Wait A Year To Marry Me

LegacyUser

Not sure what to make of this so I came here for advice.

A few months ago I was staying at this hotel and met a foreign girl who worked there. For the next couple of weeks staying there, I would bump into her, we get talking, etc etc
One day I asked if she was in a relationship and she replied, "on and off for three years". My experience is limited when it comes to relationships so I found it hard to formulate on opinion on those words. Several hours later she asked if I had a girlfriend and somehow I knew that was a sign she was interested. The ladies she worked with, randomly told me she was always going out of her way to walk past my room in the hopes of bumping into me...my mind was blown to hear such reciprocated thoughts. I too, did the same thing in hoping to bump into her :P

Anyway, the week goes by and the day I was to go home, I decided to ask for her number and seemed more than enthusiastic.

Here is where it gets tricky.

I rang her the next day to ask her out on a date but before I could ask, she talked about her boyfriend. Not in the past tense, but present tense. I held off on asking her in the hopes it was just a translation error. Her English wasn't perfect, conversations were very fruitful when she said something completely mixed up and incomprehensible. I don't know why but I adored it in her.

Round two at asking her out, which happened a few days later. - We were consistently texting throughout the whole few days -
She said I gave her butterflies, which I completely reciprocated to. I rang her to ask her out and the date got set ;D


Date day: The first hour or so was gut-wrenching but somehow we got to just hugging and she lay in my arms for hours as we talked. She made me feel like I was 17 again and she said exactly the same thing.
Then...she brought up the on-or-off-again-boyfriend again and stated what she wanted in life and then asked what I wanted in life. I could tell this was a very serious matter for her and knew whatever I answered, could change the course for her and I, from that moment. She tried to be subtle but wasn't very good at it. I could see where she was coming from though. Getting older and wiser, less beating around the bush and so on.

A few days later: I had time to think about all that was said and popped the question. She said yes and asked me to wait for her for a year to get everything sorted with her on-and-off-boyfriend, job (she wanted to go back to studying), and anything else women would need in that time, I guess? :P
(Just to clarify, we would only be engaged. Not getting married in a year like some American reality TV show. We discussed being engaged for a few years to save up before tying the knot indefinitely)

I reluctantly and carefully gave her the year. Just over ten months to go. We haven't spoken since we came to the term. It was my idea to cut contact for that period of time because I told her I honestly wouldn't be able to talk to her everyday without seeing her and she sounded upset and sort of mad.
Anyway, My family have been sort of 50/50, feeling ostracized but happy for me to find someone that could convince me that marriage was the right way to live with someone.

My apologies for rambling.
My question(s) for any person who's willing to read and answer:

This 'dream' girl...do they exist?
When the year term comes round, do you think her and I would jump on the floor running?
Personally, I'd wait the whole year for this woman. I'm currently living it and know what I get out of it at the end.
Some friends have warned me and not to get my hopes up after the year. That's a given.
Really, I just want to know what the odds are that she's genuine. She wouldn't say yes, otherwise, right?

For the optimistic folk: How does one continue to fight the urge to talk to said woman?

Carriexx

Hi, are you sure shes still waiting for you too? You asked her too marry you after a 2nd date? I would think maybe she thinks you have forgotten or moved on?? I would maybe try and contact her to see where things are at.

username123

You proposed after one date?

But you don't know her, or her you? And now no contact? Why? I don't really understand any of this.

I know if I were the girl I'd run a mile because your behaviour is irrational. I would be afraid you were crazy and I wouldn't want to get involved.

It's also pretty disrespectful of you and her both to date while she is lready in a relationship. But that pales in comparison to the intensity of a proposal after knowing someone a few hours.

Love isn't something you can map out, it's organic, it grows.

I'd advise you to seek professional help because your behaviour suggests all is not well with your mental health.

Honey-ec

You both sound incredibly naive, tbh. You don't know this woman. She doesn't know you. You can barely communicate by the sounds of things. But you proposed after one date, and she said yes?

You both need to run as quickly as possible in opposite directions to eachother.

LegacyUser

OP, this going to be blunt and harsh but me thinks that's what you need to hear... Seriously?

How can you possibly think this a good, rational idea? You propose to her after a few hours of knowing her! You know absolutely NOTHING about her, a few hours in her company and whatever drivel she came out with in broken English, and you propose to her? I understand it was kind of a we'll see in a year deal but you's actually haven't spoken in the last 10 months? That is madness! It sounds like something out of a soppy film that is unrealistic and fairy-tale style! If you were my brother I would do everything I could to make you see sense.

If you were still in contact with her and all was going well, then yeah I would say why not see what happens, stay in a relationship with her before you go walking down the aisle. But you haven't? Do you have any idea if she is single, or still with her bf?

Maybe you can shed some light on these questions and then posters can help you from there!

daisybelle2008

imgoucheyo wrote: »

A few days later: I had time to think about all that was said and popped the question. She said yes and asked me to wait for her for a year to get everything sorted with her on-and-off-boyfriend, job (she wanted to go back to studying), and anything else women would need in that time, I guess? :P


Really, I just want to know what the odds are that she's genuine. She wouldn't say yes, otherwise, right?

The odds are poor that she is genuine. Seriously you are asking strangers on the Internet if she is genuine, and at the same time planning to marry her. Does that not tell you something?

Who needs a year to break up with someone. I have no idea what other things 'women would need in that time'. She seems to want to line up a replacement boyfriend, that's why she was sniffing around you. Year is probably to see if someone better comes along before she chooses who she jumps ship to.

I agree with the other poster who says you should see someone. Your handling and interpretation of the situation seems totally out of whack with reality.

Merkin

Have you actually read back over your post? You sound at best completely naive and at worst entirely delusional. Proposing to someone after one date, putting them on a very high and unfounded pedestal and then fostering the belief that you're going to get married (she already has a boyfriend and you had one date) is not at all rational. I'm being entirely serious here in asking whether you have discussed this with your GP?

Meangadh

I'm so confused... You asked her to marry you on the second date even though she was still involved with someone and then you hardly spoke to her? Maybe I picked some of this up wrong...

OP, seriously sit down and talk to someone about this, I don't understand the decisions you're making or even what your expect out of this relationship but you need to work it all out with somebody clear-headed enough to help you work it out.

Koptain Liverpool

I have to agree with the other replies OP. This whole situation is crazy and I would advise you to forget about her and have a good hard think about how you approach women/relationships in future. It's not normal or romantic (or to stop beating about the bush as you call it) to propose to someone you don't know.

It's even less normal to say yes to such a proposal so you can be sure she is full of **** and leading you along for whatever reason.

Meauldsegosha

OP, here is my take on things. You are putting a lot of faith into a few conversations you had with someone who's English isn't perfect and who says things which are completely mixed up and incomprehensible. As other posters have said you sound very naive.

On your first date she spoke about her boyfriend and her future and she implied in some way that you could change her future. Did she
mention/suggest marriage at this stage? OP did you meet this girl in a hotel in Ireland or abroad? Is it possible she is looking to marry someone
to stay or get into the country?

No one needs a year to get out of a relationship unless there is a legal or financial issue involved. She was mad you weren't going to keep contact
with her during the year break. I suspect that is because she would have no control with you during this time.

Your family's lack of concern over this would also worry me, you say they are glad someone has shown you that marriage is the right way to live with
someone. Again this is very naive and a very blinkered way to look at things. As other poster have said speak to your GP or a counselor to get some perspective on the situation.

Idle Passerby

First of all, she described her relationship as 'on and off'. That usually doesn't mean 'free and available', it generally means 'complicated and messy'.

I doubt you are the first man that has been a diversion from her existing relationship, and two dates would not be enough for her to decide to leave someone shes already very tangled with and be with someone else.

I would say that by now she has long forgotten you. The proposal was a very naive move. It sounds like she may be unhappy with the man she's with, maybe he wont fully commit to her so shes straying elsewhere looking to find that. But at the end of the day, if she wanted to be with you, shed have left him and would be with you now, and it wouldn't have taken a year.

blatantrereg

She is from a country where she has limited prospects and would prefer to be in the EU, right?
Would you sign up to an agency to meet Russian/Thai/[whatever ethnic flavour floats your boat] brides?
Is there any difference between doing that and what you're planning here?

Why would you trust her? She is a stranger, and one of the few things you know about her is that she has demonstrated a startling lack of fidelity towards her long term partner.

That's without touching on many other reasons others have already mentioned that your idea is bonkers.

This is what happened: A very hot woman wants to move to the EU in about a year. She asked you to propose to her then so she can do so easily, and have you support her. In the meantime she'll stick with her bf and see if any better prospects come along. You're delighted with this arrangement. Because she is like super-hot and you either have the emotional maturity of a particularly silly 14 year old or really need to talk to a doctor.

ABajaninCork

I'm not one of the optimists, I'm afraid. I've seen this happen in the UK soooo many times...

What's the betting your lady friend will leg it, just as soon as she gets her stay?

Lorna123

I think that if she asked you to wait for a year to break up with her b/f then she is not genuine. It doesn't take a year to break up with someone. You are very naive to think that she is still there waiting for you when you have had no contact since. If you cannot get her out of your head then contact her now. If you can even make contact with her at this stage, and she still wants to hold out until the year is up then I would find that very suspicious indeed. I find it suspicious that she asked you to wait a year. I find it suspicious that you fell for it to be honest. I find this whole thread unbelievable.