to pay the bills for the moment.

Is it the same everywhere?

OP I know what you're talking about and all, but when I walk into a bank, I don't see the bureaucracy that goes on behind closed doors, the same as you don't see the bureuacracy that goes on behind closed doors in a hospital.

I'm involved with a number of charity organisations and community groups and there's plenty bureaucracy, procedures, bad and indifferent attitudes, the arrogant atmosphere you describe that goes on in these places.

If you really wanted to see it for yourself though, there are plenty of charity organisations and community groups in your area that you could get involved with -

http://www.volunteer.ie/

MurdyWurdy

I was working somewhere with staff like that recently, just total bollocks day in day out by people getting paid 5/6 times what I was. I find it really sucks the life out of you and is extremely demotivating.

I also worked in New Zealand and it was exactly the same, the crap people (moslty policy analysts) came out with was shocking. I used to feel like hitting my head off the desk. Luckily, the area I worked in was actually very practical and I genuinely loved that job but anytime we had meetings with the wider organisation I'd have to prep myself to zone out and not get annoyed with it all. We had a two day off-site meeting once about the direction of the organisation (aka they were doing a big restructure and making lots of people redundant) and I was genuinely upset after it, listening to the carry on of some people (you know the types that love the sound of their own voice?)

Now, I'm not working and my manager is a small, crying infant. He's hard work and I don't really get paid but he can't talk, so I don't have to listen to anyone "strategising" or going for "quick wins"

geeky

Celly Smunt wrote: »

I have a friend who is a nurse and he claims that the hierarchy in the medical fields would drive any sane person mad,arrogant doctors,lazy consultants,busy bodied middle management.If it weren't for the fact he loves his job he'd be out of there in a heartbeat.

You find it everywhere,the only place it would be less so would be in small and medium businesses.

Working in the SME sector - and close to 'start up land' - I can tell you that the levels of entitlement, inefficiency and all-round idiocy are just as high. Bottom line - there are idiots in every single workplace. You can drive yourself mad trying to change it all, or change what you can and make peace with that.

The J Stands for Jay

mirwillbeback wrote: »

Is it the same everywhere?

Nah, some places don't use rugby references.

Boombastic

Sure you can take the 13 month off as a holiday

Ush1

I don't understand, are you complaining that you have a cushty job with a good salary?

Or would you be a level 1 drone?

becost

mirwillbeback wrote: »

So I was wondering if others on boards have the same experience as me. I work for a bank, one like all the others that is losing fortunes every month. Every day I feel my spirit is being chipped away, surrounded as I am by those who feel entitled to false respect, a good wage and are masters of the soundbite.

They all have quiff haircuts, tailored suits (some with initials embroidered), greet each other with " How ARE ya " and a gentle backslap.

For all their intellect and endless meetings, generally life is spent preparing power point slides, nodding enthusiastically to the most mundane suggestions and ensuring that nothing could ever be said that could be considered anyway controversial.

They use phrases like

" we are building the plane while we are flying "
" it's half time in our recovery, now it's time to put the rugby ball under our jerseys and push into the opposition half "
" we have an organic culture "

My boy was in Tallaght hospital last month, and to see the care and attention he received from people who earn a fraction of what most of my colleagues do makes me so angry. Their self importance is go high you wouldn't believe it. I am trying to get out to do something more worthwhile but they wouldn't let me leave on voluntary redundancy and I have to stay here to pay the bills for the moment.

Is it the same everywhere?

From my experience, all offices are a bollix to work in and this opinion is based on working in 5 over the last 10 years. Thankfully, I got out and have never been happier. Those places take perfectly normal people and turn them into complete numbskulls. I agree with your point about repetitive terms. Everyone in my last office used to use the word "cool" at the end of every statement. The irony. I used to hate sneezing during work too as you guaranteed some gobshite near you is going to reply with "bless you" and your expected to say "thank you". I'd jump off O'Connell bridge strapped with a backpack full of bricks before going back to office work.

josip

If you work in a bank how can you put a reasonably long post up at 9.15? Are you on holidays?

becost

josip wrote: »

If you work in a bank how can you put a reasonably long post up at 9.15? Are you on holidays?

Don't most banks open at 9.30?

Boombastic

becost wrote: »

Don't most banks open at 9.30?

10 o'clock round these parts.

josip

Boombastic wrote: »

10 o'clock round these parts.

That's their customer facing side of things.
A couple of people I know who work in back office said they always had to be in for 9.

shruikan2553

josip wrote: »

If you work in a bank how can you put a reasonably long post up at 9.15? Are you on holidays?

He hasn't started work yet. He'll have another chance from 1 until 2 and will be back out again at 4.

Im happy I work in a lab, avoid that crap unless you have to be told what someone wants by someone who has no idea that I cant build a quantum computer on a 100 euro budget. You can synergise all you want, it aint happening

Boombastic

josip wrote: »

That's their customer facing side of things.
A couple of people I know who work in back office said they always had to be in for 9.

Probably, it was just the opening times I refer to



Is this thread about a banker looking for sympathy? How times have changed

Christ the Redeemer

I want a tailored suite with my initials on it

SEPT 23 1989

You need to get out of there OP

you will get to retirement be handed a watch and think to yourself,i have wasted my life

josip

SEPT 23 1989 wrote: »

You need to get out of there OP

you will get to retirement be handed a watch and think to yourself,i have wasted my life

Surely after an entire career in banking the thinking process would have been eradicated?

Dyr

Christ the Redeemer wrote: »

I want a tailored suite with my initials on it

Change your name to Mark Spencer

anncoates

Why let it bother you so much? Or if it does, leave.

Work is a means to fund your life outside work. The more you have, the more you can do and the more comfortable you can make your loved ones.

If I was being bullied or being made work outrageous hours, I'd walk but tolerating social insincere niceties and corporate jargon for a good wage is hardly a hellish existence unless you're about 18.

seachto7

People should try and work in sales/marketing to really hear bullsh*t talk. Worse again are people who LOVE their job so much, they spend 10 hours a day in there, but when it comes to getting laid off, they then wonder why they sacrificed all that time to make someone else rich.
If you're going to spend most of your waking hours in a place of work, better to make it something you like, not surrounded by twats. For fecks sake, a lot of jobs out there, if they were removed tomorrow, the world could still function as normal.

For example, professional sports people and their agents.

Corvo

Only about 4-5 years ago I had huge aspirations to fulfil one of the two things I really wanted to become, which was a journalist (had a positive interview on the back of some blogs etc) or a chef (a profession I always admired and one I still crave to be part of) but in the end, I settled for a job (because I had to) in insurance.

Now don't get me wrong, it's a decent job and my boss is one of the best around. I'm very lucky in some ways, and it's a job many would give their left arm for. But it's not me.

Only Tuesday I collapsed, be it from stress, the drinking habits it brought on, pressure and general worry and I am now sitting at home on quite a nice batch of relaxing pills.

What I am trying to say is, if the office isn't for you (and I think you have to be of a certain personality to be able to handle the various elements of life within it) then just try your best to hunt down whatever it is you wish to do. I'm only young I suppose (24) but I know already I will spend my life regretting not going through a kitchen or taking up writing again.

Oh and here's my favourite office saying "Data Dump" - I laughed when he said it. The look I received wasn't funny however.

Table Top Joe

mirwillbeback wrote: »

tailored suits (some with initials embroidered

Good Jesus.....people do that?? that's truly off the charts wankerism

IK09

Christ the Redeemer wrote: »

I want a tailored suite with my initials on it

tut tut commoner...its referred to as "bespoke"

Czarcasm

Table Top Joe wrote: »

Good Jesus.....people do that?? that's truly off the charts wankerism

You think that's bad? I don't carry business cards myself, but you'll often see people at business conferences and seminars at this craic -

Table Top Joe

Where would the initials on these suits be? its so corny im imploding with the cringe

Handsome Bob

I've worked in the financial, hospitality, retail and social care sectors. Take it from me OP; there are blaggers and passengers in each and every one of them.

Czarcasm

IK09 wrote: »

tut tut commoner...its referred to as "bespoke"

tut tut wannabe... it's referred to as "monogramming" :P

Table Top Joe wrote: »

Where would the initials on these suits be? its so corny im imploding with the cringe

It's usually done above the inside breast pocket

Table Top Joe

Czarcasm wrote: »

It's usually done above the inside breast pocket

At least its not visible.....still though, very wanky

Boombastic

Table Top Joe wrote: »

At least its not visible.....still though, very wanky

Strategically placed to be visible when you take out your wallet

Czarcasm

Boombastic wrote: »

Strategically placed to be visible when you take out your wallet

Or, you keep your monogrammed wallet in your monogrammed briefcase and keep your personalised gold plated iphone in your breast pocket

smurfjed

I don't carry business cards myself

What's wrong with business cards??

smurfjed

Czarcasm

smurfjed wrote: »

What's wrong with business cards??

smurfjed

It's just my personal opinion that they're an American cliche from the 80's. I've been in business 20 years and my father was also self employed for 30 years before me, never needed nor used business cards.

The only people who carry business cards are people who like to feel important. I'll put someone's business card in my wallet and chances are I'll never look at it again once I have their phone number and email address in my phone.


EDIT: Actually just noticed you signed off the end of your post there and it reminded me of something someone asked me this morning-

"Could you show me how to put in my hand written signature at the end of my e-mail messages?"

I was almost tempted to do this -

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_6dtasEqpLM

pcardin

Czarcasm wrote: »

It's just my personal opinion that they're an American cliche from the 80's. I've been in business 20 years and my father was also self employed for 30 years before me, never needed nor used business cards.

The only people who carry business cards are people who like to feel important. I'll put someone's business card in my wallet and chances are I'll never look at it again once I have their phone number and email address in my phone.


EDIT: Actually just noticed you signed off the end of your post there and it reminded me of something someone asked me this morning-

"Could you show me how to put in my hand written signature at the end of my e-mail messages?"

I was almost tempted to do this -

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_6dtasEqpLM

you seem to have a twisted understanding of what business card is and how it works. Besides it's not American thingy. Business cards are widely used all around continental Europe. And its nothing to do with self importance.

ScumLord

mirwillbeback wrote: »

" we have an organic culture "

Is that a nice way of saying "We're rotten to the core"?

Czarcasm wrote: »

It's just my personal opinion that they're an American cliche from the 80's. I've been in business 20 years and my father was also self employed for 30 years before me, never needed nor used business cards.

The only people who carry business cards are people who like to feel important. I'll put someone's business card in my wallet and chances are I'll never look at it again once I have their phone number and email address in my phone.

Business cards have a place and unless you want to carry around a pen and paper so you can individually write down your details and the details of anyone you want to speak to again every separate time you meet someone then business cards are the way to go.

seachto7

Screw business cards. If you're good enough, people will remember your name.

ScumLord

seachto7 wrote: »

Screw business cards. If you're good enough, people will remember your name.

Your email and your phone number?

Honey-ec

becost wrote: »

From my experience, all offices are a bollix to work in ... I used to hate sneezing during work too as you guaranteed some gobshite near you is going to reply with "bless you" and your expected to say "thank you".

People being mannerly in their workplace? The humanity...

The bastards probably expected you to excuse yourself afterwards too.

krudler

Can't stand management speak, emails full of waffle like metrics, synergy, blue sky thinking, blehhhh.

Honey-ec

krudler wrote: »

Can't stand management speak, emails full of waffle like metrics, synergy, blue sky thinking, blehhhh.

Or my own personal favourite: "revert" instead of "reply".

Don't they know that that makes baby Jebus cry???

krudler

Honey-ec wrote: »

Or my own personal favourite: "revert" instead of "reply".

Don't they know that that makes baby Jebus cry???

"Can you revert back to me on that issue?"

Whut? "link in" is my biggest pet hate one after that "can you link in with Mary?" whhaaat? you mean just talk to her? just say that ffs.

Czarcasm

pcardin wrote: »

you seem to have a twisted understanding of what business card is and how it works. Besides it's not American thingy. Business cards are widely used all around continental Europe. And its nothing to do with self importance.

ScumLord wrote: »

Business cards have a place and unless you want to carry around a pen and paper so you can individually write down your details and the details of anyone you want to speak to again every separate time you meet someone then business cards are the way to go.

I'm an advocate of the paperless office, so I keep my "business card" on my smart phone, and bluetooth it over or send it via email where the recipient can directly import it into their email program simply by clicking on it.

Their business cards I leave them in a box on my desk. I understand for some it's a form of advertising, marketing, etc, but my business is all about using technology to increase efficiency, productivity and reduce costs in a business.

Grayson

krudler wrote: »

Can't stand management speak, emails full of waffle like metrics, synergy, blue sky thinking, blehhhh.

I heard someone here use the phrase "ideas that are bubbling down"

Michael D Not Higgins

I use business cards out of necessity. Especially handy for foreign names or a meeting with several people in it.

zl1whqvjs75cdy

No management speak where I work but I earn a pittance. Trade ya.