Still Not over Ex after almost 2 years

LegacyUser

Hi all, just hoping for a bit of advice.

I was with a guy for 3 years and we broke up almost 2 years ago. He ended it and needless to say I was heartbroken but had to just get on with things. while no break up is great, this particular break up was pretty nasty and he ended it by text message, letting me know that he was going to spend the night with a girl he was out with at the time. He then just cut contact and that was that. and I was left with so many unanswered questions and quite a lot of anger about the whole thing. I was in bits for quite some time but picked myself up and just got on with work, while at evenings I would just come home and cry.

For the next few months, I tried to remain dignified. tried to stay friends on facebook but it was hellish as he constantly posted photos of him with girls all over him and statuses that appeared to be digs, such as posting about how great it was to be single etc. Four months down the line, he decided he wanted to meet. This really helped me because when we met he was so cold and didn't even refer to the break up until I was leaving to go home. and at that, he told me that he didn't have time to even think about the break up since it had happened. Needless to say, I was crushed as it had been consuming me and was ALL I could think about as I had so many unanswered questions. It turned out he had been in touch with several girls all throughout our 3 years together. Again I was crushed but I thought tha this would really be the final thing to help me get over him for good. It worked for some time but after the anger had subsided, I found myself back thinking about him and wondering if he was okay.

So, fastforward to today. Its been nearly 2 years since the breakup and I still find myself thinking about him. I've been through all the stages, angry sad etc and while I am no longer "in love" with him, I do still love him and that is frustrating beyond belief. He will still periodically email me and throw in 'x's and compliments about my figure etc into these mails which I just ignore. I know he is a scumbag and I do not want to get back with him as I know I could never trust him. But I do wonder if I can ever truly move on. I cant help how I feel and I am finding it so so frustrating and its really getting me down. I really want to love again as I have so much love to give but I just don't understand how he still has this sort of a hold over me. Im just wondering if anyone has had a similar experience and could offer any advice. Thanks for taking the time to read this.

Karen8

The only advice is to cut the contact completely. It does no help to you.

Merkin

Yes, you absolutely must cut contact. Every time you go without hearing from him I bet you heal a little and then every time he rears his pig ugly head you're left feeling like you're back to square one.

You owe him NOTHING. In fact you need to afford him the same amount of courtesy that he afforded you when he dumped you by text. Block him on Facebook. Block his phone number and tell him to never, ever contact you again. He doesn't deserve any more of your headspace and it sounds like he is merely keeping you sweet in the hope he can hook up with you at some stage. He's also stopping you from meeting someone worthy of you who will treat you with love and respect.

Rip off the plaster honey and don't look back.

tinkerbell

Agree with the above. OP, you will still be in this position in 10 years if you keep communicating with him. You owe him nothing. He's getting pleasure no doubt in wrecking your head - the complimenting you is just a complete game to him, no doubt. He's just boosting his inflated ego by keeping an ex still wishing for him 2 years after the breakup.

Block him on facebook, block his email address, block his number (or change your number) and do not communicate with him. Chin up, make this step and you can move on with your life.

Starokan

Your ex is a total a**hole, his manner of breaking up with you was awful after 3 years together, to tell you he had not had time to think about the break up was vicious and just designed to hurt you.

As others have said block him in every way possible, you can never stop thinking about him while your checking his pics , reading emails from him etc.

My guess is that when he hears nothing from you at all he will probably do his best to run into you, when that happens do not even bother to engage with him, he has already cost you 5 years , dont let him cost you a day more

December2012

You could go and talk with a counsellor / therapist. You're still grieving and hurt and you're having trouble processing past this part of the break up.

If you don't feel strong enough to break out of this habit yourself they might be able to help you.

BeansMeansHynes

Ok I dont normally post on the PI forum but I felt I had to as I was in a similar-ish situation.

I was with my ex for nearly 7 years when one day he just walked out. Nothing, not even a text message or email. To this day, I still dont know if it was another girl or what. We were also living together and in a different country. I tried to get an answer but after a few weeks I gave up.

The ONLY and BEST piece of advise (same as previous posters) that I can give is to cut all contact. I mean it. Block him completely from facebook, delete his phone number,delete his emails, change your number if you have to.

This creep doesn't deserve another minute of your time or head space. It is the only way to move forward. I can honestly say, it is one of the reasons why I have managed to move on and get over the break up so quickly.

I only realized last week that I hadn't thought about my ex in months and its a great feeling.

You will meet someone who will love you and treat you the way you deserve.

Go have fun and dont waste another second thinking about him.

LegacyUser

Thank you all very much for your very wise words. You really have helped me to see sense. I suppose in some ways I was afraid to cut contact because I thought it would seem as though I was being immature. But now I can see that it is necessary in order for me to move on. In my head I know that the contact has not been a good idea but in my heart I just felt that cutting him off would have hurt him. (I dont even know why I was worried about hurting him after all of the hurt that he had caused me and it didnt even weigh on his conscience one bit!) I see now that he had no thoughts about my feelings when he hurt me that much and has continued to hurt me by flaunting new people, insulting me, sending me sexual messages and keeping me hanging on in there in case he changes his mind at a future point. I see that in some ways my reluctance to cut contact has enabled him and helped him to continue to hurt me. I really do wish to move on and having read some of your successful stories after cutting contact, I now know that it is necessary. It is shocking to think that I have wasted 5 years on that scumbag but as you say, he truly is not worth even one more day. It is hard to understand why someone you love would do this to you but I suppose that it may all make sense in time. I am 27 and hopefully something better will come my way when I am ready.

Thank you all so much.

Merkin

Aw, of course someone better will come along! And you're finally doing for yourself what you deserve in getting rid of the dead wood. It's only when you set yourself fee from a toxic influence like this nasty ex that you will leave yourself and your little heart open to meeting someone worthy. You will so don't worry xx

rainbowtrout

Merkin wrote: »

Yes, you absolutely must cut contact. Every time you go without hearing from him I bet you heal a little and then every time he rears his pig ugly head you're left feeling like you're back to square one.

You owe him NOTHING. In fact you need to afford him the same amount of courtesy that he afforded you when he dumped you by text. Block him on Facebook. Block his phone number and tell him to never, ever contact you again. He doesn't deserve any more of your headspace and it sounds like he is merely keeping you sweet in the hope he can hook up with you at some stage. He's also stopping you from meeting someone worthy of you who will treat you with love and respect.

Rip off the plaster honey and don't look back.

All of this plus it is feeding his ego for him to know that despite how shabbily he treated you that you remain friends with him on facebook, haven't blocked his email, so he knows you are aware of what is going on in his life. Block everything and move on. He doesn't deserve a second more of your time.