Slobby officemate eating junkfood loudly at desk.

jr22

I have headphones in with some ambient music on, the window is open and there's the fairly pleasant noise of kids playing in the nearby park. There's the background noise of noisy fan running and yet all I can hear is the sound of biscuits being annihilated, drinks being slurped, crisp bags being molested.

Not just every now and again, all fecking day. :eek:

The only respite is when she goes down to the vending machine or the jacks.

The more I try not to focus on it, the worse it seems to get.

The same person will yawn in your face mid conversation, repeatedly, without any attempt to stifle it and with no apologies.

When she has a cold I've resorted on a few occasions to asking her if she needs a tissue in an attempt to prompt her to blow her nose. She refuses in a kind of "Oh no! You're grand, thanks!" sort of way and continues snot sniffling every 15 seconds, all day long...

Anyone else dealt with something like this? What can you do?

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

jr22 wrote: »

I have headphones in with some ambient music on, the window is open and there's the fairly pleasant noise of kids playing in the nearby park. There's the background noise of noisy fan running and yet all I can hear is the sound of biscuits being annihilated, drinks being slurped, crisp bags being molested.

You must have either the most amazing hearing or the worst headphones, if you can still hear all that.

Captain_Generic

jr22 wrote: »

crisp bags being molested.

I thought that only happened when you're out of condoms

LiamoSail

Just keep staring at her with a look of disgust on your face muttering the phrase "you people"

I Heart Internet

Sooo........is she hot?

jr22

I Heart Internet wrote: »

Sooo........is she hot?

In a word, no.

Christ the Redeemer

Get her to have sex with you and then accuse her of rape. That will get her fired!

I seen it in Orange is the new Black. fool proof.

I Heart Internet

jr22 wrote: »

In a word, no.

Get over your crush so OP and stop obsessing about her.

You'll never feel her warm, cheese and onion breath on your face as she locks you in a tender, chocolatey fingered embrace.

Plenty more fish in the sea JR.

jr22

Princess Consuela Bananahammock wrote: »

You must have either the most amazing hearing or the worst headphones, if you can still hear all that.

There's sometimes other people in the office so I don't want to be an irritant with music blaring out of my headphones. The headphones are earplugs, they're alright, nothing fancy.

I think it's more that when I know the head wrecking slurping chewing noise is there, I end up listening out for it even though it's the last thing I want to hear. :pac:

What kind of biscuits?

jr22

Deleted User wrote: »

What kind of biscuits?

Fecking Ginger Nuts!

anncoates

jr22 wrote: »

I think it's more that when I know the head wrecking slurping chewing noise is there,

TBH:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Misophonia

The Uninvited Guest

Punch her in the windpipe

Muckie

Fart beside her

Mr. CooL ICE

Ask her when the baby is due

cluelez

jr22 wrote: »

Fecking Ginger Nuts!

stay focus

ha ha

Lucyfur

jr22 wrote: »

Fecking Ginger Nuts!

In fairness, they're noisy biscuits.

jr22

jr22 wrote: »

Fecking Ginger Nuts!

Does she have tea?

jr22

anncoates wrote: »

TBH:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Misophonia

Ha! Possibly!

jr22

Deleted User wrote: »

Does she have tea?

No tea. She just goes straight at them, unfortunately! :P

jr22

jr22 wrote: »

No tea. She just goes straight at them, unfortunately! :P

Ginger nut biscuits without tea?

What a weirdo.

frozenfrozen

eat her

zenno

I'm Flabbergasted

starWave

My mate had the same problem with people eating with their mouths open opposite to his desk. He sent an instant message to another colleague to moan about it, but by accident he sent it to the person eating. Problem solved.

Ruu

Invite them over to your place for food then stuff them so much that it kills them. I got the idea from Theatre of Blood (Vincent Price). Brilliant stuff.

uch

Why not try doing a bit of work, instead of focusing on her all the time ?

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

Ruubot2 wrote: »

Invite them over to your place for food then stuff them so much that it kills them. I got the idea from Theatre of Blood (Vincent Price). Brilliant stuff.

Se7en?

boogle

Buy a load of these: http://www.panelwarehouse.com/jumbo-display-stands-c7/jumbo-display-stand-4-panel-with-aluminium-frame-p27
and box yourself in. Or else box her in.

SEPT 23 1989

What size is this eating machine?

jr22

SEPT 23 1989 wrote: »

What size is this eating machine?

Substantial.

Overheal

/grabs popco -

hey wheres the popcorn

jr22

boogle wrote: »

Buy a load of these: http://www.panelwarehouse.com/jumbo-display-stands-c7/jumbo-display-stand-4-panel-with-aluminium-frame-p27
and box yourself in. Or else box her in.

If I could get a roof onto it, it'd be ideal!

SEPT 23 1989

jr22 wrote: »

Substantial.

i thought as much

are you proficient in the use of a harpoon?

bumper234

Feed it.....feed it loads and loads and loads.....make it your pet project to see just how fat you can get it before it does a Homer Simpson and works from home due to morbid obesity.

RikkFlair

jr22 wrote: »

Substantial.

A real woman with curves?

bumper234

Tame it on a date.

Go to the beach and have a picnic....hopefully a passing greenpeace ship will spot it and try drag it back out to sea.

xXxkorixXx

Is she sweating profusely as she grazes on the biccies?

SEPT 23 1989

bumper234 wrote: »

Tame it on a date.

Go to the beach and have a picnic....hopefully a passing greenpeace ship will spot it and try drag it back out to sea.

She might sink into the sand

jr22

RikkFlair wrote: »

A real woman with curves?

Not to be fattist, but it's more like one continuous curve, like a beach ball.

jr22

xXxkorixXx wrote: »

Is she sweating profusely as she grazes on the biccies?

Yep, with a fan aimed at her.

Rented Mule

jr22 wrote: »

Fecking Ginger Nuts!

I don't leave home without mine.

Gingers RULE !!

SEPT 23 1989

She sounds like a fire hazard

could you have a word with Health & Safety?

Ginger nuts and tea would be lovely

RikkFlair

Jaysus I'd murder a bag of cheese and onion now

zenno

Does she eat cheddar cheese by any chance ?

Is this her by any chance ?


EDIT: I'm a fat bastard as well but at least i have an open mouth mind.

jr22

zenno wrote: »

Does she eat cheddar cheese by any chance ?

Is this her by any chance ?


EDIT: I'm a fat bastard as well but at least i have an open mouth mind.

A close relative maybe!

zenno

jr22 wrote: »

A close relative maybe!

Maybe

ulinbac

bumper234 wrote: »

Feed it.....feed it loads and loads and loads.....make it your pet project to see just how fat you can get it before it does a Homer Simpson and works from home due to morbid obesity.

Brilliant plan!!! Take a before and after pic like people do when trying to lose weight!:D

zenno

ulinbac wrote: »

Brilliant plan!!! Take a before and after pic like people do when trying to lose weight!:D

It doesn't always work out well though.

Gummy Panda

bluewolf wrote: »

Ginger nuts and tea would be lovely

No!

Jaffa cakes and tea is the correct answer

Lucyfur

Gummy Panda wrote: »

No!

Jaffa cakes and tea is the correct answer

Eww!

Jaffa cakes and milk.