Plus 1

teacheritis

My friends wedding is in 4 weeks and only found out today that my boyfriend isn't invited and while I know keeping expense and size down is important I wish I knew sooner as he went to a lot of hassle to get the day off. Would it be rude to ask, I hate putting them under pressure. Thanks.

angeldelight

teacheritis wrote: »

My friends wedding is in 4 weeks and only found out today that my boyfriend isn't invited and while I know keeping expense and size down is important I wish I knew sooner as he went to a lot of hassle to get the day off. Would it be rude to ask, I hate putting them under pressure. Thanks.

Unfortunately yes I really think it would be. Without being too harsh, had they really wanted him there he would have been invited in the first place. It could also be that if they invited him they'd have to invite lots of other plus ones and they can't afford to... It does seem bad form that you I ly found out with 4 weeks to go, but I don't think you should ask

clint_silver

teacheritis wrote: »

My friends wedding is in 4 weeks and only found out today that my boyfriend isn't invited and while I know keeping expense and size down is important I wish I knew sooner as he went to a lot of hassle to get the day off. Would it be rude to ask, I hate putting them under pressure. Thanks.

How did you find out, Im guessing you were told no plus ones rather than your boyfriend specifically wasn't invited.

I actually would ask, but would be very diplomatic about it and make it a real no obligatory thing that he has to be invited and even offer to pay for the extra seat as its obvious you would rather he be at the day with you.

If B&G agree but refuse payment, Id make it up in the envelope.

If they say they'd rather not for whatever reason, then let them know its not a problem.

Berty

If it was your wedding would you like people coming up and asking you can they bring this person and that?

I'm sure they've made their decision for some reason or other and could be put in an embarrassing situation being asked to add him. You could be put in a situation by being refused point blank as well.

clint_silver

Beer Baron wrote: »

If it was your wedding would you like people coming up and asking you can they bring this person and that?

I'm sure they've made their decision for some reason or other and could be put in an embarrassing situation being asked to add him. You could be put in a situation by being refused point blank as well.

what if the couple didn't know she had a boyfriend, only found out afterwards and were embarrased that she felt she couldn't approach beforehand let them know.

For me, all depends on how she found out he wasn't invited.

If its him specifically not invited, thats the end of it, if its "we're on a tight budget so invitees only" then it may be got round with my earlier suggestion.

Gatica

have you received an invite already? (I'm also wondering why your bf got time off work before you got the invitation, if that's the case.)

Depending on how close you are to the B&G and what you know of their wedding type/location. If it's a huge wedding, maybe it's a matter of asking, if it's a small intimate affair then maybe that's what they wanted in the first place. Judge it by the situation

DjangoMc

I wouldn't ask. I got married three months ago and its annoying when guests ask "is so & so invited".
We had our budget done and the list is done to what we could afford. Plus we didn't want someone we didn't know more or less getting a free slap up meal and what not.
Its bad form to ask.

clint_silver

DjangoMc wrote: »

I wouldn't ask. I got married three months ago and its annoying when guests ask "is so & so invited".
We had our budget done and the list is done to what we could afford. Plus we didn't want someone we didn't know more or less getting a free slap up meal and what not.
Its bad form to ask.

I know you didnt mean it that way but I would consider it bad form to refer to a guests partner as just "so & so". A wedding is a social event where people want their partners with them, if the partner is a boyfriend newly on the scene then ok but if its a long term thing Id consider it bad form not to consider the invited guests relationship status.

opinionable of course.

DjangoMc

clint_silver wrote: »

I know you didnt mean it that way but I would consider it bad form to refer to a guests partner as just "so & so". A wedding is a social event where people want their partners with them, if the partner is a boyfriend newly on the scene then ok but if its a long term thing Id consider it bad form not to consider the invited guests relationship status.

opinionable of course.

"So & So" is just a saying!

If I didn't meet the person before the wedding, they weren't invited. I hgave people plenty of oppertunities for us to meet their other halves (we threw a party and invited everyone) and they weren't bothered to bring them.

One person, a Bridesmaid actually, wanted PLUS 3. Her kinda boyfriend, her sister and her sisters boyfriend. Never met the three of them and I wasn't paying for three people to stuff their faces (at €80 per head)

If the Bride & Groom don't know a person, they won't invite them. I only say this as I was part of a forum where it was "Brides 2 Be" talking about everything wedding related and all of us agreed we wouldn't invite someone if we didn't know them.

Gatica

I understand not inviting someone's OH that's only been with them a short time and you've never met them, but I wouldn't consider it nice to a friend not to invite their long-term partner.
Invited a friend from work who'd moved back to the continent, he was in a long-distance relationship when he was in Ireland, so never met his gf, however considered it right to invite her to the wedding. I knew of her, it was just circumstances that I'd never met her.

PS: I agree on not inviting the +3 you mentioned though. Bad form of her to even ask.

teacheritis

Yeah I only found out on the invite, it just had my name on it. I assumed he would've been invited and that's why he booked the day off as its difficult time for him to get time off. It will feel very odd without him there, and I know I'm well capable of mingling etc. I don't like the opinion of people saying about the free slap up meal, that's not what it should be thought o and wouldn't like to be thought of as such a burden to bride and groom, that I'm only there to get a free meal and not there to celebrate an amazing special day with them and share that day with the person I love too. Anyway it's fine I'm not going to ask and I know weddings are expensive for all involved.

Ms2011

I invited all the partner of my guests, I think it a bit rude not to.
I also gave those who are single an optional plus 1, I don't mind who they bring, partner, friend etc. I want everyone to feel comfortable on the day.

rainbowtrout

teacheritis wrote: »

Yeah I only found out on the invite, it just had my name on it. I assumed he would've been invited and that's why he booked the day off as its difficult time for him to get time off. It will feel very odd without him there, and I know I'm well capable of mingling etc. I don't like the opinion of people saying about the free slap up meal, that's not what it should be thought o and wouldn't like to be thought of as such a burden to bride and groom, that I'm only there to get a free meal and not there to celebrate an amazing special day with them and share that day with the person I love too. Anyway it's fine I'm not going to ask and I know weddings are expensive for all involved.

But that's what it is essentially. The bride and groom aren't looking at you in terms of the cost of your meal/getting a free meal/being a burden, they invited you because you are their friend and want you to be there, but they will be looking at all the random +1s they don't know as such and thinking that's an unnecessary cost for people they don't know. When meals are anything between 50-100 a head on average, an extra 10 plus ones adds a good few hundred to the hotel bill when they are paying it. You are looking at it from the point of view of 'it's only one extra', but if everyone who got a single invite contacted the couple to ask for a plus one the numbers could add up pretty quickly.

As for sharing the day with the person you love too.... well it's not about you and you have plenty other days to share with him.

cmbutterfly45

I get what people are saying in terms of not inviting partners they don't know due to numbers ect, but were planning our wedding at minute and I wouldn't dream of inviting someone without a plus one reason being I would feel terribly uncomfortable going to a wedding without my partner I just think it is an event that its very appropriate to have partners at , we will count in the plus ones from the beginning and if we run out of space for guests I certainly won't be cutting it down by removing my guests partners!!

Gatica

you mean plus partners or plus random 1's?

Personally I think there's a difference in the relevance of these. The OP never said whether the B&G know of her OH or just assumed she'd get a +1.

teacheritis

rainbowtrout wrote: »

But that's what it is essentially. The bride and groom aren't looking at you in terms of the cost of your meal/getting a free meal/being a burden, they invited you because you are their friend and want you to be there, but they will be looking at all the random +1s they don't know as such and thinking that's an unnecessary cost for people they don't know. When meals are anything between 50-100 a head on average, an extra 10 plus ones adds a good few hundred to the hotel bill when they are paying it. You are looking at it from the point of view of 'it's only one extra', but if everyone who got a single invite contacted the couple to ask for a plus one the numbers could add up pretty quickly.

As for sharing the day with the person you love too.... well it's not about you and you have plenty other days to share with him.

Yeah but they will make that back, plus probably more from the money I do give them anyway. I know everyone gives different amounts and I'm not going to. Be giving less just because my OH isn't invited because that's not what it's about. I guess I'm naive and it is all about the money these days. I don't mind that they are doing it their way, really I was just curious about the etiquette about asking and got my answer, which I appreciate.

Yes I know I have plenty of days with him and don't think it is about me. I really just wanted to know was it rude to ask and I got my answer. As I said I know they are expensive and it's disappointing that it needs to be reiterated to me as if i dont understand that.

teacheritis

Sorry that sounds bad they'll make it back. Doesn't come out right, ignore that, sounds awful to me!

pwurple

How did you only get your invite 4 weeks before the wedding? I would ahve thought 6 weeks was the minimum? Is it some sort of rush wedding, or did you assume you were invited, and are getting the 'second-round' that some people do?

We had a few of those, this ex-collegue of my husbands, who he hadn't worked with for about a decade, or spoken to in over a year since he moved up the country, texted his address as his invite 'must have gotten lost'. Sheesh. We buckled and invited him so as not to embarress him.


Whatever the reason for the B&G not inviting, maybe they never met him, who knows... but you certainly can't ask someone else to be invited at this stage. Especially someone they don't even know.


Table plans are a right royal pain in the arse, and adding one additional person is very awkward.

Chattastrophe!

cmbutterfly45 wrote: »

I get what people are saying in terms of not inviting partners they don't know due to numbers ect, but were planning our wedding at minute and I wouldn't dream of inviting someone without a plus one reason being I would feel terribly uncomfortable going to a wedding without my partner I just think it is an event that its very appropriate to have partners at , we will count in the plus ones from the beginning and if we run out of space for guests I certainly won't be cutting it down by removing my guests partners!!

OK but the thing is, everyone has a limit when it comes to numbers. Say you decide your limit is 80 guests - that's approximately 40 on each side. We'll say that there are 10 couples on your side that you want to invite because you're close to both individuals - that's 20 people. So you have only 20 remaining invites. Wouldn't you rather invite 20 people you're actually close to personally, who your partner would have met, and who you genuinely want to be there ... rather than 10 good friends, and 10 random +1s you may never have met.

Granted, some people have more flexibility in numbers than others. But most people are planning around very strict budgets and numbers.

Also, I don't see why you'd feel so uncomfortable going to a wedding without your partner? For me a wedding is a really social occasion, everyone tends to chat to everyone whether they knew them previously or not. I'd have no problem going to a wedding alone. And similarly, I'd have little interest in attending a wedding as my boyfriend's '+1' if I didn't even know the couple getting married!

lazygal

I don't understand not asking people's partners, but it happens. I recently attended a wedding without my husband because we weren't sure if he could go, so I RSVPd with me only. Things changed, but it would never occur to me to ask if he could come. I had replied, the couple had made their plans and it would be rude to ask them to change. They have enough to be doing.

If I didn't want to attend a wedding, for whatever reason including not getting a +1, I would simply decline in a timely manner and send a card/gift as appropriate. I would not ask why someone wasn't asked. We were asked by guests why their children weren't invited, and it was a pain in the hole having to deal with the requests as to whether little Aoife or William could be squeezed in. Its rude to ask a host why someone else hasn't been asked.


Oh and its not about 'making money'. We had our wedding saved for in advance, we had a certain number of guests we wanted to ask and that was that. We didn't see extras as a chance to make a few more bob.

Reine

Tlachtga wrote: »

OK but the thing is, everyone has a limit when it comes to numbers. Say you decide your limit is 80 guests - that's approximately 40 on each side. We'll say that there are 10 couples on your side that you want to invite because you're close to both individuals - that's 20 people. So you have only 20 remaining invites. Wouldn't you rather invite 20 people you're actually close to personally, who your partner would have met, and who you genuinely want to be there ... rather than 10 good friends, and 10 random +1s you may never have met.

Granted, some people have more flexibility in numbers than others. But most people are planning around very strict budgets and numbers.

Also, I don't see why you'd feel so uncomfortable going to a wedding without your partner? For me a wedding is a really social occasion, everyone tends to chat to everyone whether they knew them previously or not. I'd have no problem going to a wedding alone. And similarly, I'd have little interest in attending a wedding as my boyfriend's '+1' if I didn't even know the couple getting married!

I feel quite the opposite and would not attend a wedding or an afters alone. If someone is not important enough to give a us 1 to then maybe they shouldn't be on the list in the first place? I would find it highly disrespectful. With regards to the expense is €100 per person not standard? Therefor there would be no additional expense with the plus 1 adding another €100.

lazygal

Reine wrote: »

I feel quite the opposite and would not attend a wedding or an afters alone. If someone is not important enough to give a us 1 to then maybe they shouldn't be on the list in the first place? I would find it highly disrespectful. With regards to the expense is €100 per person not standard? Therefor there would be no additional expense with the plus 1 adding another €100.

Its not about expense. Its rude to ask a host why someone isn't invited. If I didn't want to go without my partner I'd decline, not ask for them to be included. Not everyone wants a larger wedding than they'd planned.

BizzyC

Reine wrote: »

I feel quite the opposite and would not attend a wedding or an afters alone. If someone is not important enough to give a us 1 to then maybe they shouldn't be on the list in the first place? I would find it highly disrespectful. With regards to the expense is €100 per person not standard? Therefor there would be no additional expense with the plus 1 adding another €100.

No, adding the plus one adds another €100 to their costs. So it is an additional expense.

We had the opposite with a mates wedding.
They had limited numbers and decided to only bring couples.
That resulted in an awkward wedding where half the grooms mates weren't able to go at all, while a bunch of +1's who didn't really know the couple were there instead.

Given that scenario, I'd much rather have all my mates there with no +1's in attendance.

Fionn

Well. if thats the general strategy the B&G are adopting, I reckon the dance floor might be pretty empty on the night with all those singletons around the place!! :rolleyes:

But seriously, the B&G should have budgeted for pairs (unless they know for certain that a person wouldn't bring a date) and those that they couldn't afford, then invite to the afters citing their desire to stay within budget etc. I think these days it'd quite acceptable. I realise that some people would like to attend the actual ceremony, but you cant have everything.

Any parties or events I've ever been invited to, the invite always extended to my partner, even in times where i was single i would still get a +1. How would they know if i had a g/f or not, and if i did get an invite only for me, I certainly wouldn't go! thats bloody presumptuous of anybody and really shows how close a friend you really are to them! (at least they could inquire!!!)

chocfan

I think somebody has mentioned this already, but I think it's worth considering the numbers that the bride and groom are allowed have at the venue

We're getting married next summer and the venue has a max of 180 people. I know that sounds like a huge amount (and I agree!!) but the reality is we both come from very large families and even with just inviting aunts and uncles (ditching a lot of cousins but find it hard to ditch the aunts and uncles!!) our numbers are getting really tight.

We've both moved around a lot and have a lot of very good friends through working in different jobs etc. Really going to struggle to cap it to 180 without offending people and the thought did cross my mind that we might have to invite people without a Plus 1 which isn't something I ever thought I'd want to do

Just something to think about rather than focussing solely on the fact that the bride and groom are doing it from a monetary aspect

rainbowtrout

Fionn wrote: »

Well. if thats the general strategy the B&G are adopting, I reckon the dance floor might be pretty empty on the night with all those singletons around the place!! :rolleyes:

But seriously, the B&G should have budgeted for pairs (unless they know for certain that a person wouldn't bring a date) and those that they couldn't afford, then invite to the afters citing their desire to stay within budget etc. I think these days it'd quite acceptable. I realise that some people would like to attend the actual ceremony, but you cant have everything.

Any parties or events I've ever been invited to, the invite always extended to my partner, even in times where i was single i would still get a +1. How would they know if i had a g/f or not, and if i did get an invite only for me, I certainly wouldn't go! thats bloody presumptuous of anybody and really shows how close a friend you really are to them! (at least they could inquire!!!)

I'm a single person, I've often gone to weddings on my own but have had other friends/relations going so I'm not on my own. What you're suggesting is that someone in a relationship should get preference over single people/single invites simply because they are in a relationship. So should my close friends bump me off the list for their wedding because I'm single, in favour of some cousin's boyfriend, just because she has a boyfriend that they may not even know?

In terms of you recieving invites, they're inviting you because they are your friend, your girlfriend is your girlfriend not theirs. You are conducting a relationship with her, they are not. They are under no obligation to invite her.


I was talking to a friend of mine about this only last week. She had attended a friend's wedding the previous weekend. The groom was a work colleague of hers and there were about 8 of them invited from work. No plus ones. He wanted to invite all 8 of them but couldn't afford to give them all plus ones with the numbers already attending. She's single and didn't mind. All of them are friends and were seated together for the reception, but she did say a few of them in relationships had their noses in a knot because their boyfriends/girlfriends weren't invited. Why should it matter, they were hanging out with 7 of their friends for the day, why was it absolutely necessary in their minds that their partners were invited to a wedding where they may have only met the groom once if at all??? A wedding is a celebration of the new wed couple, not a couples day out. Why not enjoy the day with a group of friends???

April O Neill

DjangoMc wrote: »

IPlus we didn't want someone we didn't know more or less getting a free slap up meal and what not.

A whole other issue... but it ain't free!

hoodwinked

op if you just got the invitation just ask,


it happened with us where one of the grooms parents best friends (who we'd know very well and was like an uncle to the groom) had their teenage son with them the day of our wedding, they didn't feel it was appropriate to ask us could he join (but as it turned out someone couldn't make the dinner at the table next to theirs with others he'd have known sitting there) and we felt so bad after that he ate alone in the room, but we didn't know he was there, as soon as we did (talking to them after dinner) we told them to bring him down to join the party,


hotels can change numbers right up to last minute (and there is usually a last minute drop out) its not as big a deal as some people make out.

April O Neill

Reine wrote: »

With regards to the expense is €100 per person not standard?

No?

People might want to ask partners but may not be able to afford to, doesn't meant the invitee isn't important to them. And not everyone is relying on the guests paying for their wedding.

April O Neill

BizzyC wrote: »

That resulted in an awkward wedding where half the grooms mates weren't able to go at all, while a bunch of +1's who didn't really know the couple were there instead.

Whose terrible idea was that?

April O Neill

Fionn wrote: »

I reckon the dance floor might be pretty empty on the night with all those singletons around the place!! :rolleyes:

April O Neill

Fionn wrote: »

How would they know if i had a g/f or not

Because they're your friend? And if you're not that close to them, why would you expect them to ask your girlfriend who they'll know even less?

Reine

April O Neill wrote: »

No?

People might want to ask partners but may not be able to afford to, doesn't meant the invitee isn't important to them. And not everyone is relying on the guests paying for their wedding.

What is the standard per person gift for a full wedding then. Hope I haven't been underpaying.......

missgroovy21

For my wedding we have the bare minimum invited if i dont know my friend's partner they are not invited. I do not want any strangers at my wedding. However if someone asked then I would consider it providing I met them first.

BizzyC

April O Neill wrote: »

Whose terrible idea was that?

B&G were insistent that only couples could attend.

April O Neill

BizzyC wrote: »

B&G were insistent that only couples could attend.

How awful.

Imagine not getting to go to your close friend's wedding? Well, if it was a tiny affair you wouldn't mind, but otherwise, that's awful.

And how very ostracising for single people!

And on top of this, weddings are a great place to meet people if you're single.

What a badshít insane idea by the B&G. Did they regret it in the end, can I ask?

BizzyC

April O Neill wrote: »

Did they regret it in the end, can I ask?

No idea, the groom is well aware that we weren't impressed.

teacheritis

Found out, I didn't ask but my boyfriend is invited to the afters. I think my friend could've mentioned it to me earlier since we talk almost every day; I know others would say I shouldn't have assumed but I did.

I have gone to other friends weddings before when I was single and had the option of plus one, but didn't want to bring someone for the sake of it. But it was nice to have the option. I think it would be weird for weddings to become like this and I wouldn't want mine that way. Each to their own way though and I respect that.

Penny Dreadful

hoodwinked wrote: »

op if you just got the invitation just ask,


it happened with us where one of the grooms parents best friends (who we'd know very well and was like an uncle to the groom) had their teenage son with them the day of our wedding, they didn't feel it was appropriate to ask us could he join (but as it turned out someone couldn't make the dinner at the table next to theirs with others he'd have known sitting there) and we felt so bad after that he ate alone in the room, but we didn't know he was there, as soon as we did (talking to them after dinner) we told them to bring him down to join the party,


hotels can change numbers right up to last minute (and there is usually a last minute drop out) its not as big a deal as some people make out.

Why did they bring him to the wedding at all? When I got married last year I was in touch with the hotel alot coming up to the wedding to see what rooms were booked up and who was where, etc. During one conversation it turned out that a couple my husband invited (old childhood friends of his from home, hadn't seen them in years- I hardly knew them) had booked a room for not only them but their three children too! The invitation clearly stated X & Y not X&Y and your children or the X&Y Family. There were two names only but they assumed that of course we wanted their children there too. It was a difficult one to sort out but in the end we got the hotel to ask them if they required a babysitter for the evening as the bride and groom had laid on this service for those who couldn't find a baby sitter of their own and so had no option other than to bring their children.

teacheritis wrote: »

Found out, I didn't ask but my boyfriend is invited to the afters. I think my friend could've mentioned it to me earlier since we talk almost every day; I know others would say I shouldn't have assumed but I did.

I have gone to other friends weddings before when I was single and had the option of plus one, but didn't want to bring someone for the sake of it. But it was nice to have the option. I think it would be weird for weddings to become like this and I wouldn't want mine that way. Each to their own way though and I respect that.

We added plus ones (and used the name on the invitation) if we knew someone had a boy/girlfriend but we didn't issue plus ones with every invitation. Part of the reason was because we were stuck for numbers (although I'd have liked a smaller wedding, my husband found it hard enough not to have to invite Great Aunt A, B, C and cousin XZ several times removed and neighbour (ish) etc etc. His parents were all for us paying for them to have the wedding of their dreams via us and our bank account) and part of it was because I didn't want to have a whole load of people I didn't know there.
Everyone who was being invited, whether single or not, would know a good few of the other people going anyway and would hopefully meet some new people to get to know.

hoodwinked

Penny Dreadful wrote: »

Why did they bring him to the wedding at all? When I got married last year I was in touch with the hotel alot coming up to the wedding to see what rooms were booked up and who was where, etc. During one conversation it turned out that a couple my husband invited (old childhood friends of his from home, hadn't seen them in years- I hardly knew them) had booked a room for not only them but their three children too! The invitation clearly stated X & Y not X&Y and your children or the X&Y Family. There were two names only but they assumed that of course we wanted their children there too. It was a difficult one to sort out but in the end we got the hotel to ask them if they required a babysitter for the evening as the bride and groom had laid on this service for those who couldn't find a baby sitter of their own and so had no option other than to bring their children.

well children were invited to ours, i didn't feel the need to cut them, especially our own 3 year old,

but because of a previous family member cutting all children they felt uncomfortable asking us,

he was there because his dads birthday was the day after and they were heading straight to their holiday home after for birthday celebrations, not that that matters as he would have been more than welcome, a last minute addition is no big deal regardless of the age.

Gatica

Fionn wrote: »

Any parties or events I've ever been invited to, the invite always extended to my partner, even in times where i was single i would still get a +1. How would they know if i had a g/f or not, and if i did get an invite only for me, I certainly wouldn't go! thats bloody presumptuous of anybody and really shows how close a friend you really are to them! (at least they could inquire!!!)

While the +1's were common during the boom years, I don't think it's any longer the norm.

You're saying that if they're a good friend they should enquire about your relationship status; I think that if they're good friends they'd probably know it without enquiring (except for some unusual circumstance where maybe you're living abroad or something and don't get to keep regularly in touch...)

I don't see the need for random +1's if a guest knows other people at the wedding. If someone is there alone and knows no one else, then fair enough, it would be considerate to let them bring someone.

We planned for couples for everyone we knew, just in case they were seeing someone last minute. Everyone knew someone at the wedding. We added a +1 only for one friend that had broken up with one of the other guests, who'd already started seeing someone else. It seemed only right that if they decided to attend, they may feel more comfortable having someone on their arm too.

cookiecakes

We gave +1's to all of our friends and family that were in relationships that we knew about. We also gave them to people who wouldn't know anyone else/many people at the wedding. Some of my mates said they didn't need them as I don't know their boyfriends too well and they just wanted a girlie night but we tried really hard not to upset anybody. I find it strange when some people don't invite +1's for boy/girlfriends but will for husbands/wives when in some cases, those people have been in relationships longer than the bride & groom! That always gives me a wee laugh:)

prettygurrly

I was in a similar position before with a friend of mine from uni. I got the invite to her wedding as well as a phone call a couple of months before the big day. In the meantime I met someone that I really liked. When she invited me I had been single so I didn't see any problem with asking her would it be possible to bring him (we would have been together about 5 weeks at the time). I had dated a few fellas before him and wouldn't have dreamt of asking her for them to come but he was different.

I think every situation is different and if you have a reason not to have plus 1s then that's fine but you may have to keep people up to date. Generally people are ok with things if they're given a heads up. 4 weeks notice isn't enough time in most jobs to get time off nowadays so I feel for the OPs boyfriend, bad form on the b and g for not giving more notice (rather than not inviting him as it's up to them who attends their wedding).