Telling my parents about my relationship

openup

I'm a woman in my early 20's and I'm having trouble telling my parents that I have a boyfriend. I realise how stupid that sounds

I've never been close to my parents but we get on well. We speak about once a week and I usually go home 1 or 2 weekends a month. We're very different people, I'm a liberal, agnostic, feminist, they're religious and conservative. I had one boyfriend before and I told my mother about him. She told me, amongst other things, that (at 21) I was too young, that I wasn't to have sex till I'm married, that he was just using me, he was a loser (he'd dropped out of college and was working full-time) etc. She told me I was disowning my family to spend time with him and anytime I said I was going somewhere she would say that I was lying so I could spend more time with him. Bascially it caused a lot of arguments until we broke up. I never told my father about my bf, though I'm sure my mother did, and we don't really talk about personal stuff

Now I'm a few years older and wiser, and my mother has become much more understanding. I've been going out with my current bf but because of the previous experience I haven't told my parents anything. However, my circumstances have changed. Next week I'll be moving home temporarily and, possibly, becoming partially financially dependent on my parents. So they really need to know, also I want my bf to meet them since I met his parents ages ago.

My mother really does respect me more, and I want to be honest with her (and my dad) but I feel terrible telling her. I was even considering telling her by email, but that feels sort of pathetic. I don't know what to do or what to say. I didn't even tell her properly with my ex, she'd got a notion and asked me outright if I had a bf. I'm really worried and upset over this.

Calhoun

openup wrote: »

I'm a woman in my early 20's and I'm having trouble telling my parents that I have a boyfriend. I realise how stupid that sounds

I've never been close to my parents but we get on well. We speak about once a week and I usually go home 1 or 2 weekends a month. We're very different people, I'm a liberal, agnostic, feminist, they're religious and conservative. I had one boyfriend before and I told my mother about him. She told me, amongst other things, that (at 21) I was too young, that I wasn't to have sex till I'm married, that he was just using me, he was a loser (he'd dropped out of college and was working full-time) etc. She told me I was disowning my family to spend time with him and anytime I said I was going somewhere she would say that I was lying so I could spend more time with him. Bascially it caused a lot of arguments until we broke up. I never told my father about my bf, though I'm sure my mother did, and we don't really talk about personal stuff

Now I'm a few years older and wiser, and my mother has become much more understanding. I've been going out with my current bf but because of the previous experience I haven't told my parents anything. However, my circumstances have changed. Next week I'll be moving home temporarily and, possibly, becoming partially financially dependent on my parents. So they really need to know, also I want my bf to meet them since I met his parents ages ago.

My mother really does respect me more, and I want to be honest with her (and my dad) but I feel terrible telling her. I was even considering telling her by email, but that feels sort of pathetic. I don't know what to do or what to say. I didn't even tell her properly with my ex, she'd got a notion and asked me outright if I had a bf. I'm really worried and upset over this.

Im not surprised you feel terrible after how she treated you at 21, i would also be very reluctant to share anything with her. I think its time you cut the apron strings OP, take your mother down off the pedestal.

Rather than focusing on the fear of telling her focus on how great it is that you have someone so special in your life you are going to face this fear. When you do tell her be damned with her response, if she is happy for you that brilliant but if shes not then her opinion isnt worth anything.

Also if she try's any of the crap she tried last time kindly inform her that its non of her business what you do but i suppose you do have to be careful as they are semi-supporting you and someone who tried the emotional blackmail in the opening paragraph could be volatile.

I hope it works out for you