Orally speaking

LegacyUser

I haven't had a huge amount of sexual experience. I don't go through life thinking about sex. I love girls, love their company, and love nothing better than evenings cuddling up chattering, or just watching a dvd, or whatever. I love intimacy, but can take or leave sex. Sex doesn't cause me any real problem, other than I am not wholly experienced in it, although the few girls I was with seemed to be happy.

I feel pressurised, though, to perform oral. It often appears that girls even prefer oral to the real thing. I had oral performed on me a few times, and I have to say, it did nothing for me, and on one occasion, even hurt me. But if a girl wants to do it, well, I suppose, go right ahead, but I don't look for it or want it.

But I could not perform oral. I will give a girl all the attention she wants down there, but just not orally. I find that a huge turn off. The thoughts of tasting or ingesting those fluids repels me.

My last relationship was with a girl who seemed to be constantly very greasy and unclean down there, and to be honest, it turned me right off, and I broke up. I had never encountered that with girls before, and now, I am inclined to remember what she was like rather than the others, and I haven't been with a girl since.

I suppose my question is, am I really so much in the minority here? Is there something wrong with me for not wanting to do oral? Is there something wrong with me for not liking the messy stuff? Is it so disappointing to a girl if I won't do that? How can I change, to want to do something, that in reality turns me right off?

What comments might I get about this? Is there anyone who feels the same?

Idle Passerby

There probably isn't anything 'wrong' with you but for many, even most women, a partner who found giving oral 'repellent' would be a deal breaker.

If you found a partner that had an equally low sex drive and didn't want oral, there would be no issue. Im not an expert, but Id guess that woman might be hard to find. If you want to give your partner a fulfilling sex life, and be able to fully enjoy one yourself I think you need to work on your ideas about women being 'dirty'. It doesnt sound like the healthiest attitude to have.

If its something you would simply rather not do, you should be upfront at the start and make it clear oral is off the cards, because you are asking a partner to do without a full sex life to be with you.

LegacyUser

OP I'm one of the few (if tv/internet/media stats are to be believed) women who get pretty much nothing from oral sex. Only come from penetration. So while never receiving oral sex wouldn't really bother me being honest even I would find your attitude a turn off. I couldn't be with a guy who found my (without being too graphic) 'getting wet' repulsive. I'd feel pretty crushed knowing a partner found such an intimate part of me so disgusting. So while there's nothing wrong with not wanting to perform a sex act, your basis for doing so seems very extreme.

have you ever actually tried performing oral sex op? it's one thing to try something and not like it but to just outright refuse because it seems a bit icky, is perhaps a little unhealthy.
I'm sure you don't find your own semen disgusting or repulsive, so maybe you should examine why exactly you are so repulsed by female fluids, and view them as dirty and unclean especially since you've never actually tasted them? it sounds as if your sex issues are bigger than not wanting to perform oral tbh

seosamh1980

Jeez Idle Passerby I'm so glad you posted so that I could finally realise I am a hard to find woman who isn't having a full sex life, and all these years I thought I was having a great sex life without receiving oral, silly me!

OP everyone has preferences for what they like and dislike, I for one hate receiving oral, if a guy was really really into it and wanted it to be a major part of our sex life that would be a deal breaker for me, so don't feel that you are odd or destined to be alone because of this, like the poster above was on the verge of saying. Obviously yes there will be girls who will say that they are looking for that in a relationship and that won't work out for you, but then there will be girls who are perfectly happy to do without it, not because they have issues or are repressed or have low sex drives, but because they just prefer doing other things more. If you don't like it you don't like it, fair enough. My boyfriend likes giving girls oral but when we met I made it clear I don't enjoy it AT ALL, and he accepted that, and I'm sure Idle Passerby will find this difficult to believe but we have an amazing sex life without this one thing, there's plenty other things to do!!

Lux23

My boyfriend hated performing oral sex but the more he fell for me, he seemed to change his mind and he's happy to do it for me whenever I want. I like it as a precursor to full sex, just builds the anticipation and I then find it easier to come.

But if you aren't into it, then don't do it.

LegacyUser

op i can understand if the last girl you were with wasn't the most hygenic down below that might have put you off, but it's also important for you to realise that most of us women would like to make sure we're as fresh as a daisy in that department before any oral takes place! you say greasy and unclean, are you experienced enough to know the difference between that and just aroused/nearing her period?

if you're not that experienced maybe you just haven't seen enough lady parts to see they're all different. different shapes, sizes, moistness, smells, etc etc. and know that's it's perfectly fine to say to a sexual partner (in a sexy way) that you take a shower together before you get down to sexy time. allowing the anxiety of a bad experience haunt you being with women in the future is something you might want to work on too.

but look at the end of the day if you're not into it, you're not into it. personally i think if i found out a guy was ''repelled'' by sexual bodily fluids i think it would be very difficult to feel comfortable sleeping with him at all. sex does involve fluids and smells and tastes, if you're not comfortable with oral sex, you just need to find partners who think similar i suppose.

Idle Passerby

seosamh1980 wrote: »

Jeez Idle Passerby I'm so glad you posted so that I could finally realise I am a hard to find woman who isn't having a full sex life, and all these years I thought I was having a great sex life without receiving oral, silly me!

OP everyone has preferences for what they like and dislike, I for one hate receiving oral, if a guy was really really into it and wanted it to be a major part of our sex life that would be a deal breaker for me, so don't feel that you are odd or destined to be alone because of this, like the poster above was on the verge of saying. Obviously yes there will be girls who will say that they are looking for that in a relationship and that won't work out for you, but then there will be girls who are perfectly happy to do without it, not because they have issues or are repressed or have low sex drives, but because they just prefer doing other things more. If you don't like it you don't like it, fair enough. My boyfriend likes giving girls oral but when we met I made it clear I don't enjoy it AT ALL, and he accepted that, and I'm sure Idle Passerby will find this difficult to believe but we have an amazing sex life without this one thing, there's plenty other things to do!!

Ok, I stand corrected.

December2012

There is a great sex ed programme on at the minute, you might be able to watch it online on 4od, I think it's simply called the sex education show.

Watch it to learn more about the human body and sexuality - oral sex shouldn't hurt, btw!

Maybe your ex was ovulating when you were giving her head, presumably she was horny, maybe she needed a wipe of a cloth first.

If a prospective boyfriend was repulsed by a certain part of my body, I would soon enough be repulsed by him as a whole.

m'lady

On one hand I think that if someone doesn't like something sexually or otherwise then they just don't like it and the other person will just have to deal with it, on the other hand I can't help but think you haven't really given it a proper chance?

I would never have been into giving oral when I was younger (I'm only 32!), but as I have got older I'm actually massively turned on by it- perhaps it's being with the right guy and I want to please him or perhaps it's down to age..

If you have made the decision that you simply want to abstain from giving and receiving oral then as previous posters have said you need to be upfront with any future girlfriends, you never know some girls might be relieved that they won't have to go down on you!
Would also agree that oral Sex shouldn't hurt- perhaps the girl had a dry mouth or something?