feel so alone...

minniegirl

Have just ended things with me childs dad after nearly 6 years. I do not know what to do. I really thought he loved me but was i so wrong about that. I wish things could be different and my heart is breaking. Until he can find a place yo live he is still here and it is killing me that we have to go through this. I feel so alone...i am so worried for both of my kids (he is only the dad of my youngest) but my eldest will be hurting in this also. I only work paart time and am so worried about how i am going to support my kids fiancialy and emotionaly. As he is still living here we have not said anything to the kids but it is so hard to explain to them why mum is crying all the time no matter how hard i try to hide it.

minniegirl

Hi Sunflower27

Thanks for posting. I am sitting here right now listening for his car coming home from work. I am a wreck..

THE Story

About 3 months ago he put a lock on his phone. thought it odd at the time due to the fact the last time he did this was to do with an ex girlfirned of his. I let it pass and got on with things. then he started being seceritive with his computer and what not. started staying longer at work seemed to be doing a lot of on site work etc. This is no excuse what so wver but i was getting to the end of my thater at asking him if there was anything going on and then i found out the he owes rent on where we live that i cracked the lock on his phone.

on it were messages and phone calls and pics going back months between him and this other girl. when i confronted him he said my bad i am caught. he did not even apologise for the behavour. he then went on to say that i was not giving him enough attention...

I have tried so many times to ask about his day to get a cuddle etc but there is only so much knock back i can take....i look after the house work part time and look after the kids. he gets out with his mates every weekend while i am at home. if i suggest a night in our out together it is usually we have no money or he is to tired.

so sorry for going on...there is so much more i want to say but will shut up for now

Janedoe10

Girl it's easy for me to say this but kicking him to the kerb is the right thing to do . U will look back and see this when u step back from it .
Of course it's hard to see this right now and u will need him out of your house /flat plus him paying for it since he did the dirty.
U know you deserve better and it is his loss . "He needed more attention" my heart bleeds for him ( sarcasm) .
U also need to sort out where u want to go from here financial etc cause I guess he would be fine with current arrangement ....
Keep strong ... PS u will be fine .. Honest

minniegirl

Thanks Ladies

The sooner he gets out of here the better....the kids know something is up and he is walking around the place as if he has a right to be here...have already been in touch with social welfare and until he does move out there is nothing i can do about my finances...with two kids satrting school next month god help me.....

My biggest concern is our child...they do not have the greatest of relationships as it is and i am worried about when he wants to see her.

My eldest is not his so it will be slightly easier for him. He has a good bunch of friends and sports to keep him happy.

Just gotta try and get strong for them and myself and hopefully he will be out soon..

minniegirl

Update
He is home from work...tension not as bad as i thought...but his phone is messed up lol so no texting for him lol. Think i may have cried all the tears for today. Hope it will get better from here.

Hopefully he will move out soon. He has till the end of the month so not to long. He is cooking for him self which is funny to watch....he has not done that for himself in ages.

The only worry i have now is the he is all over our child like a rash to the point that she is asking me why is daddy playing with me as it is not something she is used to.

Looking forward to my bed tonight i am so shattered....

m'lady

Have to say I filled up while reading your post OP. it's a difficult situation, but you WILL get through it, you and the children. As a previous poster said, getting rid of him was the best thing you could do, it may not feel like that now, but it will in time.

I don't really have much advice, maybe try talk to someone? And keep venting on this if it helps?

Thinking if you at this s*** time x

minniegirl

He is still here...no sign of him to move out....my head is wrecked with itall as athmosphere is so high in the house...thank god i had work today. Just wish it could all be done with as we all need to move on and get sorted. Still so stressed about how i am going to pay the bills and put food on the table...the little one is all over the place as she must sense there is something up....am trying to make polite conversation just to keep things semi normal but he just comes in form work and ignores everyone...

I so want this over with as it is not helping any one

minniegirl

moring all

Try so hard not to cry today...he tried to get into the bed last night...he had a few drinks and forgot himself...cannot lock my door due to the little one wonders at night...so had to sleep on the floor in her room...not very comfortable...

Will this ever end....he kissed the little one good bye before going to work and after he had gone she turned to me and said why did daddy not give you a kiss goodbye....thinking on me feet i told her that i had a sore lip and it hurt to kiss anyone....she looked at me and said ok....will have to think of a better excuse next time.....

desbrook

While you can't do anything about the relationship OP you can about your circumstances . Have you been to the Citizens Information - a solicitor - the Court Service ?

minniegirl

went to see a solicitor today to see where i stand...got some good information and not so good but on the whole good. hopefully we can sort it all out without going down the legal road.....

Shattered i am

minniegirl

Why is it that i see to fail at my realtionships....i try so hard to make it all good....

Never again am i going to allow myself be hurt again....really thought this was to one....we would get married and live happily ever after....was i so wrong oe what.....so tired of it all and just want the pain to stop....

To top it all off just found out that a family member has been telling stories about me.....this was a person i thought i could trust....it never rains but it pours......

Oh well i suppose it cannot get any worse really....well at least i hope so.....

Gotta keep it together for the kids.....no time to fall apart so sad

Janedoe10

Keep strong .....

minniegirl

Hey

Life a mess and healty not to far behind....god help me get out of this fast...can't take much more

levi12

Minnie, I really hope your ok. You could easily be talking about my feelings in your posts. The feeling that you can't breathe, hurt so much, feel so bad. . . . Your talking my story too. But, and there's always a but, I have been sad before, for a different type of loss, I have felt despair like no other, but I'm still here. I survived. I will again, and so will you. Right now things seem desperate but you will make it. Take care of yourself. Distraction is the key for now.

minniegirl

God I hope so

Right now it feels as if is never going to be over...need so much for him to be gone...he is walikng around the house as if nothing has changed and it is killing me to have to deal with it all....

Slepted on couch last nite as could not hack another night on the floor in the kids room....:(

minniegirl

He has till the end of the month....says it is taking so long as he wants to find somewhere close because of the kids....which i understand....but could he not go to a B&B till he finds somewhere...but all he says is why should i bother....we badly need space as everything is still raw....he won't even discuss telling the kids what is happening which is making it really hard to come up with reasons as to why mummy is sad.....:(

minniegirl

sunflower27 wrote: »

Why don't you tell him you are going to tell the children. Why is he dragging his heels on that? At least that way they are prepared for when he goes. If he isn't prepared to sit down and do it with you, then you do it yourself. Don't let him walk all over you. Let him know you mean business.

Have a look on daft.ie. I am sure you will find places for him to rent. I am just concerned he is dragging his heels because he wants to either win you around or doesn't want to deal with the hassle of moving.

Yea think this is waht i am going to have to do.....I am going to try and sit down with him tomorrow and find some way of sorting this out...my main concer is that the kids know what is going on as they need stabiliy....

he has no hope of trying to win me around as i am so totally over this.....
The other lady in question is welcome to him....

Wish me luck

sReq | uTeK

Umm...

Honestly, you're on a FLOOR in the kids room ??????

are you for real toss him the **** out of the bedroom you need to take back some respect for yourself, you're letting him procrastinate he is not looking for a new place and he is filling you full of hot air, do you have parents ?

can he cover the rent on his own? are you down jointly on the lease?

If not i'd move back home (if it's an option)and just be rid of him, leave him with any burdens that arise, he's taking you for a mug.

minniegirl

sReq | uTeK wrote: »

Umm...

Honestly, you're on a FLOOR in the kids room ??????

are you for real toss him the **** out of the bedroom you need to take back some respect for yourself, you're letting him procrastinate he is not looking for a new place and he is filling you full of hot air, do you have parents ?

can he cover the rent on his own? are you down jointly on the lease?

If not i'd move back home (if it's an option)and just be rid of him, leave him with any burdens that arise, he's taking you for a mug.

Ouch....harsh but to the point lol.....i agree with what you are saying.....need to get him out asap.....he already owes a few months rent so maybe that is why he draging his heels....not to close to family but have a few friends who might put me up for a bit if it gets worse....not the type of person though to rely on others....he pays the "rent" and half of th bills so i am trying to get all the bills in my name....not an easy job i can tell you might have to start from stratch

sReq | uTeK

minniegirl wrote: »

Ouch....harsh but to the point lol.....i agree with what you are saying.....need to get him out asap.....he already owes a few months rent so maybe that is why he draging his heels....not to close to family but have a few friends who might put me up for a bit if it gets worse....not the type of person though to rely on others....he pays the "rent" and half of th bills so i am trying to get all the bills in my name....not an easy job i can tell you might have to start from stratch

You may not be close with your family but I tell you they won't turn their back on blood if you explain the situation.

He already owes money on rent ???? A new place will require a substantial deposit how is he getting this? He has no intention of moving, if he's not and its too much for you just get out, and go to family.

Get rid of this cock from your life ASAP.

Chara1001

Hi Minnie,

I'm so sorry, your situation sounds horrendous. I agree with one of the above posters- why on earth should you be sleeping on the floor of the kids room? Put his pillow on the couch and tell him thats his room till he's gone in 5 days.

This is the worst part. He hasn't gone so you can't even begin to heal yet. Also i know you're trying to keep things as civil as you can because of the children which is admirable but to be honest, they already know something is up. All i can say is just get through the next few days, they will be awful but they will end- and then things can only get better. Its clear you're exhausted but you've been really strong, this horrible position you've been put in will be over soon.

I don't know what else to say except best of luck and i'm rooting for you xx

oneshot2shots

yeah guys a bollix, simple as. Tell him to go or move.

This is going to have all the sensitivity of a blunt cudgel but indulging in self pity is not an option. Stop acting like this is all an external circumstance. Get the kids and go somewhere else or ask for help from relatives or friends ASAP. Above all take action and responsibility. No magical angel is going to sweep you away from the situation and despite all the comfort found here you are the only one who can actually improve your situation. All the end of the day the guy is not only a waste of space but a simple bully, and he's going to push as far as he can until you push back.

minniegirl

oneshot2shots wrote: »

yeah guys a bollix, simple as. Tell him to go or move.

This is going to have all the sensitivity of a blunt cudgel but indulging in self pity is not an option. Stop acting like this is all an external circumstance. Get the kids and go somewhere else or ask for help from relatives or friends ASAP. Above all take action and responsibility. No magical angel is going to sweep you away from the situation and despite all the comfort found here you are the only one who can actually improve your situation. All the end of the day the guy is not only a waste of space but a simple bully, and he's going to push as far as he can until you push back.

Ok you made your point lol....ouch....silly me thinking...family no help....so looks like we will be sleeping in the car for now......

Chara1001

No you and your kids won't be sleeping in the car, op.
Insist he moves
Do not give into him about anything.

m'lady

Minnie- hope your doing ok? Who is on the lease, is it joint?

hollster2

minniegirl wrote: »

Ok you made your point lol....ouch....silly me thinking...family no help....so looks like we will be sleeping in the car for now......

Hi minnie

Hes sounds like right pig kick. im out its not about you and him anymore its you and the kids and putting yoursekf and them first, what type of creature lets the mother of his child sleep on the floor.

I realised this a few weeks ago similar story and im the better of it yes I had help from my family but youll be ok be strong and take care.

I know its hard cause you have 2 kids ive 3 and its still hard youll see yourself blossom.

thats bloody abuse your taken from him and the fact he didnt seem to care he got caught shows what a waster he is.

Take care,

Hollster xxxx

minniegirl

Not a good day today...this is all such a mess.....have not had time to get my head straight let alone my heart....the only thing i know for sure is that it is all over....i am in bits and just need some time to heal....just want him out of here now.....

Hope this all gets sorted out soon....:(

m'lady

Minnie, I'm unsure if you have answered this, don't think you did- who is on the lease? You may have more rights/options if its just you, if its a joint lease then how are you guaranteed the he will go now?

hollster2

minniegirl wrote: »

Not a good day today...this is all such a mess.....have not had time to get my head straight let alone my heart....the only thing i know for sure is that it is all over....i am in bits and just need some time to heal....just want him out of here now.....

Hope this all gets sorted out soon....:(

I know exactly what your going through hun I was with my partner ten years its not worth it we all deserve better. Go with your head not your heart thats what I realised. Xxxx

minniegirl

Can finally breath and start to heal..he has gone...moved out thank god...it still hurts but know i have done the right thing for the kids and I....they are doing great which is so good...know they will have there ups and downs but it will all be ok...
Hope we can sort out access and maintance without to much trouble....going to be a tough month money wise but i will survive....

So glad to have the place to my self but will miss it as i will have to move soon...due to his non payment of rent...landlord is been great though..

minniegirl

Things going good for us all here....though one thing has really annoyed me...have a friend who is single and is on a dating web site...she callee over last night and told me that he is on the same site as her...this is a fee paying site and he is claming that he cannot afford to give me any money this month...just had to spend a lot of money i do not have to get the kids back to sch...according to my friend he actually joined this site 2 days after we broke up....god they have it to easy....what if he meets someone on it..how do i deal with how the kids will take it...it does not bother me what he does but i think it is to soon...

Silly i know to be stressing over this but it is still early days for us all and it does hurt me as it makes me feel like he never cared at all...