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Trying to re-start an old relationship

  • 26-07-2013 10:45am
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Going un-regged for this. My ex and I dated for 2.5 years and broke up in December. She (26) broke up with me (30) over trust and not being in the same place (wanting different things). She had no reason to not trust me and I've never, ever cheated on her. I have a good few friends that are girls which is hard for her.

    Anyway, 6 months has passed and we've both stayed close friends. At one stage, we looked like we might work it out but she started getting very jealous that I was going out a bit. I realised this and 6 weeks ago, I made a decision to stop going out and to totally focus my efforts into winning her back. We've both been with people since and both know about each other.

    She recently got asked on a date but cancelled last minute to come hang out with me. She said that she told him that she wasn't in a place where she could date. I asked her last night what she was scared of and she told me it's because she put herself out there before and when it didn't work, it took her a long time to even function again and as soon as she was ready to move on, I decided I wanted another go.

    I've told her that I'd never, ever ask her to be a part of something that I wasn't sure about. Now, I want everything that she wanted. I want to build a life together and start afresh. I need to show her that she can trust me and that I mean everything I say. How can I convince her to give is another chance? I'm choked up every night at the thought of a life without her and I would do anything to make this work.

    Any advice welcome.


Comments

  • #2
    Merkin
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,230 ✭✭✭Merkin


    It's hard to give advice when your post is quite elusive and ambiguous. You mention trust issues and not wanting the same things, can you clarify a bit more?

    What does strike me is that she can't trust you (her issues) and you have decided to stop socialising if it makes her feel better and more secure. This doesn't sound at all healthy. If you were going out to strip clubs and out every night of the week in clubs acting the bousy then she has every right to be stroppy but to have issues with you going out and meeting friends would ring alarm bells in my head. She needs to deal with these issues herself before hoping to have a successful relationship.

    Also, how did you want different things that precipitated the split? What did she want that you didn't and how has that suddenly changed?

    I would never condone getting back with an ex unless all the issues that caused the break up in the first place have been ironed out and dealt with head on and as thoroughly as possible. Have things really changed all that much since you split up the first time?


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